(Closed) Would you be okay with a stritly traditional split between male/female roles?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: What are your thoughts on the full "traditional split"
    It is what I want for myself and would need it to feel fullfilled : (22 votes)
    9 %
    I want it, but understand if it is not realistic and can work if need be : (61 votes)
    25 %
    I would probably not feel full-filled but could be a stay-at-home if need be : (34 votes)
    14 %
    I do not want a full traditional split and would not feel content with it : (130 votes)
    53 %
  • Post # 76
    Member
    881 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2006

    FantasticFawn:  

    Unfortunately, it is typical and almost fashionable for women to look down on other women who live traditional lives. What makes me laugh is those types love to brag about how educated they are, yet their education has not taught them to be tolerant and open minded. 

    As for whether or not Bees can be disrespectful, I think that if you’re offended you can always report posts that upset you and see how the moderators handle it. 

    Post # 77
    Member
    1150 posts
    Bumble bee

    My husband and I have fairly traditional roles in our household and it works very well for us.  He makes most of the money and I do most of the domestic work.  It has always been this way, even when I worked 40+ hours a week outside the home.  He still made most of the money and I still handled the bulk of the domestic work.  Now I work fewer hours outside the home and it’s pretty fantastic.  We have a much more happy, harmonious home now.  I certainly don’t get bored.  You know what was boring?  Seven out of eight hours I spent in the office on any given day.    

    My husband would be fine with me not doing any paid work outside the home at all but I’m not ready to go that far yet, I’m still getting used to a reduced schedule.  I also don’t know what the future holds and what kind of work I might get into down the line.  I am a changing & evolving creature.  I think it is possible that I return to a bigger focus on work outside the home again someday. 

    If we had any kids there is no way I’d have a job outside the home though, I’d definitely be a sahm. 

     

    Post # 78
    Member
    62 posts
    Worker bee

    I’m totally in the minority but yes, my husband and I plan on taking traditional roles when it comes to raising the children. He is the sole breadwinner and I am in charge of cooking and taking care of our future kids. Our first is due in April and we have already agreed upon this going forward. Right now, I am working PT and will eventually quit and stay at home full time. Eventually, we are tossing around the idea of homeschooling but that is still years away so we’ll see.

    To me, no job or career is more fufilling than being able to stay home and raise our kids the way we want them to be raised. I feel very lucky and blessed to be in this position.

    Post # 79
    Member
    1150 posts
    Bumble bee

    Worried9887:  May I ask who does clean your floors and toilets since it seems that you find those tasks beneath you?  Honestly curious.  These are things that must be done, there’s no way around that, everyone’s floors & toilets get dirty.  So who is doing them at your house?  

    Post # 80
    Member
    25 posts
    Newbee

    As a feminist, if another woman made an informed decision about what life she wanted to have, I would only support her. Some women want to be SAHMs and some want to have what society would deem a “career” (you could argue raising kids is a full time unpaid job with no leave entitlements!). If they and their family are happy, that’s all that matters.

    I may have what some people deem to be a successful career (entirely subjective), yet I don’t think having a high powered career as a lawyer or doctor etc is more important than being a mother or father. In fact, I could argue that being a parent is the most important job in the world! You’re raising the next generation. How could anyone look down on that???

    Although I personally don’t think I am capable of being a Stay-At-Home Mom, I have nothing but respect for those who choose to do so.

    Post # 81
    Member
    780 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    I’m due in April with our first child and my Darling Husband really want me to be a Stay-At-Home Mom. I always thought that this is what I wanted, but now I’ not so sure. He makes enough for us to live comfortably but I am a worrier. What if he can’t work anymore or gets fired or die or divorce me… What am I going to do then, with a baby to take care of? That’s my issue right now in deciding what to do. I already do almost all the housework anyways, and work part time so, I think I could manage. But I’ve been independent and taking care of myself since I was 17, so I’m really nervous to depend solely on him.

    Post # 82
    Member
    688 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    My boyfriend is way more domestic than I am, and I’m a total workaholic. If anything, I’d love to be able to financially support both of us, if he wanted that. I could imagine him being into it. 

