Post # 77
@BruinBeeMPH: Sigh, people can be really hurtful and judgmental, including those close to you. I’ll be honest and say that a ring was important to me for the symbolism of it, but I didn’t care at all about how much it cost (and neither should anyone else). I think there might even be a correlation between how expensive the engagement ring is and how expensive the divorce is later. 😛
I do like the tradition of the ring, but I wouldn’t dream of saying something to a friend who decided not to get one. It would be different if your Fiance talked you out of having one because he was cheap (which is a quality I really hate and not the same as being frugal), but if you would rather save your money on other things, that’s totally your business.
Post # 78
@BruinBeeMPH: I have one and I would’ve been hurt if he didn’t want to buy me one. But my Mom never had one. One grandma had a teensy diamond and the other grandma had the fakest fakity fake fake ring and she usually didn’t wear it. I don’t see how it matters if you don’t want one. You’re allowed to wear/not wear whatever you want. Tell ’em to take a long walk off a short pier. 😀
Post # 79
Wanting to avoid those types of reactions is the only reason I got an Engagement Ring. I personally really didn’t care, but I didn’t want to deal with tons of questions about it.
Post # 80
No, it’s not a big deal and it’s really no one else’s business to be so rude to you and your Fiance.
I don’t have an engagement ring and it has confused a lot of people but they haven’t made (too) much of a fuss about it. Although, yes, many assume it’s because my Fiance can’t afford one, which is a bit unfair on him.
Some of our actual reasons (in no particular order):
1. I’m clumsy and forgetful so I break and lose jewellery (even the good stuff) all the time. I’d feel sick (and devastated) if I lost an engagement ring. And always worrying about it.
2. My taste in jewellery is always changing. I don’t want to get stuck wearing something I hate in 30 years’ time.
3. I’m a feminist and I don’t like the way that rings originated as a contract of ownership (or payment for virginity). I’d be ok with it if he wore one, too!
4. The money could be spent on way better things. Like a holiday that we’ll cherish for the rest of our lives. Or a house. Or a better wedding… Or.. Or…
5. If I change my mind on all of the above in 10 years’ time, we can still buy a ring (or some other amazing piece of jewellery). When so many people get their e-rings after getting engaged anyway, what does it matter if we leave it til our 10-year anniversary?
So, ignore those people. They have no right to make you feel bad. Rings aren’t important to everyone. Getting married is about sharing your lives together, not displaying your wealth with a gemstone on your finger. And it sounds like you’re being very smart and considerate not to put your marriage under financial strain for something you don’t really want.
Post # 81
My sister is 7 mos pregnant and is married. She also looks extremely young for her age (she’s 28 but still gets asked for ID at the cinema); one day she attended a doc appointment without wearing her rings and got a lot of hate from other patients in the waiting room including comments about single teenage mums and state benefits.
People are rude rude rude when it comes to rings. Even when you have one people seem incapable of reining in the judgey comments!
OP do what suits you but perhaps be aware that it may draw unwanted commentary from the less classy members of society who have forgotten their manners.
Post # 82
My Fiance asked if he could propose without the e-ring (it was coming later than when he wanted to propose). I asked him if he could wait until after he had it. Why? Because people would immediately ask to see the ring after we told them we were engaged, and I wanted to have it right then and there to show them 🙂 After all, if he goes to all the trouble to save up for a lovely ring, I want it to get the attention all his money saving efforts deserve.
Post # 83
I was originally really insistent about not wanting an engagement ring but my husband insisted because he was afraid people would judge him if he didn’t get me one, and then also judge him if he didn’t get me one “good enough.” I’m really sorry to hear people actually do that.
I was never a really girly-girl in my wedding fantasies… I imagined we’d mutually come to the agreement to marry, elope, and then live kickass lives together. Ring and wedding never factored into it. I love my ring and my wedding was awesome, but I would be just as happy (and married) without them.
Post # 84
@BruinBeeMPH: I voted No because I do want an engagement ring because I see it as a symbol of our love. HOWEVER, If it was agreed between the two of us than no i wouldnt mind at all.
As for other people … SCREW THEM! I don’t see how anyone can make a rude comment towards someone/something that doesnt effect/involve them. I guess they weren’t taught THE GOLDEN RULE.
I have a mouth like a sailor so i would probably hand that attitude right back to them.
Another option … My mom just gave me a gold band that i wear as a thumb ring … maybe your parents have something to pass down?
If you like a plain band I’m sure you can find them pretty cheap somewhere. Or get a CZ in sterling silver or 10k Gold/WG ….
OR KEEP TELLING THEM TO FFFF OFFFF!! 🙂
Keep your chiin up! PEOPLE ARE SO MEAN!
Post # 85
@Strawberryfarmer: Yes, this was me too. It didn’t have to cost anything, it just had to be able to sit on my finger. I think if money was tight we could have split the cost of a 2mm gold band for an engagement ring. (I have one I bought for myself off of amazon, $130.)
Lucky for me my fiancé felt the same and wouldn’t consider us ‘engaged’ until he put a sparkly something on my finger. I actually wouldn’t have minded being asked without one and then going to pick one out after, but he wouldn’t hear of it. In retrospect, I’m glad because then we could start showing it off right away when people would ask. It was fun.
In response to the original post, hell no you don’t NEED one! You can still get married, yeesh! People can be really thick about the things they say. I can totally see how you wouldn’t be overly bugged by comments, but would get really annoyed when people gave your new fiancé such a hard time! That would make me upset too. That’s not something I would have foreseen had we chosed this route.
I still voted no, but hey, I don’t care what anyone else decides to choose if it doesn’t affect me in the slightest.
Post # 86
FH and I were enegaged 7 months before we started looking for a ring. I didn’t care. People are going to have something to say no matter what you do or don’t do. Don’t let it get to you 🙂 You both decided not to have a ring and that’s all that should matter.