Post # 1
Someone you invited went to your ceremony but another persons reception? Vice versa? Or would you perfer them attend both or neither?
Keep in mind this other persons wedding is FIs ex, and the people in question are one of FIs closest friend and his wife (FI was his best man at their wedding ten months ago)
Post # 4
I would be upset if they came to the reception but not the ceremony, or they didn’t come at all. I feel that if they just came for the reception they would just be coming for the free food and drink, and not the main point of the day, which is the marriage of the couple!
Post # 5
As stated, I would be annoyed if they came to the reception but not the ceremony. I would feel they were just in it for the free food and booze. Honestly, I would rather them not come at all if they had to pick and choose who to celebrate with.
Post # 6
@Jacqui90: I understand why people feel like this, but i just feel like thats a cop out and they are putting in an appearance to save face and actually perfer to go and spend time with the other couple. We will not see or talk to the friend because you know we will be getting married, where at the reception when we get to have photos and speeches and dances and get to mingle with the guest he wont be there.
Post # 7
It wouldn’t worry which way round they did it just that they came. But then again I went into wedding planning understanding that my wedding was the biggest thing in my life and not necessarily the biggest thing in anyone elses.
Post # 8
@Pokemon: Yeah I would much rather they were there for the whole day, and I would prefer the couple split up for the day so they could each attend the whole wedding of the person they were closest to, like I mentioned on your other thread 🙂
Post # 9
1. Eh, if they left to attend someone else’s reception then I would be upset they couldn’t stay but I would understand. I mean they have other friends and I understand that they want to celebrate with both of us. I would be happy that they chose to actually come and see us get married rather than just attending the party bit.
2. Since the people in question are my close friends in this situation I would be okay with them just coming to the reception, but if they were acquaintances or something then I might feel like they saw my wedding as free booze and food and would probably rather they didn’t come. It’s fine if they had another wedding of close friends to go to but I’d tell them not to come at all if they just didn’t want to sit through the wedding or something.
OP, if you are actually in this situation then I understand why you would feel offended,. But I think you need to accept that the other couple are obviously close friends too and just try to be happy that the couple made the effort to come and celebrate with you. I know it might sting a little more that it’s your FI’s ex’s wedding the friends are splitting their time between but you shouldn’t take it personally – the couple are entitled to be friends with FI’s ex if they want to be and it’s not a slight against you that they want to attend his/her wedding.
Post # 10
@Jacqui90: I don’t think that’s really fair. That way one part of the couple are missing out on seeing a friend get married or celebrating a friend’s marriage. I think it’s good of the couple to try and make both weddings and it’s a little selfish and immature to demand the couple each miss out on being part of a friend’s wedding day so they can be present all day at your wedding.
Post # 11
That is rude as shit.
I have a friend who constantly does stuff like this (except less terrible, because she isn’t trying to attend 2 weddings on the same day), like only comes for the food at the reception & misses the entire rest of the night (ceremony & dancing portion of reception).
If you don’t plan to give me your undivided attention, don’t come at all.
(I had elderly people only come to the ceremony, but it was for health reasons, which is totally differently than trying to attend 2 weddings in the same day).
Post # 12
@Ruby-Redshoes: I am not suggesting that the OP demand that they be there all day, and I don’t think she is going to demand that or would even consider demanding that. I just think since the husband is closer to the OP’s FI, and the wife is closer to the FI’s ex, it would make sense that they each attend the wedding of the one they are closer to. And as for the ex girlfriend’s wedding that they would only be attending the reception of, I get that they are compromise, but I would feel hurt if I was that bride, that I wasn’t good enough for them to actually come see me get married (the main point), but I was good enough to pay for them to eat food and drink what they liked and party on my dime. But they are between a rock and a hard place and I think it is good they are coming up with an (almost) fair compromise.
Post # 13
From an Etiquette point of view…
The Ceremony is the main event.
To miss the Reception altho sad, is not a full on faux pas.
Ideally they’d come for the Ceremony… stay for Cocktail Hour and then bid adieu
I have seen your other post on this topic
If they were more “mature” about the whole scenario they’d spend some time together during the day… and some time apart… supporting their own individual friends (assuming that the two Weddings are relatively close in proximity)
To play favourites or bid one against the other sucks… and is really quite immature
Based on your other post, I take it the wife is driving the bus, and the Husband (your Groom’s buddy) doesn’t have the balls to stand up to her and just say… “Look hon, I can do this and this… but I can’t do this and that”
Sad… the state of some people’s relationships.
Post # 14
@Jacqui90: I wont demand but at this point (it may just be because im beyond reason furious) I will make it clear that after everything we did for his wedding to make it amazing if he wont attend ours he will not be welcome in our lives.
FI did all of his best man “duties” for this friend as well as I drove him to the hotel hour out of town the night before, I drove them both there the night of afterwards. I stayed back after the wedding to clean the reception venue as it had to be cleaned that night or they wouldnt get their bond ect ect
Post # 15
@Pokemon: I agree that you have every right to be upset, but I think cutting him out of your lives for being unable to attend ALL your wedding, remember they will still be attending the main part, is a bit far.
Post # 16
Ehhhh, the ceremony is the boring part, and you don’t even get to chat with anyone. I see it as really self-centered to be obsessed with attendance at the ceremony, which is really just for the bride and groom and whoever FEELS like watching… Is it really so insulting to have one less pair of eyes staring at you while you get married?
I’d rather someone come for the reception only so they get to party with me, that’s the part that matters most. I’d be upset if someone chose another reception over mine because that says who they want to HANG OUT with, whereas the ceremony I don’t think leaves any real message at all. But I’d definitely be upset if someone I thought I was close to chose someone else’s party over mine.
The reception feels more “main part” to me.