(Closed) Would you be upset if a guest wore white to your wedding?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Would you be upset if a guest wore white to your wedding?

    Absolutely!

    I would but I would get over it

    Wouldn't bother me

  • Post # 17
    Member
    936 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    It’s just plain old bad manners to wear white/cream to a wedding unless instructed (MOB/MOG, BMS, FGs, etc).  Even if you never heard of “the rule” before, it is common sense.

    As a bride would I be overly upset?  No, because obviously everyone knows I’m the bride.  But everyone is going to think you are trash…

    Post # 18
    Member
    127 posts
    Blushing bee

    Not a bit. I wish more brides were not so hung up on that. No one really notices anyone else wearing white once you walk down the aisle. 

    Post # 19
    Member
    1348 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    You know, I thought I was really traditional about that sort of thing. However, yesterday  I went shopping with one of my BMs for a dress for my shower and the cutest one she tried on was white. She asked me if it was ok to wear white to my shower and it hadn’t even crossed my mind. I told her I didnt care and now that I think about it, I don’t know that I would care if people showed up at the wedding in white.

    I’ve posted this story before, but last year I went to a wedding where a woman at my table was wearing HER wedding gown…THAT was appalling.

    Post # 20
    Member
    513 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    My Mom and my Mother-In-Law both wore white. I knew about my mom’s dress, she loved it so I was ok with it. I was not aware of my Future Mother-In-Law or a couple other guests wearing white. I was kind of like, why? when i saw them.  But all in all it really didn’t bother me.

    Post # 21
    Member
    3138 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2010 - Savannah, GA

    It wouldn’t bother me if they wore white, unless it was a white wedding dress. 

    Post # 22
    Member
    59 posts
    Worker bee

    The reason it would bother me the most is because it is a well known faux pas to wear white to a wedding, and I would imagine if someone did it, they would be doing it knowingly and on purpose. That kind of attitude is what would bother me the most.

    I remember a few years ago a friend of mine was getting married, and I bought a patterned dress for her wedding…..it was about 50% white, 25% pink, 25% black……my friends told me not to worry about it, but I still emailed the pic to the bride just to make sure it would be okay. 

    I just cannot imagine that someone would “accidentally” wear a white dress without once considering the bride’s feelings.

     

    Post # 23
    Member
    1696 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 1991

    I would be annoyed, but I would get over it. I know everyone will be looking at me on my wedding day. So a random person with white wouldn’t be enough to ruin my day 🙂 Plus, they would probably feel awkward as my friends would most likely be talking behind their back. Haha.

    Post # 24
    Member
    7 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: January 2010

    I saw this and needed to vent.

    The female guest/date of my husband’s best friend wore white to my wedding. It still bothers me til this day. Granted, we had a black tie formal wedding and I had asked for the guests to follow evening wear, but white wasn’t one our wedding colors of brown, black and dark creamy ivory.  At the rehearsal the prior night, my husband’s best friend warned us that his date’s dress was a bit lighter than cream, a mishap.. She had the dress made for the wedding. He thought we should know they had tried to find another dress the past three weeks, but couldn’t. They had traveled far from Hong Kong.  Trying to be understanding, we said it was fine as long as it wasn’t white. Of note, I would die before I would ever where white to someone’s wedding. So, I expected the same.

    When I saw the dress on my wedding day, the dress wasn’t a summer dress or a dress with prints. It was a full length, stark diamond white dress with chiffon, rhinestones and glitter straps and a bedazzled sash…..

    ???! I didn’t want to be rude. I didn’t want to jeopardize my husband’s relationship with his best friend. The future wouldn’t have pretty and unnecessarily sad. I made the decision. I really didn’t want it to ruin my wedding day, but it was harder than it needed to be. I bit my tongue, smiled, and tried to enjoy my wedding day.. There was already a lot already going on. My only sister became so ill she couldn’t travel and wasn’t there.  My father was not there,since my parents had divorced. I had my mother, but not many close family/friends on my side.  The wedding party was overwhelming the groom’s side. Many I had never met. It was the most wonderful day of my life, but I did feel a little alone that day. If my sister had been there as we talked later, she would have kindly given her a colored scarf/cover up.

