(Closed) Would you be upset?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Would your feelings be hurt
    YES my feelings would be hurt (Invite them to the wedding anyway) : (63 votes)
    61 %
    Yes my feelings would be hurt (DO NOT invite them to the wedding) : (37 votes)
    36 %
    No my feelings would not be hurt (invite them to the wedding) : (4 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    853 posts
    Busy bee

    Awww, I’m so sorry to hear this! Yes, I think that how you’r’e feeling is perfectly normal and completely justified. You’re right—you asked these girls first, and they should have the common courtesy to understand that if they can’t afford to be bridesmaids in both, they should say no to the other girl, rather than drop out of yours after agreeing to be in the wedding party.

    Post # 4
    Member
    416 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I cant vote. I need to know if you feel that you will be friends with these girls in five years? If not then dont invite them. I think what they did was real crappy. Forget them. Pick girls you know u will be friends with in five years or dont have any. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    2254 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Hell yes I’d be upset. I’m sorry they did this. Do you maybe have younger sisters or cousins that can help out? Better yet, maybe have no attendants? Maybe your mother or aunt can host your shower? Again, I’m sorry!

    Edit: Ooops, forgot about the “invitation portion.” I guess this would depend if you think your friendship can survive this. Based on what I’ve read on other threads, BM’s backing out or being kicked out are the kiss of death for friendships, but that is entirely up to you. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    208 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I have to say I read this and was pissed for you.  I asked my fiance what he thought and his response was something like, “That’s fd up, F those Bs”…but obviously all spelling out:) 

    They don’t sound like good friends to me, I’m sorry you’re having to deal with them.

     

    EDIT-even bridal parties are totally overrated.  Have the people who care about you and mean the most to you stand by your side. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    2692 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    Yet another horror story of asking your bridesmaids to be in your wedding too soon.  Now it puts you in an awkward situation to ask people you didnt even want in your party to begin with and that sucks.  I hope you figure it out though and hell yes, I’d be pissed.

    This is the childish part of me speaking but I would just not even bother inviting them to the wedding… after all this, it just shows you who your true friends are and if they aren’t true why  would you want them there to celebrate your special day after what they did. I am not saying to never forgive them… you will have to get over it, but you have to face facts and just move on: maybe, just maybe they don’t value your friendship as much you thought.

    Post # 10
    Member
    385 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    I am sorry these girls are treating you this way, especially the friend who is getting married since she should know how awful it is to back out of being a bridesmaid! How would she feel if that happened to her?

    Honestly, their reasons seem flimsy to me. I can’t see how being in 2 weddings, 6 months apart is “too expensive” when you’re offering to help pick up the tab. If it were me and I wanted to try to salvage the relationships, I’d initiate one more conversation with them. I’d re-state the offer to do everything I could to make it financially feasible for them to be bridesmaids (no extra expenses for bridal shower, pay for or leave hair/makeup/dress up to them so they could spend what they’re comfortable with, although I think they should be able to pay for their own lodging unless they are saying they can’t come even as a guest).

    If they still say they can’t I would take that as a won’t and seriously re-consider having them in my life. If they aren’t the type of friend to be “inconvienced” after agreeing to be part of your day, they don’t seem like someone who will support you in other areas of life either. I wouldn’t worry about people thinking you’re choosing from a “B-list” of bridesmaids if you ask other friends. If you choose to ask someone else, simply say “I realized that my other friends weren’t the type of person I want to have stand next to me, but I would like you to be part of this milestone with me.” Hopefully they’ll understand that.

    Post # 11
    Member
    675 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2017 - Ceremony and Reception: Historic mansion on the water

    That was crappy indeed but I voted to invite them to the wedding and still send them invites.  I think by doing so you are showing that you are the bigger person.  I would be very surprised if they accpeted to come to the wedding.  Their guilt will most likely keep them away.  However, if they do decide to come you are in control of the seating chart.  Put in the back near the door with all of the obnoxious relatives and friends.  LOL! 

     

    Post # 12
    Member
    1866 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I can totally understand being sad, but understand where you are coming from. It’s not just the dress and the shower. It’s shoes, alterations, potentially accomodations for the wedding, wedding gifts, shower gifts, bachelorette party, etc. It adds up. I’ve spent a ton of money on being in weddings and I’d struggle with being in two at once. It does suck that they all dropped out, that was definitely insensitive of them. But if i were in their position and i felt like i had to drop out for financial reasons, I would drop out of the wedding of the person that I wasn’t as close to, regardless of when i was asked. Maybe that’s unfair, but I think thats realistic. I think its better they dropped out early than strung you along and screwed you over right before the wedding. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    853 posts
    Busy bee

    Okay, this is really passive aggressive and it’s coming from a place of me being pissed off for you, but what if you still invited them to the wedding, and didn’t invite them to the bridal shower, bachelorette, and rehearsal dinner? Also, if they do attend your wedding, what if you seat them at the back crappy table as others have suggested? That way, you can be the ‘bigger person’ by still including them in the wedding, but hopefully they’ll get the point that because of their shitty behavior, you haven’t included them in any of the fun events that surround the wedding. I would also decline to go to the other girl’s shower/bachelorette party. Maybe that’s really petty, but I think their behavior is just plain RUDE! I’m sorry they’ve been so crappy 🙁

    Post # 15
    Member
    4069 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    @Mrs.Moser:  It’s crappy yes.  And I’d be pissed, but only in the short term.  But I’d still invite them since they are your friends and you wanted there as BMs why not as just guests?  If they’d pulled out for another reason (or you’d not know about the other wedding) would you be as upset?

    If you chose to no longer be friends with them then I’d not invite them.

    On a similar note (but different) I wasn’t asked to be Bridesmaid or Best Man in a friends wedding and I was upset for a long time (especially since one of her 2 BMs is disliked by both her Fiance and most of her other friends).  But I got over it.  She’s been a friend for years and I love her no matter what her decision.

    Post # 16
    Member
    635 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I’d invite them just so I didn’t have to explain why I didn’t in case they asked. I wouldn’t invite them to anything else (showers, Bach night out) tho. Im also the type of person that I either love you or I hate you, no in-between for me. That said, I would also give them a crappy seat. and I would not spend a lot of time at the reception speaking to them.

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