(Closed) Would you be pissed? I certainly am!

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 32
Member
1076 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

They don’t have to do anything for you and they can fund their daughters wedding if they want. It may not be fair, but it’s their money.

Post # 33
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Weetzie:  Keep in mind, parents are required to financially contribute to your wedding.  But did they agree to host the rehearsal?  When your Father-In-Law suggested your parents house, did he offer to pay for catering?  If he’s suggesting doing it there with your folks in charge of food and cleanup, then the answer is No.  If they won’t pay for a restaurant then plan on paying for it yourselves.

I understand why you’re upset.  But if they never offered to host the rehearsal (i.e. you assumed they woud since that’s the tradition), you don’t really have a leg to stand on.  If he did offer and this is what he wants to do… well then you have to decline and pay yourself.  Sucky.  But that’s life.  Sorry!

Post # 34
Member
1263 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I would be pissed if this were an ongoing issue, and these were just examples of their inconsideration. If this were just a one-off, I would try to shrug it off, though. The rehearsal thing sucks, but it kinda depends on where your parents’ property is located. Is it a farmhouse, or is it in a city where they could easily do the rehearsal, then go to a restaurant? How many people would be invited, and would it be an affordable event? I’m of the opinion that no one (other than the couple getting married) has to contribute to a wedding. It’s great if they do, but they don’t have to (tradition be damned!). I also don’t believe that you can really compare each set of parents’ contributions to the wedding – it’s just not fair on any of the parents at all.

I held my wedding on my parents’ property, and we did the rehearsal there, then had a BBQ at their house afterwards. The in-laws weren’t even present.

The champagne thing would annoy me, though. If they’ve said they could do something (and it’s something that would be quite simple), then they don’t do it, I would be pretty peeved. But I’d just be nice and polite saying “That’s okay if you can’t afford to buy the champagne yourselves – we’ll reimburse you for it if you can order it for us.”

Post # 35
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee

Welll….if you think about it, the logic of having the Rehearsal Dinner at the same place as the rehearsal DOES make sense. I think they approached it completely wrong, tho, in ASSUMING it would be OK with your parents, and not discussing the possibility with them FIRST.  If you just wanted a casual gathering, and they took over the setup, providing everything and the subsequent cleanup AND it was held outside, maybe it would be fine with your parents. You haven’t said how many people would be included, so it could work out fine if everyone was in agreement.

 

 

 

I don’t think anyone sets up the wedding area the night before when it is being held outside, as everything would be a mess. Overnight dew, dirt, bird droppings, bad weather, wind, rain and debris would be ruining your tables, so I’m sure no one wants to do double the work. Have his parents offered to help with the wedding setup at all? I can’t imagine they are really that clueless or inconsiderate and haven’t offered any assistance.

 

 

 

My IL’s were the same way since it was my husband’s second wedding, as they felt since he ‘did it before’ we shouldn’t have much of anything. My Mom shut them down immediately saying it was MY first, so why shouldn’t we have it all? They still didn’t help, but gave us $400. right before the wedding and no Rehearsal Dinner.

 

 

 

Of course you have every right to be upset about it, and I’m guessing that anyone right in the thick of it would feel the same. Let HIM talk to his parents, tho, and maybe help them see the big picture.

 

 

 

Post # 37
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I agree with what some people are saying. I have just started my wedding plans and have no expectations what so ever that anyone is going to contribute anything to my wedding. It is totally for me and my fiance to pay for. Yes, my parents and future in laws say they will pay for some things, but that is just an added bonus. Anything they contribute would be greatly appreciated and if they can’t afford anything or don’t contribute then I won’t hold it against them at all.

Post # 38
Member
274 posts
Helper bee

No your inlaws or anyone else do not have any obligation to contribute anything to your wedding.  If your engaged and planning a wedding than your fiancé and you should be financially able to pay for your own wedding.  Any help you get is generous and you should be grateful 

Post # 39
Member
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I would call them about the champagne, say “I think we had a communication mix up, we still need XXX bottles, how much is that, I can send you a check. That’s a pretty obious hint without being ungracious. 

The whole thing about rehearsal at your parents house…I’d say, my parents won’t be able to manage that and the wedding reception too because everything will already be set up for the wedding. No means flipping no!! Then they will have to come up with plan B.

How rude to invite themselves. 

Yes, I agree that no one should expect a financial obligation from either side of the family when they get engaged, but to me this sounds like they OFFERED in the first place and are just being difficult now, which isn’t okay. 

 

Post # 40
Member
779 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Weetzie:  I think your totally overacting. No one owes you anything for your wedding. I don’t know where ppl get this from, not your patents, not his, not your BMs & GMs, etc…

 

i will say I would’ve expected the 24 bottles of champagne since they volunteered to donate that. But you can’t tell someone what they can afford. You can’t tell someone how to spend their money…PERIOD!

ETA now that I see this is your FIs second wedding I think you’re being e en more unrealistic. They’ve already gone done this road once. How many weddings is a parent “required” to fund?! I say none but one is definitely enough 

 

Post # 41
Member
1970 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

@Weetzie:  Well…I’m going to take the opposite side and say maybe they can’t afford to help because their daughter IS having a 200 person wedding and shopping at Kleinfelds.  If they are footing the bill for their daughter’s wedding, maybe they believe they really shouldn’t have to help a whole lot with yours?  Not to mention they may just not have the funds 🙁

Post # 42
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

No your not over reacting… Their trying to keep that extra money for there daughter….

The topic ‘Would you be pissed? I certainly am!’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors