(Closed) Would you be offended if …

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Nope, but I wouldn’t want to know.

Post # 4
Member
4432 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I would hope I would never know this, but I wouldn’t really care….I would just hope it was because they were hoping to not go over a #, and then realized they weren’t…

Future Sister-In-Law is doing A/B list…I am not…We are inviting who we wish knowing that not everyone can come, so we should be OK.

Post # 5
Member
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Hmm…maybe. Depends on the circumstances. If you’re having a more intimate wedding and have limited space, then no. If we’re really close friends or something, then yeah.

Post # 6
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Yes. I know my opinion is not a popular one here because so many brides think it’s convenient and want to do it, but I find having A/B lists to be super rude.

Post # 7
Member
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I would be offended if someone told me I was a B lister. If I didn’t know, there would be nothing to be offended about. I was invited to a wedding for a girl who used to be my BFF basically right before the wedding. I knew I was a b or possibly C lister, and I didn’t care. I went and had a great time.

Post # 8
Member
2893 posts
Sugar bee

No. Not at all. I’m human enough to realize that we’re not all ballers rolling in dough who can throw giant parties where everyone and their uncle can be invited so as not to offend anyone. I get it. You had to invite Aunt Milly because she’s family and that took the last seat. It’s fine – life goes on. So you invited me because she cancelled? Great! I’m glad you thought of me.

Post # 9
Member
2188 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

Not if I didn’t know. If I got the invitation less than 1 month before I would know.

Post # 10
Member
9647 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

I would prefer not to know, but I would not be offended if space/money was the issue. But I don’t believe in having A/B lists, I agree with @Wonderstruck:  it can be quite rude

Post # 11
Member
3772 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

No because I understand that some times you have to choose family over friends especially if on a tight budget. I just think that there’s always going to be those ‘obligitory invites’

Post # 12
Member
5075 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

uh yeah.  I’m not good enough to make the original cut –  but you’ll consider me if you need a seat filler so your reception doesn’t look empty?

no thanks.  

Post # 13
Member
14481 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Depends on how I feel about the relationship with the couple.  If I thought we were close, obviously yes… if I see them as more of a good aquaintance/friend of convience, then no.

Post # 14
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

Only if I was a B-list for my best friend or sister or something. I personally think there’s nothing wrong with A/B list as long as it’s not obvious. I have close friends that I damn well better be standing next to in ugly taffeta when they say their vows, but I have many lovely acquaintances who also have many lovely acquaintances.

If a venue holds 100 people, and you have 80 family members and 20 good friends, I don’t see why it would be bad to give a spot to a coworker or an old sorority sister if your great aunt and uncle can’t make it down from Springfield. If those people are realistic about the level of your relationship, they’ll realize that while you’d like to have had everyone you had positive feelings about attend, space and money are issues. They shoulod be grateful for the invite…and if they aren’t (whether because they saw your friendship differently than you did, they’re narcissists or whatever) they can always respectfully decline. It doesn;t make sense to have a half-empty hall.

Post # 15
Member
1352 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Personally I would, I wouldn’t want to go to a wedding as a seat filler because other people said no.

ETA: You should add a poll 🙂

Post # 16
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I wouldn’t mind.  I understand that it’s hard to include everyone and we all don’t have gobs of $$ to be able to afford a 300 person wedding.

If you are a B lister, that means that they want you at your wedding.  I’m not sure why that’s offensive.  I think as brides we’ve all faced having to cut out people we’d like to include.  I can’t blame anyone for excluding me due to numbers.

When we found we had unexpected space, we made personal phone calls to those we were hoping to add.  We explained that we had serious number issues and really wanted them to be apart of the day all along.  We also profusely apologized for the late invite.  They all gracefully accepted, came to the wedding and had a blast.

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