Post # 1
Going Anon for this one..
I’m a good 5-10 years older than my coworkers. Our department has a lot of mandatory happy hours, outings, etc. While it can be a little awkward at times, I like to think I’m a good sport about it, and I like my job a lot. However, I have a coworker that is constantly bringing up my age. I laughed it off at first, but now it is starting to irritate me. Not sure if I’m overreacting so I wanted to get some opinions.
I’m in my early 30s, and this coworker is in her late 20s. Let’s call her Amanda. A few months ago we all went out to lunch to celebrate a coworker’s 25th birthday. The coworker was really upset about turning 25 so Amanda says “at least you’re not as old as anonbee – now THAT’S old! Her life is practically over” So someone else at the lunch asks how old I am and Amanda asks everyone to go around the table guessing my age. No one participated but I was taken aback by how rude she was being.
More recently, she came back from vacation with souvenirs for the team. As my gift, she handed me a pamphlet on menopause and said “I’m sure you’ll be needing this soon.” I’ve heard her say similar things to another woman at work who was icing an injury, asking her if the ice pack was for her hot flashes. When the woman asked her when exactly she thought women went through menopause she shot back “it really doesn’t matter. Life is over after 30.”
The instances of her taking jabs at people over their age has gotten more and more frequent. Just last week, a birthday card was circulating around the office that she signed “it could be worse. You could be as old as anonbee”
Her comments have never gotten a rise out of me. I guess I’m just shocked that she thinks her comments are appropriate and/or humorous. I’m not sure what I’m looking for in writing this other than to vent. Am I overreacting or she out of line?
Post # 2
She is rude and immature, hands down. Honestly, I would pull the Older and Wiser card here and put her in her place about this–if only to show her that this kind of behavior actually isn’t professional and she needs to tone it down for future jobs (and this one!).
Post # 3
- Wedding: July 2020 - City, State
Oh my word. I applaud you for her comments not getting a rise out of you, as they got a rise out of me! That would piss me off something fierce. I’d totally write an anonymous letter about her words to her superior or just mention it to her directly. You could say, “Your comments on my having more years of experience in this world don’t bother me, but to certain people, they could really do some damage.”
You may be a good sport who is secure, and that is freaking awesome, but there could very easily be a person who crumbles at a series of these awful comments. I have been self-employed for years, so it has been forever since I have had to “play well with others,” but these comments, I think, would really take me down if they were repetitive. And even if they didn’t take me down, I’d be so furious, it would really cut into my productivity.
Post # 4
Yikes. This is so inappropriate. Honestly I’d have HR talk to her. This seems like it is bordering on harassment.
Post # 5
What the actual fuck? What’s this woman’s affliction?
You are definitely not overreacting. Not only are these comments unprofessional, they’re completely out of line. At my office, we–unfortunately–have a problem in the opposite direction. Many of the people under 30 have a tendency to get talked down to by upper management. I honestly think it’s how my boss justifies his management style as he’s falling asleep. “The kids are complaining because they just don’t know how it is… they’re so young.” I’m 26 and have two degrees, so I’ve been plenty offended by his/other managers’ comments.
Does your company have an HR department set up? Honestly, this sounds like grounds for a hostile work environment. What is with her deep obsession with age? I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this, OP.
Post # 6
That is very rude and inappropriate behaviour in the workplace. I would tell her to knock it off immediately and if she doesn’t you’ll bring it up with HR. If she doesn’t knock it off, bring it up with HR.
Post # 7
- Wedding: November 2018 - City Hall
Omg, that is some real grade A bitch behaviour right there.
And you say she’s in her late 20s, which means her thirties are right around the corner.
Yes, I would be upset, and rightly so!
How will she feel when SHE is in her thirties? I’m guessing she’s taking out her fears/insecurities on you all. Not an excuse whatsoever tho.
When she turns 30, I’d pass the torch back to her (the menopause pamphlet – but not really, I’m not that rude).
Post # 8
I would be annoyed and would for sure put her in her place. Maybe a comment about how young and stupid she is, because only someone young and stupid wouldn’t realize how inappropriate her comments are.
Post # 9
- Wedding: September 2019 - City, State
Wait a minute if your in your early 30’s and she is in her late 20’s what is the age difference? I would reply by telling her ” Umm Amanda your not that far behind me”.
Post # 10
anonbee58 : Bee not only are her comments inappropriate, they’re illegal. Age is a protected group just like sex, race & religion. She’s creating a hostile work environment with her comments and she’s putting the employer at risk of being sued. Not to mention she being downright insulting and disrespectful. Her “jokes” aren’t jokes to you. You should probably speak up if its really bothering you and let her know how insulting she’s being.
If she persists in her comments or jokes then the next step is your supervisior, who will probably call in HR if it exists at your place of employment.
At the end of the day this is a respect thing. There’s nothing wrong with demanding it and its sad that someone who’s nearing thirty herself needs to be told to be respectful of her coworkers.
Post # 11
She has said these things in front of the department supervisor on more than one occasion so he doesn’t seem to think it’s inappropriate. I have considered going to HR but wanted to avoid making a scene. But pp is right – she doesn’t know what people are going through in their personal lives and her comments are insulting and insensitive.
She’s 28 and I’m 32 so the age difference isn’t huge but nevertheless she continues to be an a*hole
Post # 12
anonbee58 : Wow, and she’s 28!? This reminds me of the time a single, pushing-30 former colleague told me that the guy I was dating at the time, who was in his 30s, was bad news because “there’s something wrong with you if you’re not married by 30.” Clearly it’s projection and insecurity, but that doesn’t make it okay. And whether or not your supervisor is offended doesn’t matter, she’s still crossing a serious line.
Post # 13
anonbee58 : damn she’s just a freshman to your senior? How is she even justifying this in her own head? Homie is gonna die in two years according to her ideology.
Tell her she is more than welcome to join you in your haunting antics when she joins you on the other side. You’ve got a three-year lease on your graveyard and you’re happy to have a roommate so very soon.
Post # 14
What a pathetic person, who is clearly very insecure in her own life. It does seem a bit like harassment, surely you, a whopping 5 years older than her, are not the oldest person at work? I’d tell her to knock it off or I’d head to HR. Alternatively: Wait two years. Give her a brochure for an assisted living facility (and nothing else) when she turns thirty. Eat cake and watch her cry.
Post # 15
If I were you, next time she says something, say “What a weird thing to comment on so frequently.”
Preferably in public so she can be shamed. This is bordering on harassment.