(Closed) Would you be ok with FMIL wearing this to your wedding? I’m trying to be…

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Would you be ok with FMIL wearing this to your wedding?
    Yes, it's fine : (57 votes)
    21 %
    No, it's inappropriate : (220 votes)
    79 %
  • Post # 42
    Member
    1746 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I think this is her passive way of saying that she doesn’t agree with the way things are running. This is the opposite of her surrendering white flag, so to speak. I think that is majorly fucked up and disrespectful, but women her age rarely see the light or change. You won’t win her over last minute or convince her to wear something else, so best to just let her have her way, and look like the contemptuous brat she is.

    Post # 43
    Member
    477 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    Does your Mother-In-Law have like a sister or another female family member of that side of the family who could nudge her into something else?  My Mother-In-Law was going to wear something relatively simple to our wedding and kinda got miffed at DH’s reaction when she showed her outfit to him (which was something like “Dad is wearing a tux, do you think that would go with his outfit?”)  I think what she originally picked would have been fine, except all the women in my family were wearing flashier ethnic costumes and I thought she would get washed out in the pictures.  MIL thought Darling Husband was saying it looked cheap, when he really meant it looked kinda plain.  So I think she went and vented to DH’s aunt (her sister) who was like NO WAY you can’t wear that to your son’s wedding and found her something that fit the wedding much better.  I don’t think she would have thought to change her outfit until someone she took seriously gawked at her and made her go shopping again.  Perhaps she has friends or even a daughter your Fiance can talk to?  Maybe say something like “I really want Mom to stand out in our wedding pictures as the mother of the groom, and I feel like my mom is picking a really understated outfit for some reason.  I don’t want her to blend in with the crowd – I’m really proud to show her off!  Do you think you can help her find something pretty?” 

    Post # 44
    Member
    7682 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    Just make sure you can crop her out of the wedding photos-put her on the end! lol!

    Post # 45
    Member
    642 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I agree with the majority here.  Let’s forget that it’s white for a moment, it’s entirely too casual for an evening wedding.  And she’s the MOG for heaven’s sake!  She should put more effort into it.  Even if she isn’t comfortable dressing up normally, she should do it for one night for you and her son.  

    Post # 46
    Member
    418 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Okay, this look is just awful. You HAVE to update us on this, and we definitely have to see pics of what she actually ends up wearing!!

    Post # 47
    Member
    2546 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I must be in the minority here, but I don’t think its that bad! I would probably suggest a different shirt underneath, and have it pressed, but other than that, it wouldn’t bother me in the least bit. Maybe I am just super easy going though….

    Post # 48
    Member
    2576 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I don’t think what she wears reflects on you in any way.

    Let her wear what she wants!

    Do I love it? No- but there are plenty of things she could wear that would be worse : )

    Post # 49
    Member
    711 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I agree with PP’s, its a reflection of her and no one else! I bet you wont even notice on your wedding day because you will be having so much fun. Hopefully you can laugh at all of this years later

    Post # 50
    Member
    2814 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    She looks like she’s going to a picnic, not a wedding.  I’d go shopping with her, but in the end, if she still insists on wearing it, let her.

    Post # 51
    Member
    54 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    I logged in just to vote…girl, I feel for you!  That outfit is NOT appropriate for any kind of wedding other than a casual outdoor summer wedding (and that may be stretching it for some bees!).

    The outfit itself isn’t horrible – I can see my mom wearing something like that when meeting her friends for lunch – but it will be greatly out of place at your wedding.

    You have my sympathy, as you may not win this battle…but one thing is for sure:  you have tried your best to advise your Future Mother-In-Law, and offered to go shopping with her, so when she arrives at your wedding and feels horribly out of place, there is NO ONE she can blame except herself.

     

    Post # 52
    Member
    1685 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    No doubt it’s inappropriate for the shindig you’re throwing, but some of the comments seem a bit mean. She really may think it’s appropriate and just not know any better. It doesn’t sound, from your posts, like she’s the kind of person that goes to a lot of formal affairs. It’s easy to write her off as passive aggressive and be mad at her for ruining your day, but I’m reading this and thinking how awful it would be for her to feel the fool at her son’s wedding, and how mean-spirited it would be to set her up for that.

    If it were me, I’d set up a shopping trip + lunch for me and the moms, maybe aunts too, if you think she might feel tag teamed. Don’t make it about forcing her to buy something (is it possible money’s an issue for her?), make it spending time together. If she sees what your mom is wearing and doesn’t rethink her own outfit, let it go. It seems like cutting your husband’s mother out of the pictures for what she was wearing would be so much worse than having her in them and underdressed.

    If anyone says anything about how she’s dressed, tell them that’s the grandmother of your future children they’re talking about and you think she’s beautiful. Love her for all you’re worth, she’s going to be your family too.

    That’s how I see it anyway. I’d love my Future Mother-In-Law just as much if she showed up in a paper bag or her birthday suit, and the perfect wedding wouldn’t really be very perfect if it made my family feel bad about themselves. 🙂

    Post # 53
    Member
    25 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: July 2011 - Brock House Restaurant, Vancouver

    We ran into similar issues.  My Future Mother-In-Law didn’t know what to wear if it wasn’t jeans and a cowboy shirt so she wanted the two of us to go shopping.  She wound up finding a beautiful dress and jacket on her own before we had a chance.

    My Future Father-In-Law didn’t want to get dressed up at all.  Our plan was for Mr. G to talk to his dad to find out what was up.  We were prepared to buy him a shirt and tie if need be but I think some of his family wound up talking to him first and he’s found something to wear.

    So I think you could try two approaches.  First off, volunteer to take her for lunch and to browse around looking at possible outfits for the wedding.  Say that you’d like to spend some time with her and get to know her better.  Mention that you are having a semi-formal affair and that you want her to look and feel beautiful that day.

    If that doesn’t work then I’d get your Fiance to talk with her to tactfully explain that you are having a nice wedding and the two of you would really like her to look nice on the day.

    If it doesn’t work then I agree with Elvis to just let it go.  It isn’t worth starting a fight with your Future Mother-In-Law over it and cutting her out of photos.  As long as she is happy and there in loving support of your marriage that is all that matters at the end of the day.

    Good luck!!

    Post # 54
    Member
    106 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    Um, that’s dreadful. And totally inappropriate.

    My passive aggressive suggestion would be to say that you “think she would look much younger in a newer, better-cut piece that has some color in it, but that if she’s got her heart set on it, then of course she can wear whatever she wants”. You could add that white is typically only worn by the bride, but that it doesn’t bother you as you agree that in that outfit no one would possibly mistake her for you.

    Suggesting to an older woman that her clothing choice makes her look old usually leads to a new outfit being bought… Just emphasize the ‘you can wear whatever you feel is appropriate’ part, and you’ll look like the better person in the exchange.

    Post # 55
    Member
    1356 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    @jeanie13: okay – when I started reading your post, I was thinking, whatever she’s wearing can’t be that bad..

    then I saw the picture. oh, girl – I feel for you. I’d be almost hysterical (laughter, not tears) once I went home. like some PPs said, she’s the one who will look (slightly..) foolish, not you! SmileI am totally sorry for you though to have to deal with that entire handful..lol

    Post # 56
    Member
    1356 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    @bananarama: I totally agree!! please keep us updated – and if she does wear it, submit to awkwardfamilyphotos.com and have a good laugh!

    The topic ‘Would you be ok with FMIL wearing this to your wedding? I’m trying to be…’ is closed to new replies.

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