Post # 1
I have a niece who is in her early 20’s. She lives close by but never comes home to visit. She left home shortly after dropping out of high school. I haven’t seen her in a good 6 years or so. She hates my BIL even though he’s been a very devoted stepfather to her since she was 8 years old. Her biological father isn’t in her life at all. I think part of their personality conflict may be that he’s only 17 years older than her and she doesn’t see him as an authority figure. My husband kind of resents her for being so disrespectful to his brother.
My other niece, her younger half sister, is a wonderful girl. She loves spending time with her family (which is rare for a tween) and is a real sweet heart. I want to give her a nice Christmas gift. My dilemma is this: do I get a gift for her sister as well? My husband says absolutely not, especially since we won’t be seeing her anyway (SIL would have to drop it by her place I guess), but I feel strange gifting one niece and not the other in front of my SIL. I’m sure she loves both her daughters equally. If you were my SIL would you be upset that only one of your daughters received a gift?
Post # 3
@Aquaria: Yes I would be upset. If you are getting gifts all children/young adults should be given gifts for that family. This deal is kinda an all or nothing least in my world
Post # 4
In my family once we were in our 20s and moved out we didn’t really get xmas gifts from aunts or uncles anymore…you could always just chalk it up to the fact that one niece is still quite young.
Post # 5
@Aquaria: I would be a little offended. I mean, you don’t have to gift them equally I suppose. But as a mother I would be a little put off. Like someone mentioned. It is all or nothing with the kids. Even if they are asswipes.
Post # 6
I would be upset that you gave only one of the girls a gift.
Post # 7
I would discuss it with your SIL.
Post # 8
I would understand!
Especially if you regularly see one and NEVER see the other! And it sounds like one is a young adult living on her own, and the other is still a tween living at home. Two totally different life situations!
Post # 9
@Aquaria: I would… it doesn’t have to be something super fancy but she is family and you should acknowledge that-even if it’s a starbucks gift card. When I was the only one that had moved out of the house, I happened to be home the day that my mom’s cousin came to visit. She brought gifts for all 4 of my little siblings and gave it to them right in front of me! And then said sorry, I know you live outside of the house… lol what? It wasn’t the gift that mattered, just the thought and I was really kind of offended and embarrassed lol.
Post # 10
Based on the AGE no I wouldn’t. After 18, I don’t do gifts for my nieces and nephews.
Post # 11
If she was going to be there, I would say yes. I think it’s different when she’s not even present though.
Post # 12
This would be completely normal in my family. Only kids get gifts. Once they move out or graduate college they no longer get gifts. We play dirty santa though. I also think it’s ok to give a gift to family you see and to not give a gift to someone you haven’t seen in 6 years. I have a young cousin. They alternate doing Christmas with his mother and father’s family every other year. If he doesn’t come to the Christmas party he doesn’t get a gift from us. This same thing happens in DH’s family. We only get presents for the kids who show up to the Christmas party. (We know in advance who will be there.) We can’t get presents for every one of his cousins or we would be broke. We already spend about $600 on just his family.
Post # 13
@Aquaria: it would be very awkward and unfair to do this infront of everyone. especially the older niece.
if i were you, i would wait and give your favourite niece the gift when it is just the two of you together.
Post # 14
I don’t think it’s bad simply becasue of the age difference. One is an adult and the other is a kid. I think it is fine if you only give to the kid. If they were both the same age, I’d have to disagree. But you def don’t need to give a 20-something year old anything if you give her 11 or 12 year old sis somehting, that’s silly.
Post # 15
@mypinkshoes: It wouldn’t be in front of my older niece. She’s been missing in action for years. I’m concerned about how her mother would feel. She’s the only one that talks to her.
Post # 16
I would get her a few books, wrap them up, and deliver them along with the other gift for the other girl. No sense in making a situation more fraught with angst, ya know?
Is the older sister in college? What do you know about her?