(Closed) Would you be upset if a guest wore white to your wedding?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Would you be upset if a guest wore white to your wedding?


    I would but I would get over it

    Wouldn't bother me

  • Post # 32
    603 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @Tswife4ever: Agree with you. I think it’s in poor taste to wear a mostly or all-white dress or outfit, but I wouldn’t get upset over it.


    Post # 33
    707 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2016

    pretty upset. :-/ It’s my wedding darnit!

    Post # 34
    122 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2000

    I had never heard of this “rule” before coming to Wedding Bee. Having said that-I wouldn’t care if someone wore white to my wedding (and I think someone did, actually) as long as it wasn’t an ex of my husband’s wearing a wedding gown (think that episode on “The Nanny”).

    Should I mention that I’ve been married twice and came to the Bee to plan my 25th anniversary vow renewal?

    So that got me thinking–is it really a rule? So a-searching I went….


    Old: Guests shouldn’t wear white or black to a wedding.New: In most circumstances, either is acceptable.Peggy says: Yes, you can wear white, just as long as it doesn’t look remotely bridal. And if you wear black, it should look chic, not funereal. Other considerations: time of day, location, and any rules of attire specified by religion (for example, no bare shoulders or low necklines



    Wearing white: since the popularization of the white wedding dress in the mid-19th century, women have avoided wearing white to a wedding, so that the bride might uniquely shine in her white wedding gown. While this rule, like the “no black dresses” rule, has since been rejected, a female guest should select carefully if she opts to wear white. Be careful to not select anything that might cause anyone to mistake you for the bride. Since current bridal fashions are sleeker than ever, and many older and second time brides dress in wedding suits, you might embarrass yourself (and the bride) in a white outfit. If you plan to wear white, choose carefully, and accessorize with color.


    Post # 35
    1094 posts
    Bumble bee

    @kybride: I think that expecting guests who are not spending regular hours haunting wedding forums and reading Bridal Guide, to know that it is a “rule” that no-one but the bride should wear white; is like me expecting people who cannot remember life prior to the nineteen-eighties to know that it is a “rule” that the best dresses of upper-class girls and young women are traditionally correctly supposed to be simple white dresses; or that as a “rule” women guests attending weddings are supposed to dress in pale pastels and light colours.

    I’m a little surprised that the wedding channel dates avoidance of white by wedding-guests to the mid nineteenth century, but then, they are not noted for their historical research. It is interesting to look back at royal weddings all the way back to Victoria, and see photos of the white-clad bride surrounded by a sea of equally white-clad bridesmaids.

    Grown women, of course, didn’t dress in white even before Victoria’s trend-setting wedding, but not because they were afraid the bride’s photo’s wouldn’t “pop”. It was because white is unsophisticated and maidenly. Grown women generally prefer the rich, elegant and sophisticated look — which prior to Gabrielle Chanel meant rich colours, and which nowadays means a little black dress.

    Post # 36
    122 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2000


    I guess that was kind of my point–in all of my years, I had  never heard of this “rule” before coming to this site. Based on my experience, I can’t find it too difficult that guests who are being accused of rudeness in this thread honestly never knew that such a “rule” used  to exist. I know that I never pored over etiquette books prior to attenfing a wedding, and hope that none of my guests did, either,

    Which kind of brings me to a new point–since multiple etiquette sites are now saying that it is appropriate to wear white to a wedding, where does that leave all of the brides who are up in arms declaring that this is a violation of every known form of etiquette  and are sure their wedding was/will be ruined if a guest were to (quite appropriately) wear white to their wedding?

    No longer can the guest be considered rude, but the bride who becomes outraged, as well as the bride who chooes to “point and laugh” with her friends, have had the tables turned on them as to who is the true etiquette rule-breaker.

    What can be used as justification for not wanting a guest to wear white now or will this be one of those etiquette rules that brides choose to use or ignore, based on their plans/desires, as are so many other rules of etiquette on this board?


    Post # 37
    1113 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    My dress is champagne in color, so it would be unlikely that I would be upset about it.

    Post # 38
    1208 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I personally wouldn’t care. FH would be up in arms though. He has been far more caring about these little etiquette things than I am. When I gave my BMs the dress guidelines I added an addendum to the bottom along the lines of: “And if you want print [FH] has requested it have minimal white, I don’t care- but he does. Go Figure”

    Post # 39
    4107 posts
    Honey bee

    i never heard about rules and when they started. but i just would never think it was nice to wear white as a guest. so i have never done it and never will. there are plenty of other colors out there.

    Post # 40
    251 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2011

    @kaylee26:Yes. Trust me, there’ll be a LOT more on your mind. Important things, like enjoying yourself. Smile

    Post # 41
    711 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    @anon1114:  Whoa…a white dress when the bride is in a white gown, I can kind of (but not really) see.  But a white gown?  OMG.

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