(Closed) Would you be okay with a stritly traditional split between male/female roles?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: What are your thoughts on the full "traditional split"
    It is what I want for myself and would need it to feel fullfilled : (22 votes)
    9 %
    I want it, but understand if it is not realistic and can work if need be : (61 votes)
    25 %
    I would probably not feel full-filled but could be a stay-at-home if need be : (34 votes)
    14 %
    I do not want a full traditional split and would not feel content with it : (130 votes)
    53 %
  • Post # 31
    Member
    10651 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2011

    I stay out home out of need.  Would I rather be able to work?  Yes.  Most people can deal with being at home if it is truely out of need though.

    Our roles are still not completely traditionally split.  I do what I can with the household stuff, but Darling Husband does a fiar bit of it.

    Post # 32
    Member
    534 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2016

    The traditional male/female split of duties would make both of us very unhappy. I enjoy working outside of the home and he loves to cook. 

    Post # 33
    Member
    7643 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    echomomm:  My experience is very similar. I was a Stay-At-Home Mom for about 10 years, from (just before) the birth of the first, until a little while after the youngest started school. I thought having a stay-at-home parent was best for when the children were young. But I also believe in us both working when the children are more independent.

    So I’m not sure what category that puts me in 🙂

    Post # 34
    Member
    1206 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    I’d like to stay home for the first year (or maybe two) after we have a baby if it was feasible. I’d eventually want to go back to work though, especially once children are in school. 

    Post # 35
    Member
    4060 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    No….even my “I don’t have to work any more” fantasy is to own a doggy foster farm, so that would still be work.

    I’m not knocking anyone’s choices but I couldn’t ever be a homemaker 24/7. I’d go crazy. Although I’d probably be in awesome shape, as I imagine I would be logging a *lot* more gym time just to get out of the house.

    Post # 36
    Member
    8440 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    It works for us, but I have twins and lots of domestic hobbies (i.e. I sew their diapers, crochet hats, grow our vegetables, etc).  I don’t think staying at home would work for most though.

    Post # 37
    Member
    14492 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    We are a traditional roles home. I stay home, for the most part, and take care of the house and he works. I officiate sports a few months a year which brings in some money but I do it because I love it (some of it is even volunteer) and it enables me to stay in shape without going to a gym. I set my own schedule so it doesn’t interfere with home. I also do a little radio which brings in a very little cash but I did it for years for free. 

    Post # 38
    Member
    200 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    I’m split on this. Fiance works full time, I work part time and study full time. So, in terms of hours spent ‘occupied’, we do about the same, even though I make so so much less than him and he pays all the bills. At home, we originally tried splitting chores 50/50 and it didn’t work, so now we have our individual things that we are good at and we stick to them: I do gardening, laundry, buying all birthday/christmas presents and cards, paying bills, vacuuming, he does the dishes, keeps the kitchen and bathrooms clean, takes the trash out, etc. If one of us is under the pump or sick or whatever, the other person picks up all the slack and does everything – I had eye surgery a few years ago, and it felt really good to know that while I couldn’t do anything Fiance would just do all the cooking, cleaning, pet care, etc without even having to be asked. 

    When/if we have kids, I will go on maternity leave and I expect I will pick up most of the childcare responsibilities during this time. But after I return to work, I expect it to be more equal. I couldn’t willingly sign up to coparent with somebody who would act like it was all my job, nor would I do what I see a lot of my female friends doing – cutting their husband out, acting like he is an idiot and incapable of caring for his own kids. 

    Post # 39
    Member
    1218 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    Wouldn’t work very well for us. My job gives us health insurance and a great retirement plan, Fiance is self employed, so has to pay for his insurance and his retirement plan is ok but not as good as mine. I am the one with all the student loan debt, too, so it would feel unfair to let him go work to pay off my student loans.  

    Also, I think we wouldn’t enjoy this.  He likes to cook. I like fixing things around the house.  We read “Spousonomics” together and that helped with figuring out how things would work for us.

    Post # 40
    Member
    385 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2016

    I’m the odd one out I guess! My daughter is disabled and I dream of the day I can focus 100% on her, future children and my spouse. It’s really tough juggling a disabled kiddo, flaky childcare, school, a full time job and all the curve balls life throws. 

     

    My Fiance knows that once we have kids, I’ll stay at home and work from home. I’m not volunteering for more stress multiplied by more children. he wants babies, I’m more than happy to have the four he wants. He’s happy to have me at home to take care of all of us. We are pretty traditional (I was raised by my old school grandparents) but he is 100% not the misogynist meanie that would expect me to wait on him. He helps a TON. i try my best to help him too. 