    Later on during the reception, she and my husband’s best friend had caught the bouquet and boutinniere. So, it’s customary to take pictures side by side. My reception dress was a light laced, non bouffant floor length bridal medium ecru dress with light detailing. In our wedding pictures, it was really hard to tell who was the bride with her holding the bouquet. Other unrelated hotel guests would come up to congratulate her…

    I understand people may be oblivious to etiquette with American culture being different from other cultures. However, I, like her, am also Asian, where white is considered a color of death in Chinese/Vietnamese culture (hence why my dresses were not stark white), so it makes me question her integrity in choosing that color. She could have in the least worn a scarf or had a print on the dress. I would have been okay.

    I’ve never said anything about it to her. I never really had the opportunity. There wasn’t a right time.  The couple did get engaged and married following our wedding. The only time I have since seen her, I was in Hong Kong. Since hubby was the best man, I became a bridesmaid in a pre picked pink chiffon, pregnant like bridesmaid outfit . (I hate pink, but it wasn’t my wedding). And recently, they had a baby, so I don’t want to trump that thunder either.  Even though I have hang ups about it, It’s been long enough, that I feel I should let it pass. Would you?

    In summary, if any female is remotely considering wearing white to someone else’s wedding to anyone who values traditional American values (where Cinderella fairytales fill your head since childhood) and does not request you wear white, my final plea is please please don’t. It is rude, thoughtless, and hurtful. You will have your opportunity or there are many, many other days where you can wear it. really! Weddings cost a lot at least 5 figures, if not more! You are a guest. Be kind. The day is not about you. Period. Even if you do wear white, at least wear printed scarf!! But you shouldn’t  make the bride be more gracious to you, since it’s not your day and you don’t deserve it.

    And because I grew up with Cinderella, I like happy endings. For me,  I’ve luciky had enough photoshop skills to photoshop her wedding dress brown for my wedding album.

    Thanks for reading, sorry for the length. I appreciate any of your thoughts.

    Post # 25
    Member
    425 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    It depends on the guest and if there is another color involved in the dress.  My Mother-In-Law wore a ivory/creamish dress to my wedding and I was annoyed.   She told me before that she might wear it (to the ceremony only, she changed for the reception…but all formal pics are of her wearing it).  I didn’t want to be all bridezilla and tell her straight out not to wear it (the ILs paid for the wedding) and in the end I thought she wasn’t going to wear it…then I walked out and saw her in it…my heart sunk!  It has almost been a year and I am pretty much over it…but when I look at pics I still can’t believe she did it.  And I really think it was cluelessness and not to be mean to me.

    Post # 26
    Member
    251 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2011

    I honestly cannot remember if anyone wore white to my wedding. I actually can’t remember what any of my guests wore…

    Post # 27
    Member
    574 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I might be a little peeved, but I’d forget about it quickly.

    Post # 28
    Member
    2597 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    Would not bother me.

    @JackieDe: I would be totally clueless about what my guests wear.

    Post # 29
    Member
    7 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    If I had actually paid attention to what my guests were wearing maybe it would have bothered me, but I had a lot of other things on my mind that day. 

     

    I would easily get over it though, unless they came in a dress that looked like a bridal dress. That would be when I would get peeved. 

     

    Luckily no one did!

    Post # 30
    Member
    1266 posts
    Bumble bee

    Nope, I had never even considered it.

    Post # 31
    Member
    12265 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Nope, wouldnt really care.  Guests at my wedding will know I’m the bride no matter who is wearing white.  Someone else in a white dress isnt going to be able to take away from that.  And if strangers mistakens someone else for the bride if the wedding is at a hotel or something…ok, doesnt really matter to me what a stranger passing by thinks either.

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