Post # 1
I have always told SO that before moving in together I wanted to be engaged. Mostly because of family, my family is religious and believe that a couple shouldn’t live together until marriage. Even though I do not believe that and I am not religious at all, I didn’t want to upset them by moving in while we are still just dating. SO was well aware of how I felt about this and he told me that he was ok with this, that his family is the same way and they might take the moving out a little easier if we were engaged.
In July we had a huge discussion about this and really set it in stone that we will not move out together until we are engaged. We also decided that we wanted to move out before December because we live in Pennsylvania and if we get a repeat of last winter we want to be close to work. In October SO mentioned that we should start looking at apartments, we eventually found one that we both love, it’s about 10 min from both of our jobs. I was thinking that he would propose before we moved in so I decided to go for it and apply.
We moved in last weekend, I still don’t have a ring on my finger. Part of me is really upset that he promised that we would be engaged but part of me is ok with it because we are finally living together and I am so happy. What I want to know is, would you personally be upset if this happened to you?
Post # 3
It’s only been a week ~! But if he dosen’t propose soon (Christmas?), I say move out. My husband and I had the same arrangement.
Post # 4
I would be upset but I also question why you actually moved without a ring?
Have you talked to him about this since moving in together? I think you need to make it clear that although you moved in together and everything is going great, you still expect to get engaged.
I would be concerned that he will get “comfortable” and it would take a lot longer than you are hoping.
Post # 5
Yep. Even though we had no such agreement, and I moved in with him mostly because my physical and mental condition at the time wouldn’t let me live alone, it pisses me off that nine months later, there’s still no proposal. He finally decided that he wants to marry me, but the actual proposal hasn’t happened.
Post # 6
You went along with it without standing your ground, so why be upset? Maybe at yourself,tho.
Post # 7
How can you be upset with him when you moved in together w/o a ring? He didn’t force you to move in there with him, did he? I know you thought he was going to propose before you moved in, but he didn’t and you moved in anyway. The only person you can blame is yourself.
Post # 8
Ladies, you have to put your foot down. OP, yes, I got upset and in no uncertain terms did I tell him “it’s now or never honey”. He was more than willing to get engaged. For us, it was just a matter of money and he wanted to wait till our one year anniversary to make it special. At any rate, wait a bit but make sure you tell him everyday that you are not a child and expect to get engaged to the man you are living with. He dosen’t like it, then HE can move out !
Post # 10
@caszos: At first I was planning on having my brother move in if I didn’t get a ring. Well the day we went to fill out the application I must have left my brain at home and said “Why don’t you put your name on the lease because you make more money than me.” I still kick myself for doing that because I could have put my name on the lease and I could have told him he can’t move in. When it came time to pack/ move I kept on telling myself “We are officially moving in on Saturday, maybe he will propose Friday night.”
Post # 11
You should have stood your ground and not moved in to begin with. At this point, I would bring it up with him again (try not to press too hard though, in case he has something planned), just mention that you were expecting to be engaged.
Post # 12
Your story is similar to mine. I will only move in with my boyfriend when we are engaged.
I will only start looking for a place when I have the ring on my finger, not a moment before. This for me is set in stone.
My advice is when you and your boyfriend have a minute, remind him of the promise. But do not sound as an ultimatum. Say very casualy and in general terms about the promise. If he does not propose by the end of the year then you have the right to be upset.
Post # 13
I voted other because you are as much if not more to blame than him for your situation. You can’t be mad at him for something you let happen with your eyes wide open.
Post # 14
If his name is the one one the lease that means you can move out anytime. I think there are 2 things wrong here. 1, he didnt hold up to the proposal and decided to go full steam ahead with moving in. 2, is that you went ahead and moved along just as fast as he did, and looked and applied for the apartment without a ring. The two of you both did not hold up to what you said you’d do.
Post # 15
@Mrs.LetsGoPens: Don’t listen to any negativity from these girls ! He may be planning a Christmas proposal ! This is not your fault, you love him and are not going to bail just yet ! So just hang in there but make sure you don’t stick around too long after the Holidays if santa forgot your diamond ! When your boyfriend begs you not to leave, you tell him he broke his promise. Period.
Post # 16
Have you talked to him about it?
You can’t un-move in, but you can certainly have a talk about it.