    • This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  Haageedoo.
    Post # 41
    Member
    608 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2015

    I have trouble answering this, as this is more or less the set-up as we’re living now, by virtue of me being unable to work right now – and honestly I’m way happier, relaxed, and content that I’ve been in a very long time.

    That being said – I’m doing this for a family of adults, not just my husband. I mainly cook, unload the dishwasher, do laundry, keep really detailed inventories of our food, etc. I also do farm chores like feed goats, and stalk the coyote on the farm. My mother in law still does a lot of the floor-scrubbing and usually someone else will load the dishwasher as I -hate- it.

    So… I wouldn’t be down for a true split in terms of me doing ALL the chores, but I am content with staying home and contributing non-monetarily.

    Post # 42
    Member
    4426 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    freshflowers:  We actually have an opposite situation going on right now. Darling Husband is back in school full time and completing his degree online. He is a Stay-At-Home Dad to our 7-week old son. I am back at work and our sole income while he finishes his degree. He tells me (and I completely believe him) that it is exhausting and hard work to be at home with a kid all day. He barely gets any adult interaction and our son is still very young and eating or pooping/peeing constantly and it’s challenging to get out of the house for long. I miss my baby terribly during the day, but get to interact with othe and do the job I (mostly) love. I am still, overall, more domestic as I love leaning and organizing. However, we have decided that when our son is 4-5, regardless of if we have a second child or not, I will get to experience being a Stay-At-Home Mom for a year or two. I like that our son will see his parents contributing to our family in different ways over the years (mom works/dad at home, dad works/mom at home, both work) so he knows all options are valid. I doubt I could be a Stay-At-Home Mom for more than a year or two without something at least going on part time. I love having something that is just mine and that makes me feel powerful. 

    ETA: Whike I am more “domestic” in terms of keeping up with chores and household things, Darling Husband is totally the better cook and handles the chores (litter box, trash) I hate, so we have a pretty even split! It will continue to be that way regardless of our family dynamic. 

    • This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  KatiePi.
    Post # 43
    Member
    59 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    I am a professional and have invested a lot of time, energy and money into my career (and I have the student loans to prove it). I also love having the financial freedom and the feeling of accomplishment that comes with my job. On the other hand I think I am maternal. I love to cook, don’t mind cleaning, and love to take care of others. I think my ideal situation would be to work only part-time, but where I’m working right now that would never be an option. I’ve accepted the fact that I’ll likely work full-time to continue in my career and sacrifice some of the time I would otherwise prefer to spend at home with any future children and I’m ok with that and believe I will still be happy and fulfilled. I know that there is no way I would be happy or satisfied giving up my career and being at home full time. My job provides me with a lot of satisfaction and it’s a huge part of my identity. 

    Post # 44
    Member
    5161 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 2010

    Hell no.

    It was very important to both my husband and I to have a non-traditional, egalitarian relationship…it was actually one of our “dealbreaker” topics when we first met online and we’re going through early questions. We both were looking for someone who did not care for so-called “traditional” gender roles.

    My career is important to me, I have put a lot of time and enery into it, as is my life outside the home. My husband also likes to work, AND he likes to care for our home. I am the primary breadwinner by far, but we treat each other as equals, and can trust and rely on each other as equals both inside and outside the home. 

    Also, I am childfree AND would rather work a 10-12 hour day then spend 2 hours doing housework so….yeah, the stay at home thing, especially the stay at home mom thing, would be my own personal nightmare.

    Post # 45
    Member
    225 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2016

    My ideal would be somewhat of a compromise, and it’s something that we’re working toward.

    I’d love to stay home with my kids, cook dinner, bake, clean, etc. I love children and I love cooking and cleaning so.. it would work. However, I’d still expect him to help with certain things once he got off of work, because like another bee mentioned SAH-anything is a non-stop job. I wouldn’t be okay with a non-stop job just because he worked a “regular” job.

    I wouldn’t be down with the expectation that I’m always dressed to the nines and making sure his every need is taken care of, though. To me that is a Stepford Wife and something that I could never be, lol.

    EDIT: I don’t think ANYONE should ever accept that lifestyle without something to fall back on. I’m getting my bachelors regardless so if Fiance ever loses his job and needs me to work I can, and in case we ever get a divorce and I need to support myself.

    • This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  mrstbone.

    The topic ‘Would you be okay with a stritly traditional split between male/female roles?’ is closed to new replies.

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