(Closed) Would you be prepared to be together forever without a ring?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Would you be prepared to be together forever without a ring?
    Yep, l am committed to him no matter what : (35 votes)
    38 %
    No, marriage means far too much to me : (55 votes)
    59 %
    Other (please explain) : (3 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    366 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    I have no good way to explain why I feel this way but absolutely not. For me marriage has always been what I’ve wanted out of a long term commited relationship. Fiance and I have been together for 4 years and while I felt no rush to get engaged if I thought there was no chance that my Fiance would ever want to marry me it would have been an issue. I think it just is a personal thing at the end of the day. I know some people don’t care about the label spouse, but its just what I personally want for myself and our future family. Sorry I can’t be more articulate about it or provide any well reasoned defenses of my position.

    Post # 4
    Member
    2104 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I love my Fiance all the same before and after being engaged, and while we were dating I was completely fine if we never married (I still feel that way).  I love and trust him so much that I personally couldn’t find any justification for spending money on a wedding since the level of committment from both of us has always been there.  But a wedding is important to him, so out of love I’m doing this for him, but if it were up to me I’d either remain together and unmarried or elope so that the ceremony is completely private and about us.  The legal benefits of being married are starting to grow on me, so it’s a little incentive I guess (like being able to make medical decisions and such).

    Post # 5
    Member
    4358 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    You should add a poll!

    Personally, there is something about marriage.  I can’t really explain it, but no, I could not be in a relationship longterm without marriage.

    Post # 6
    Member
    580 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Without a ring yes, without marriage – no.

    Post # 7
    Member
    7977 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

    I would not wait forever without marriage because I feel that marriage is still important for child rearing. It gives the partner who takes maternity leave more legal rights if the couple split, it solidifies them as a unit in law, it simplifies things if one of them dies. It also gives you tax benefits which help in raising a family. I want a family at some stage. I’m not saying I want one now, but I want one eventually. I would not have a family without being married. Therefore, any relationship which did not lead to marriage would have a definite sell-by date…

    Post # 8
    Member
    862 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    are there any reasons NOT to get married, if a couple is so sure they want to be together forever? marriage is just telling the whole world yes, you are serious about each other. can you be serious about each other without publicly making it known? sure, but why *not* make it official to the world, even if it doesn’t change much between you two?

    and to answer the question–unless there is a really good reason why marriage is out of the cards (he’s a spy and has to stay under-cover or risk immediate death), I would not willingly stay with a guy who did not intend to marry me.

    Post # 9
    Member
    7777 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    I can honestly say that if Darling Husband hadn’t joined the military…. we probably never would have gotten legally married. I’ve never seen myself as the girl who is a wife and I never wanted to get married. Even as a kid, I never dreamed of a wedding or being a bride. It just never really mattered. It’s not that I don’t love him or want to spend the rest of my life with him, it’s just that the “official” aspect wasn’t important. And we must really be the oddballs because I’M the one that feels this way. Darling Husband was the one to bring up getting married. It was probably more important to him than it was to me.

    I think that the two of us would have been perfectly content just living together, having children and enjoying the rest of our lives without marriage, though. I think he just wanted to tie me down so I couldn’t run off with someone else while he was away, not that I would have. lol

    Post # 12
    Member
    862 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    @Bears-bub: I can understand if divorcees never want to get married again. but as a young person with the hope that love is forever, for me, not getting married makes no sense. I WANT to proclaim that yes, I am absolutely sure I’ll spend the rest of my life with this person. and I would want someone who’s equally unembittered (naive? trusting?) about the future.

    of course if we eventually got divorced and things didn’t work out, maybe I’ll change my tune. 😉 but for now, for me, I see marriage as a proclaimation that ‘this will last forever’, and I would only want to be with someone who could openly share in this ideal with me.

     

    –HOWEVER, if there really was a good reason we couldn’t get married, something outside his control, I would happily stay by his side till the day I died. but if he just didn’t want to get married because he ‘didn’t believe in it’ or ‘wasn’t sure’ or some silly thing, then he’s not the man I thought he was and I would leave. from the start (before we even dated, actually) he told me he wanted to marry me, so marriage was never an ‘if’ but a ‘when’.

    Post # 14
    Member
    862 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I’m glad you guys have a great relationship from the sounds of it, and I totally agree children born out of wedlock should have the mom’s last name! ;D heck even if it’s born in a marriage I would want the last names combined. well, that’d be for another topic!

    Post # 15
    Member
    1319 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2012

    Nope. But we believe that a married relationship is and should be different from a non-married relationship. So if we weren’t married, we wouldn’t be living together, and definitely not having children. We wouldn’t have a household or a home together. That all comes with a marriage. And since these are my beliefs, I wouldn’t be with someone who didn’t share them, so there you go.

    Post # 16
    Member
    224 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2012 - Glades Pike Winery, Somerset, PA

    If Fiance hadn’t wanted to get married, he wouldn’t be the person I’d want to spend the rest of my life with. Marriage has always been a goal of mine in life, and if the person I was with was a “never get married” type, well, he wouldn’t be the right one for me. I would need to be with someone who shared that same outlook/goal/value of wanting to get married.

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