Post # 1
Would it bother you if your SO didn’t “ask for your hand”? The reason I’m asking is that my BF is being really weird about it. It doesn’t bother me either way, but being from the south, I’m not sure if that’s proper protocol. We are using a family stone, which I asked for about a year ago. My mom will bring up the fact of us being together long term in the future (like selling their house when they die type stuff) and we have briefly mentioned things about marriage, but I’m not sure if he will come out and either ask directly or tell them he is planning to propose. Again, either way doesn’t bother me, but I was just curious how other bees felt.
Post # 3
Are you property? No? Then it doesn’t matter if he asks your dad or not. If you feel strongly about it, though, then of course he should ask. But it’s not necessary.
Post # 4
My fiance didn’t ask permission and I didn’t want him to (so I guess he got off easy with that!), it just didn’t seem right to me. I moved out of my parents house when I was 19, have been completely independent from them ever since, and I’m just not that traditional.
Post # 5
@orchidaloha: +1. Exactly what I was going to say, except I was out at 16. The only person my FI needed to ask was me.
Post # 6
Nope, and I told him not to actually. my dad agrees, since he thi is I should know about my proposal before he does, lol
Post # 7
I am 33 and have been independent for a long time, but my FI still asked my mom (unfortunately my dad passed away many years ago). FI went out of his way to drive across the state and take my mom to lunch – not so much to ask, but as a goodwill gesture 🙂
Post # 8
My FH didn’t. I kinda wanted him to ask my parents for their blessing, but it wasn’t a big deal that he didn’t.
Post # 9
I’d honestly be pretty pissed if he *did* ask. My dad is deceased and my mother is crazy for thinking there’s any way I’d have him ask her permission for anything. After one of her making a comment about it, I nicely told her that he is only asking me and she flipped her wig. Said “if he doesnt ask, I’m going to be a nightmare mother in law.”
Post # 10
No. My freedom is not anyone else’s to give away. We’re talking about old customs that have been in place since well before women were liberated. Those were the days where women were bought and sold so it does not bother me at all….:)
Post # 12
I’m in the minority here. I told BF that I wanted him to ask my dad because it was important to me and it’s also important to my dad. But I view it as asking for his blessing, not his permission.
BF asked me “What if your dad says no?”
I told him “Then you still ask me anyway. You’re just asking for my dad’s blessing, not his permission.”
I grew up and still live in the South so it’s pretty traditional around here. My brother asked his father-in-law before proposing to his wife. It’s just what is done in our family.
Plus my dad made it clear that if BF doesn’t ask for his blessing first, then he would be very disappointed and lose respect for BF.
BF is not crazy about the idea. He’s more modern than I am. When I first told him that he needed to ask my dad before proposing to me, his reaction was “Seriously? But it’s 2013! Do I have to?”
And I said “Well…I guess you don’t HAVE to if you don’t want to. I don’t want to force you to do anything you don’t want to do. But I’d be lying if I said that it wasn’t important to me and to my dad.”
BF said “Ok…then I’ll do it. For you.”
And that was it. Lol. I’m glad I said something to BF about it because he never would have known! 🙂
Post # 13
WOW, I’m kind of surprised at these responses, pleasantly surprised that is. I guess I feel some sort of pressure from the old Southern traditions, but it really doesn’t mean anything to me. We live together! It’s kind of obvious that we are in a serious relationship. Thanks everyone so far for making me feel better about the whole situation
Post # 14
No – my fiance did not ask my parents for permission when he proposed last summer. It was a decision WE made together to get married – I am not my parents property to give away, lol.
Post # 15
Erm, I’m not a piece of property. The only person involved in his proposal was me!
Post # 16
My FI didn’t ask permission but he did let my mom know (I don’t speak to my dad). He only let her know about an hour before he actually asked but HE wanted to have that conversation with her (he’s way more traditional about some things than I am).