Post # 1
Hey guys! Going anonymous here because I’d hate to hurt the bride’s feelings and I’ve posted my pic here a ton (I’ve been married for about a year).
DH’s long-time friend’s Fiance asked me to be a bridesmaid in their wedding. DH accepted on my behalf over a phone call, but then I told her yes later. I’ve only ever actually met this girl 5 times, so I’m very obviously in the party to even out the sides. This has totally happened to me before, but that’s another story.
Anyway, her Maid/Matron of Honor sent out an email saying that they’re going to a dinner/theater combo for the bach party, and tickets are $65. She wants the money pretty soon.
Which would be fine, except that DH is planning a trip to see his brother and that’s going to eat up pretty much all our disposable income, but he needs to see him before he moves to another country, so it’s pretty non-negotiable.
A month later, my friend (another bride) is having her bachelorette, and it’s going to cost about $200.
The acquaintance’s party is also going to fall on DH and I’s anniversary, which wouldn’t be such a big deal, but their wedding is on my birthday. I’m just so burnt out on weddings. I think it’s clouding my judgement. Any advice/pep talks? I just don’t know if she’s actually going to care if I’m even there or not, and I’d rather not go if she doesn’t.
Post # 3
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
The only event you’re required to attend is the wedding. Just tell her that you already had plans for that weekend, and will be there in spirit.
Post # 4
If I asked a girl to be in my wedding as a placeholder and she declined the bachelorette party I probably wouldn’t be too bummed since I’m obviously not that close to her!
Post # 5
Unless you’re totally sure she only picked you to even out the sides, I would be optimistic and assume she picked you to get closer to you and become better friends. She may have been hoping that these types of activities would help. Of course it’s possible she won’t care, but maybe you’re really someone she wants to get to know. $65 also doesn’t seem too bad for a bachelorette party, so I don’t know if the cost is a persuasive enough excuse to back out. If your mind is made up, you should think of a more compelling-sounding reason.
Post # 6
Yeah, that’s a good point. She might want to get to know me better. And yeah, it’s definitely not just about the money, that’s just sort of an icing-on-the-cake situation. Oh! And I probably should’ve mentioned that that’s not including drinks, so I’m sure it won’t just be that much, though.
But yeah…I’m an awkward person and I’m not looking forward to an evening where I don’t really know anyone. :/
Post # 7
I would tell her that you had already made plans for your anniversary, but make a date to go get your nails done (something you might already be doing for the wedding) or go get drinks somewhere, something casual. That way, you are still spending time with her and getting to know her, rather than being absent until the wedding.
Or even offer to run a wedding errand with her, to show you care/are involved.
Post # 8
No, but if I were a placeholder bridesmaid, i’d be pretty upset that the bride cared more about even numbers than just having the most important people in her life stand up with her.
The only thing you’re required to attend is the wedding.
Post # 9
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
I wouldn’t care, but I also wouldn’t have a placeholder bridesmaid. In your case I’d probably still go, though. Maybe you can write her a nice note?
Post # 10
I might be disappointed, if I had my reasons for asking and you accepted the role.