    Post # 83
    Member
    8 posts
    Newbee

    Honestly, I was always against this. I felt like it was stupid and both parties need to establish themselves in the relationship by contributing to it. Now, I’m a Stay-At-Home Mom. I take care of our daughter since she’s not quite at that school age yet. I do the laundry, the dishes, the cleaning, the cooking and I love it. It doesn’t take that much time out of your day if you keep on top of it, and there’s plenty more family time which is most important to us. With some nice budgeting you won’t struggle too bad. There will always be hard months, but the same goes for everyone in different ways. I miss working and we definitely miss the extra money. I quit my job in 2014 when our work schedules started overlapping, and we personally believe a child should be around family more than a baby sitter. But I don’t think either one of us would trade this time together for extra income. We even tried him staying home and me working at one point in 2015, but he has an outgoing personality and mine is more introverted so we weren’t very happy with those results. Either way, everyone finds a way that works for them in the end. 

    Post # 84
    Member
    177 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    Rafissch:  you sound a lot like me! When I was a little girl and people asked me what I “wanted to be” I would always say “a mom!” I left my traditional, higher paying 9-5 for a simple retail job. I have so much more time for the home and I have never felt better. I felt the same way as you about having a career. I would clock out and feel like I spent the day surviving. I LIVED for the weekend not so I could party or relax, but instead cook, clean, bake, decorate etc. I’m really looking forward to having kids very soon! 

    I feel like it would really hurt me if I couldn’t stay home with my kids. Right now all we have is a dog and it breaks my heart to be away from him! Seriously…I get routinely sad over having to leave him alone and I miss him all day!! Lol! 

    Post # 85
    Member
    177 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    Mrs.Massontobee:  congratulations on your baby!! 🙂 I know a lot of SAH are naturally anxious about relying on someone financially. My Fiance literally makes 5x more than I do right now and eventually, once I have kids, i won’t have an income at all. Obviously I depend on him more than he does me In terms of money. We have the finances arranged in a way that makes me comfortable and secure. If anything were to happen to him or to us, we will both be okay. 

    I find that gives me lots of peace of mind, so make sure you have a plan for that. With that said, it’s sort of useless to live your life worrying about all of the terrible things that might happen. You could always work 1-2 days a week to stay connected and avoid having a gap In your resume, then later on go back full time. These days everyone has options. 

    Post # 86
    Member
    534 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2016

    silkybutterbee:  That’s the way we are too. If we were to have a partner stay at home, it would be him. He loves to cook and his homemade bread is amazing. 

    Post # 87
    Member
    780 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    applepie15:  Thank you for your advice. I’ll have to do a little more research. I’ve always wanted to be a mom too, so I really want to give it a try.

    Post # 88
    Member
    6107 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I’m not above being a Stay-At-Home Mom and would totally do that and take care of the house if I could. I get feeling of importance out of my job. It’s simply a paycheck for me. The only thing I’d miss about my job is my work friends. I’d actually miss them a lot. But not sitting at a desk staring at computer 40 hours a week…yeah, wouldn’t miss that. I actually think that I’d get more pleasure and feel more proud if my house was spotless and my dinners were extraordinary. There’s something to be said about the feeling you get when you have a beautiful spotless home that people admire and you make meals that your spouse adores. Also, I’d defintely take up more volunteer work which is one of the most rewarding things you can do.

    Post # 89
    Member
    1165 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    When that time comes for us (being married and eventually having kids) I would like to be the one that stays home with the children and looks after the house. But my SO would have no problem cleaning or cooking a few times a week to help me out. We don’t look at it as male and female roles, we just look at it as something that needs to be done and we both help in any way we can.

    And he would want to be there for the kids in forms of parent teacher conferences, helping with homework, and anything else. His job makes more money than mine would so it makes sense as to why he would be the one working, and I value raising kids myself and not putting them in daycare (not bashing anyone who chooses daycare as an option for them, do whatever you need for your family!)

    I don’t know if financially we will be able to do this, but I really hope that when that time comes we can. I don’t have any problem with the female being the one who works and having the male stay home and do the cooking/cleaning and kid watching. I think whatever is going to help the family be financially stable and works for both people is important.

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