(Closed) Would you be put off by this shower invite?

posted 5 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would pass on sending a present. 

I can understand, to some degree, why she did this. But I wouldnt do it myself.

Post # 4
1333 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2017 - Seattle, WA

@cmbr:  Personally I don’t see anything rude about the free-for-all invite.  Untraditional, yes.  But she’s not excluding anyone.  I wouldn’t let it keep me from sending a gift, especially since she’ll likely be at your shower and wedding.

Post # 5
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

#1. No, you don’t have to send a gift if you aren’t going.

#2. However, if she’s coming to your shower and they are family friends, it might be wise to. Lady games.

#3. Yes, it is rude to be invited to the shower but not the wedding, but I will say destination weddings are tricky — people want to be included in the excitement stuff, even if they can’t go to the wedding, and it can be hard to know where to draw the line. She may have just thought she was being polite since you are inviting her to your things, or her mom might have made her, or who knows.

Personally, I’d send a $25 gift and be done with it, but I certainly don’t think you are obligated to.

Post # 6
5400 posts
Bee Keeper

Does it bother you because it makes it seem like she just wants gifts? Or because you don’t want to be invited to something anyone can show up at?

Post # 7
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@cmbr:  Since Iit eessentially sounds like this couple forwent the traditional wedding invites and she’s expected at your shower and wedding, you should at least send a gift. 

Post # 8
4687 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

RUDE- as you are invited to the shower and not the wedding. Who does that?!!!

She probably just realizes she’s not going to get a lot of presents because she’s having a Destination Wedding wedding and wants to make sure she can secure some booty!!!

Post # 9
11233 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@NAvery:  All of this.

She’s either lazy (didn’t want to do shower invites) or gift grabby.

Post # 10
1069 posts
Bumble bee

I’m kind of torn on this one. I had a destination wedding when I first got married and I had two showers and a lot of people came who weren’t invited to the wedding. No one was formally invited to any of them, they just asked about them and wanted to come.

Post # 11
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

If she’s invited to yours, I think you should give her a gift.

Post # 13
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Yes you have to send a gift if your not attending the shower. 

The Destination Wedding invite is an odd thing, I’ve had a few.  My niece had one similiar to inviting whomever could attend.   She didn’t want to make it a gift grab, by sending out official invites, if you couldn’t go.  

It’s not that your not invited to the wedding, if you want you can go, but this way she’s not hitting you up twice for a gift, one for the shower and one for the wedding. 

Post # 14
5400 posts
Bee Keeper

@cmbr:  yeah I understand. I guess destination weddings are kind of a tricky situation for most couples as far as invites. maybe they just thought they would include people in their shower that can’t come to their Destination Wedding. Or maybe they just want lots of gifts! Who knows. 

Post # 15
6355 posts
Bee Keeper

If you don’t go to the shower you are not obligated to send a gift. A shower invite should never be extended when a wedding invite is not. If the wedding is destination, there is usually no shower. Sometimes there is a larger reception at home after.

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