(Closed) Would you be okay with a stritly traditional split between male/female roles?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: What are your thoughts on the full "traditional split"
    It is what I want for myself and would need it to feel fullfilled : (22 votes)
    9 %
    I want it, but understand if it is not realistic and can work if need be : (61 votes)
    25 %
    I would probably not feel full-filled but could be a stay-at-home if need be : (34 votes)
    14 %
    I do not want a full traditional split and would not feel content with it : (130 votes)
    53 %
  • Post # 16
    1200 posts
    Bumble bee

    Definitely not. I’ve made it abundantly clear to Fiance that I do not want to be a stay at home mom and that I expect him to be an equal partner in all things house and children-related. His mom was and is a Stay-At-Home Mom, as are most of his aunts, so it’ll be interesting to see how he deals with this in practice. I am extremely invested in my career and in achieving my own professional success, and I do not subscribe to the idea that simply because he has a penis, he should be making more money than me or having his career prioritized over mine. I foresee an uphill battle with this one (he’s asked me things in the past like how I would feel if he made more money than me, if he traveled for work while I did not, or if we had to prioritize his career over mine for whatever reason) but I am passionate about equal opportunity for professional success and fulfillment. 

    That being said, I respect the hell out of SAHMs–if anything, they work longer hours than the rest of us. I just don’t want that for myself. 

    Post # 17
    2871 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2015

    As much as I joke that i want to be a trophy wife, at the same time, not an option for me. I like to work for something, and to be a part of something. Working helps that. I don’t think I would fully be okay with spending my husband’s money when I technically wasn’t workfing for it. 

    And well, I’m a horrible cook, so that wouldn’t go far in my house.

    Post # 18
    2871 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2015

    NFLwidow:  Can I ask what the DINK structure is/means? Never heard that before.

    Post # 20
    173 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: Breckenridge, CO

    Yes to a degree.  Right now I’m working part-time: he’s the breadwinner and I take care of the house

    However even when we have kids I would like to keep working part-time teaching at the community college.  It’s not stressful and I find it very rewarding.  I don’t think I could be 100% dedicated to the house and I definitely don’t want to work full time + parent.  

    Post # 22
    36 posts
    • Wedding: July 2017

    I woud LOVE it! 

    Post # 23
    2109 posts
    Buzzing bee

    No, I would be miserable.

    I am not a domestic person and although when I have children I would love to have the first 12 months at home with them I am sure I will be looking forward to returning to work.

    Post # 24
    1570 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2017

    No, I would not be happy with that set up. We don’t currently, nor do we plan to, have children so I really would only need to cook for and clean up after Fiance and myself. However, this wouldn’t be enough to keep myself busy for 8+ hours so I would get really bored. I like to think I’d be pretty fit though since I’d have all the time in the world to work out and eat healthy.

    Post # 25
    6543 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 1997

    This was our arrangement for over a decade, although we don’t subscribe to the truly “traditional” roles (i.e. man is the head of the household, children should be seen and not heard, a wife’s job is to make her Darling Husband comfortable and have a meal on when he comes home, etc.). So I mostly cared for the kids, and I mostly handled things like parent-teacher conferences and homework, etc. I mostly cooked and cleaned the home. However, Darling Husband always did bath time and often did story time with the kids. He helped a LOT when they were very small and we took turns getting up with them. I had plenty of time by myself (“sanity time”) on weekends, so I didn’t have the kids 24/7. 

    We just believed in having a parent at home, especially because he travelled for work so much. It just worked for us, but we have never been big into “traditional roles” because of any other reason (like religion). Now that all of my children are in middle school or high school, I am teaching again. I still need to keep the same schedule as my kids because Darling Husband still travels, but I am working mostly for something to do.

    Post # 26
    850 posts
    Busy bee

    Fuck no. I like my career and I like taking care of myself. I also do not care much for children and would not be happy raising them at home by myself, or possibly raising any ever.

    Post # 27
    258 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2016 - Sand Key Park- Clearwater Beach Elopement

    That’s sort of how I figure things will be until our (future) children start going to school. Not because it’s traditional and we’re traditional people, we’re not (living together before marriage, I’m a pagan, my fiance’s an atheist, we regularly have sex, etc). It’s just because it will be easier on us that way, we believe. I will be working from home as I am now though to bring in a little extra cash. My fiance on his own doesn’t make a large amount, but me working from home part time will help ease the strain a bit.

    I do want to work out of the home eventually at a full-time job, but not until at least the oldest is in school.

    Post # 28
    2126 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I think I could do the domestic thing – cooking, cleaning, etc etc. but my ultimate goal is to run a company from home. I would love to build it up enough that I don’t have to be there, but still take earnings. Kind of doing both, I guess. Not working at all doesn’t work for me, unless I was in a position where I could earn a high enough hourly rate that I could do just a few hours a week and still feel secure. 

    Post # 29
    3092 posts
    Sugar bee

    I did not work hard for my Masters degree to stay home.I.love my kids more than my own life but I would go mental if I was with them day in and say out so no bueno.

    Post # 30
    5154 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    freshflowers: A friend of mine is totally in a relationship like this BUT her husband treats her like a 50s housewife. She “makes his plate” for him every night (seroiusly – he can’t make his own plate?) INCLUDING a week after she had given birth via c-section… he never picks up a finger to do ANYTHING, he goes to work and plays videogames, etc. You can just see he treats her like she’s his bitch because hes the one who works and shes the one who raises their children.

    So really, I think it depends on the amount of respect from the husband. A woman can easily take care of the kids and household stuff and STILL be respected by her husband. Her husband can help clean up dinner, help w/the kids at night, etc. and I think I’d be ok with it (only until the kids were older). A relationship like my friends have? Hell no. No one will ever demand dinner from me. 

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