(Closed) Would you be okay if your husband married someone else if you passed away?

posted 7 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 137
Member
984 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

A couple times I’ve turned to him and said ‘if I die, you know you’re not allowed to remarry.’ When he asks why I hug him and say ‘because I’m going to become a poltergeist, push you down the stairs and then we’ll be together forever.’

 

Post # 138
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I would absolutely want him to marry again if he wanted to! However, he has told me quite seriously if I passed away long before him, he’d go to seminary and become a priest. It’s a strong tradition and honor in his family and he has considered it in the past. 

I think it’s a nice idea, but frankly I think he might be better off with another wife! LOL

Post # 139
Member
2814 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I wouldn’t oppose to him marrying again if I passed away…but my god, it makes me feel so sick to think of another woman raising my daughter. I would want her to have a mommy figure, but at the same time, I just hate the thought.

Like…my worst fear is me dying while she is so young, and wouldn’t be able to remember who I was…

Post # 140
Member
9818 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

We both would want the other to marry again, especially if something happens while we’re relatively young.  There’s no reason you should have to be alone the rest of your life if your spouse passed away when you were 35.

If I were older I’d probably be hesitant about marrying again because I don’t feel I would need to.

My grandmothers never married again and I think their spouses passed away when they were around 45-50 and 60. The one whose spouse passed really early (he was about 50) is 93 now and she’s been living alone for 40 years.  Plenty of kids live close by though so she sees some of her children very frequently.

Post # 141
Member
578 posts
Busy bee

thinking of him sad and lonely all by himself for years just breaks my heart. I can’t bear to think of him with another wife right now, but I know that if I passed away, I would want him to find happiness- even if that means marrying again. 

He jokingly told me before that if i died he would never remarry… but we are so young. I remember being happy he told me that, and telling him I would never remarry either. But when I seriously consider it, I know we would both wish the other happiness for the rest of their life

Post # 142
Member
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@Mrsgurzakovic:  We’ve talked about this and I always tell him that if anything happened to me at a young age, especially if it happened before we had a family, etc, I would absolutely want him to find someone else.  He wants children and I would want him to have that, and to find happiness again.

On the other hand, he is not so wild about the idea of me remarrying, ever, if anything happened to him.  He’s more religious than I am and he always says, “Well if you have two wives, then who do you spend time with in heaven after you’re all dead?”  Lol.  I try to tell him I don’t think it’s as simple as that and I think that our afterlife selves probably aren’t concerned with human jealousies, etc.

Post # 143
Member
5219 posts
Bee Keeper

Of course it would OK for him to remarry! I can’t even control someone’s actions in life, much less after death!

Post # 144
Member
734 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2007

If I’m dead, I definitely want him to be happy (if this means remarrying, then I want him to remarry!) He wants me to remarry as well, if I want to.

I would never want him to stay single if I died because I told him I wanted him to. That’s horrible. I mean, if he did decide to remarry anyway, he’d probably be racked with guilt because of me. I would never want that.

Happiness for everyone!

Post # 145
Member
1585 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I encourage it. We’ve discussed it and he knows that if I die or become a vegetable, I want him to enjoy his life after I am gone. He feels the same way. While we’re both here, we will always be the ones for each other, but after a proper amount of mourning time has passed, I want him to move on and find happiness again.

Post # 146
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I told him he has to be sad for a good long time, but then he can find someone else. 

Post # 147
Member
523 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013 - Callanwolde Fine Arts Center

We actually talked about this after one of our premarital meetings with our pastor. My Darling Husband and I both agreed that while we wouldn’t want to be forgotten, we don’t want the other person sad and alone for the rest of their life. I would much rather Darling Husband remarry someone and be happy than be miserable because I was gone.

Post # 148
Member
552 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I don’t believe love is finite. I don’t believe that any loving relationship SO may have after I’m gone would in any way lessen or degrade the love we have now. I do believe that if SO were to choose to remarry it would speak to the fact that he is a loving, compassionate person and reinforce that our marriage was a positive experience. 

I would however want him to get a prenup/will. Not because we have tons of money or anything, but are working on building a healthy nest egg and especially if we have kids I’d hate to think of someone taking away from FH or our children what we’ve worked very hard to build.

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