(Closed) Would you be offended if your boss asked you…

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
604 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

He was being ‘passive agressive’ trying to tell you do not get pregnant any time soon. ILLEGAL. You and your husband’s, no one else’s business.

Post # 17
1227 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Ha, if my boss ever said that to me, I’d probably try to say something professional like, “That is really none of your business, and it’s illegal for you to ask me about that.” In my head, I might be thinking “Wow, so glad you asked. Now I have plenty of ammo to use against you if you fire me for no good reason!” Just kidding! (Kind of.)

Post # 19
7172 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I have a really good relationship with my boss – so, my opinion might be swayed on this because of the lens I am using.  That said:  I see it as an honest question.  I wouldn’t be offended, personally.   I’m sure your boss has been in situations where he’s lost employees shortly after they’ve been married and get pregnant.   Granted, if you don’t have that kind of relationship with your boss, why he’d ‘go there’ is beyond me.

Post # 21
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

If he says anything else about it, ask him if he has heard about Title VII.

Post # 22
2191 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I think it’s borderline no no but I don’t think he may have meant it to be. Now, I’m not saying what he asked was ok because I think it was NOT ok. However, men aren’t always the best about how to ask things and asking things that aren’t really appropriate.

That being said, after reading some of the other things you’ve posted, I think maybe it is time to go and get a better job where you are respected a bit more.

Post # 23
6036 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

I may be in the minority here 😐  I used to work for HR. As a supervisor he was most definitely not in the green (in the green just means safe, its from a teaching tool we used in employee training). I also think that as a supervisor he should have known better. So if you look at fact and fact only he was in the wrong.

I do believe, however, there are other things to take into account when thinking of whether or not I would be offended or emotional about it. My boss and I do not get along. I know him well. He is not the nicest of people and if he said this to me I would most definitely know that it was meant to be rude or obnoxious. However my other boss and I are very close and if he asked me this I would laugh it off and answer accordingly, such as “hmmm Idk! I guess you will have to wait and find out!”. None of his business? yes but i would not feel badly towards him for asking in a joking light hearted way.

I guess the bottom line for me here would be how worth it is it to you? If its not something you are willing to pursue and leave your job over or file any kind of greivance I would let it go shrug it off and just accept that some people are clueless this way. If not then take the proper actions to make sure he is disciplined for saying it. Either way, try no to let it take up too much of your energy. Believe me I know how this type of thing can affect you sometimes, so speaking from experience, its so not worth being irritated over if you arent going to act on it.

Post # 24
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I don’t know. It honestly depends on the circumstances. Was he an ass before, and made you feel inferior because of your sex?

Because my fiance works in construction, and as a boss, I could see him saying something like that, because 1) He can be socially awkward, 2)He would probably think babies come after marriage, in a very traditional sense, 3) He would mean nothing by it, he would just say it as casual conversation. Also, my fiance is by no means, a sexist. He has said numerous times he would love to be a Stay-At-Home Dad.

Actually my fiance said once, he doesn’t have any woman working for him because they haven’t applied. He said though that he would be nervous to because then he would have to worry so much about what is said to them because of sexual harrassment cases. This has not been an issue, because on his site, they just havent applied, and if they were qualified he has said he would give them a chance if they were hiring at the time. But it is interesting from a mans POV in the construction industry.

I think women can be really sensitive sometimes, maybe a little too much.

Post # 26
3176 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Well sh*t my boss asked me the same thing and all I did was laugh and say no. I didn’t know I could sue him!

Post # 27
5089 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

You’re not wrong. That was an obnoxious, intrusive, and inappropriate thing for him to say.

Post # 28
3041 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I wouldn’t be offended if my boss said that, I’d think he was trying to say he hopes I’ll stay. I wouldn’t think he was thinking of firing or replacing me at all. However, that’s if it were my boss. Depends on the person I suppose. All my bosses I’ve been at least semi-close to. Well, except the boss that worked me illegally (didn’t give me breaks).

However, it sounds like you deserve a better job, so I’d document what happened & keep on looking for a new job!

Post # 29
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I would have kindly said…”Excuse me, you are over stepping your boundaries.  And if I decide to have a child or not shouldn’t determine my job.”


Post # 30
412 posts
Helper bee

I could be wrong here, but I always thought it was only illegal to ask about your marital/age/pregnancy etc. BEFORE you were hired, since it could influence that decision, and then illegal to fire/demote you over that information later. ie. I didn’t think it was illegal to ask once you were onboard.. anyone know that it’s definitely illegal? (ps: Canadian here, so we might both be right)

To the OP: I obviously don’t know your exact situation, so maybe he was being offside about it, but you mentioned it’s a small operation, so maybe he wants to just be able to prepare/have a few options for when YOU decide you need to take time off. Put his ear to the ground for people looking for temp work, so to speak. It’s possible another employee screwed him in the past by not giving him notice and he’s trying to cover his bases, without any intent of pre-emptively pushing you out of the organization. 

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