(Closed) Would you be offended by this?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I might be more concerned that I would forward it to the wrong person. “The whole family” can be kind of vague.  It may be that she’s been feeling slighted about not being in the wedding party already, and she’s just using this as an opportunity to express that.  I wouldn’t worry too much about it, but I also would tread carefully around her until the wedding is over.

Post # 4
219 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

It sounds like she may be hurt that she is not in the wedding party? If she felt snubbed from the beginning, this could have just put salt in the wound.

Also, IMO, I think ettiquite calls for retrieving the email addresses and sending the Save-The-Date Cards yourself. Not so much for your FSIL’s sake, but to be more personal with the people you are asking to attend your wedding. If it was me, I would rather get an email from you then a FWD from somebody else. I would be a little put off by that.

Just my opinion though 🙂

Post # 5
873 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I personally don’t think that’s rude or crossing a line at all.  I have one bridal party member (my 20 year old sister who has no time for anything and who lives in another country).  Therefore, I send things off to friends and family members all the time to ask for their opinions/help.  Nobody has told me that they don’t think they should help because they aren’t in my bridal party. They seem excited to be involved and to get a preview of things before any other guests.

Post # 6
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Not offended but confused.

If I was her, I would be thinking, “Why do I have to email them?” For several reasons:

How do I know who exactly should get them?

What if I miss someone does it become my fault they didn’t get a STD?

Why am I inviting people to someone else’s wedding?


But I don’t think she handled it the best.

If I was her, I would have forwarded the family email addresses to you. I would also explain that since it’s your wedding, it would be best if the email came from you.

Has she sent them yet? Maybe you could just ask her for the email addresses and you send them? Besides don’t you want to keep track of who is receiving your STD?

Post # 8
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Yeah, I think you are sort of in the wrong here.  You needed to let her know who to send it to specifically since only people who are invited to the wedding will get an STD.  Also, why did you ask her to do it anyway?  Is she in the wedding party or just someone that you shot an email to because she was on his side of the family?

That being said I don’t think that her response was the correct one.  If she was confused, she should have asked you for further instruction, or just say that she can’t do it but would be willing to give you the emails for certain family members.

Post # 9
769 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

Yeah, perhaps just asking her for specific family members’ email addresses would be best.  Then send them out yourself.

Post # 10
5263 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think I’d be offended, too. I mean, we know you didn’t mean it, and it’s one thing to ask for her help (i.e., would you mind sending me a list of family members’ email addresses, please.) but that sounds like you were giving her a task without making room for her in your bridal party. 

Post # 11
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

So you asked her for their email addresses or you asked her to send you STDs? If the former, then that’s a reasonable request. If the latter, then that’s weird for the recipients. You should be emailing your Save-The-Date Cards directly – I wouldn’t want to get a forwarded STD. I wouldn’t know if I was really invited and I wouldn’t feel invited personally. Your Fiance should ask his sister for family email addresses.

Post # 13
5263 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

Maybe just put it casually – say, “hey, I’ve been stressing about the wedding and wasn’t thinking when I asked you to send out that e-mail. I’d love your help compiling a list of email addresses – we really appreciate you being involved in our day!” or something to that effect. 

I can’t count the number of moments I have where I wish I could go back and bite my tongue. Sometimes things don’t seem bad coming out of your mouth until you think about it. 

Post # 14
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I probably would have been offended, but I would have just vented to my husband, not you.

If you want to smooth things over, I would say “You know I wasn’t thinking it through when I asked you to e-mail the Save-The-Date Cards.  I’m sorry if I put undue stress on you.  I shouldn’t have assumed it was an esy task.  I wasn’t even clear on what I wanted.  And I know you’ve got a busy life too.  Please don’t worry about e-mailing them….”

Post # 16
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think she was upset because she isn’t a part of your wedding party, and it really seems like something involving bridesmaids tasks. So yes, I would have delegated the responsibility to someone else, or have done it myself. Just my opinion though.

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