(Closed) Would you be upset if…

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Id perfer...

    They came to our ceremony and left straight after to make other wedding

    They came to our reception but didnt attend the ceremony

    They don't come at all

  • Post # 47
    Member
    5538 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: December 2011

    I guess I dont see the issue? The couple has two weddings to go to on the same day, so instead of blowing off one totally, they attend part of each. To me that would be the logical thing to do. Im sorry youre so offended but do you really exspect someone to attend a wedding without their spouse? Why are we villifying the other wife, her husband (your Fiance froend) is making the choice to split the day too. Would you prefer they dont come at all??

    Post # 48
    Member
    2782 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I see why you’re hurt (especially given it’s fi’s ex-that def twists the knife in a bit deeper), but I think this is just one of those sucky situations you have to suck up.

    I’m sure your Fiance was a great best man to this guy…but the thing is, he isn’t your FI’s best man…he’s not involved in your wedding at all, so it’s not really fair to throw what your Fiance did for him whilest being best man in his face and think it means he owes you to choose only your wedding.  Choosing both is his prerogative,  and it sounds like he’s really trying to do what’s fair.

    You absolutely have every right to be hurt and upset, but I think ultimately you’ll just have to realize that it’s really just a case of shitty timing, and while it feels personal (because it’s your wedding! ), it isn’t. 

    Post # 49
    Member
    1541 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I’d rather them come to ceremony but not reception so long as they told me so i didn’t have to pay for them to be there.

    Post # 50
    Member
    8031 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I might be annoyed but I think I would be happy if they were able to come to part of it (I’d prefer they come to the reception-but that is just me!).  Also, I don’t think you need therapy over this issue!

    Post # 51
    Member
    1832 posts
    Buzzing bee

    If you tell this guy he is out of your lives if he doesn’t attend your wedding, you are pitting him between you, Fiance, and his wife if TTR is correct.  You will lose.

    I have to be honest here – I don’t get the big deal.  They are invited to two weddings and are trying to accomodate both.  This guy has been a good friend to your Fiance (and vice versa from the way it sounds) and that is all going to be defined on how much of your wedding day he attends?  That’s just incredibly unwise.  If he has been a good friend in the past, you need to keep him around.  Good friends don’t grow on trees and their love and affection to you isn’t determined by their attendance at your wedding.

    We have 3 married DDs and the fourth is engaged to be married next Summer.  We invite nearest and dearest and we are grateful for any portion of the day they spend with us.  If the miss the ceremony, we don’t care.  If they only come to the reception, we welcome them with a big hug, good food and drinks, and a good time.  They are our nearest and dearest – any time they offer us is gratefully and graciously received.

    I do not understand the concept of people who only attend the reception being moochers.  If you love ’em enough to invite them, they must not be moochers.

    Post # 52
    Member
    745 posts
    Busy bee

    @Pokemon:  I think it sounds like you’re bitter that you did so much for them at their wedding, and now they’re not returning the favor.  You went above and beyond for them, and now they’re not doing the same for you.  I don’t really think that kind of expectation is fair, as I hope you did those things out of the goodness of your heart and are not necessarily expecting a payback from them, but this is how it looks to me.  

    Let me ask you this: had you not helped them clean, drove them places, etc on the night of the wedding, do you think you’d be as pissed off as you are right now?  Food for thought.

    Post # 53
    Member
    1221 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    View original reply
    @DaisyBelle:  Good point. I also think the fact that it’s the reception of FI’s ex plays a big role as well. Fortunately, people are adults and can have friends from multiple circles and others need to learn to deal with it. Tit-for-tat friendships are rarely healthy.

    Post # 54
    Member
    7362 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    View original reply
    @sara_tiara:  I’m sure your Fiance was a great best man to this guy…but the thing is, he isn’t your FI’s best man…he’s not involved in your wedding at all, so it’s not really fair to throw what your Fiance did for him whilest being best man in his face and think it means he owes you to choose only your wedding.  Choosing both is his prerogative,  and it sounds like he’s really trying to do what’s fair.

    I’m glad that I’m not the only one that noticed this. you keep saying your FH was the Best man at his wedding. But your hubby didn’t afford him same position (not that he was under any obligation to do so). IMO the level of particpation can’t be the same. He’s an invited guest like everyone else. Again its normal to feel disappointment, but don’t let turn into something else. 

     

    Post # 55
    Member
    471 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Your friend loves you enough to try to make it to at least part of your wedding day to celebrate with you, be grateful for that.

    And to all of the people who are saying that the couple needs to pick a side and choose their loyalties, grow the hell up.  I’ve had friends date and break up, and I didn’t choose sides.  They were both good friends to me and they were wonderful people who just weren’t good together.  The fact that both people are now getting married means that the breakup drama is, or at least should be  long over.

    This guy does not owe the devotion to your wedding that your Fiance showed to his.  Your Fiance was the best man.  If you wanted this friend to bend over backwards then you needed to make him the best man.  

    This whole thing makes you look self-centered.  Out of everything to do with your wedding you ate concerned about being “picked” as the friend whose wedding he attends, and you’re horrified that he wants to support both.  

    Post # 56
    Member
    122 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    I’d rather they didnt come at all to be honest, there are others that want to come, but there isnt room for, so why let someone who isnt staying use the space. I’d give it to someone who wants to come for the whole day. Sorry 🙁

    Post # 58
    Member
    129 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 1993

    @Pokemon:  Didn’t you have a post on this same subject the other day?  You keep trying to skew the story your way by saying “FIs ex.”  But they are friends, correct?  I recommend you let it go, your outrage on this subject isn’t making the situation any better and is deflecting your time and energy from the joyous occasion you are planning! 

    The topic ‘Would you be upset if…’ is closed to new replies.

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