(Closed) Would you be worried

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2336 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I don’t think you’re crazy at all. I think this chick is obviously going through a LOT and it seems like she’s really rushing things at the moment.

If anything I’d really feel bad for her because of everything that she’s going through right now. It sounds like maybe she’s rushing to get married because that’s something that could take her mind off of all the pain she must be dealing with. She may be a perfectly lovely person, but it’s still a terrible, terrible reason to get married.

At the same time, it takes two people to get married. Your cousin is just as responsible for this as she is, unless she held a gun to his head and forced him to propose. (Unlikely.) He’s a big boy and is perfectly capable of seeing all this stuff that’s going on for himself. If he can’t or won’t see what’s going on here, there’s not a whole lot you can do for him. He’s an adult and should be capable of making his own decisions.

Post # 4
Member
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

It does sound a bit fishy and he may end up getting burned by this woman, but unfortunately there is nothing at all you can do about it. I learned the hard way to never stick my nose in other people’s relationship business. They always make up and you always end up the bad guy. I say just let this play out. They might just be perfect for each other..?

Post # 5
Member
1975 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I think that she has moved on VERY quickly… I would be worried as well.

Post # 6
Member
327 posts
Helper bee

yep, if i were you, i will think her kind of weird and strange as well. is it maybe because she is still moaning the death of her child? have you talk to you cousin and ask him about her background (you know, the get to know your friends/families partner part)

Post # 7
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee

Black lipstick and dog collars… charming. I think some of the things you’re describing about her sound odd. However, her “refusal to work” and sitting home/playing Facebook games all day may really be due to the fact that she is in emotional shock.

Losing a child is supposed to be the worst grief that you can go through — from what I have read, it is far worse than losing a parent or other relative.

I can’t imagine losing a three-month-old baby, much less at the age of 20.

I agree that she is moving too fast with her new relationship with your cousin, and I think your instincts are correct that this relationship is probably going to end up being a mistake. And she may very well be an oddball in some ways. But the stages of grief are universal, and I think it would be even more odd if she were functioning like a normal, working person one year after losing her baby. IMO.

Post # 8
Member
7 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Well i am going to throw a bomb in the water now, i would be worried to as its a member of my family BUT i would only be worried about the fact that in less than a year she left a relationship and entered into a new and is now engaged to her new partner. BUT again it all depends on how quickly they are going to be getting married. It sounds like your cousin obviously loves her because i highly doubt that he doesnt know about her past. so if it doesnt matter to him and he is happy then i would let it all pan out and be there for him if it goes pear shaped. 

And as for her wearing all black and dog collors, if it floats your boat then its all good and again your cousin obviously likes the way she looks and he has to look at her everyday so again it shouldnt matter to anyone else.

If you are really that worried talk to another family member about it and see if they have the same worries (if you havent all ready) so you can all keep an eye out, but dont let you worrying ruin a happy time for anyone. if he is happy and content then thats all that matters

Post # 9
Member
5 posts
Newbee

They might just be perfect for each other..?

Post # 10
Member
5423 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2012

I don’t think you should be worried about her refusal to work as that might be some lack of motivation or whatnot from loosing her child.  But the fact that she has had a whilrwind year would be concerning.

Post # 12
Member
2336 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

How did your family find out that she was still with her ex at the time her child passed when your cousin thinks that their relationship had ended before that? Is it possible that that’s a rumor or that someone was mistaken?

Post # 13
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

First of all it’s none of your buiness and I do think you are nitpicking as you were suspcious of this women before you had any reason to be.

If it was an extremely close family member or friend I would raise my issues and advise them to have a long engagement.

I feel sorry for this women she been though a lot and I don’t think she should be making such huge life changing decisions at this time, but everyone is different and grieves in different ways. HEr having a tattoo wearing black, doesnt make her a bad person. These days it seems to be the norm that families don’t meet right away. A lot of people won’t even meet until the wedding.

Well you have one valid concern her dead child, I think you should keep your concerns to yourself, and it’s something people closer to your cousin should raise with him if need be.

Post # 14
Member
9719 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I personally feel it isn’t kind, fair or wise to judge anyone else’s relationship, for starters.  I also feel that unless you’ve walked in this woman’s shoes you have no right to judge her. 

Obviously your cousin loves her very much; that should be good enough for you to be supportive of their relationship.  Please stay out of this, you’ll only cause emotional pain if you decide to interfere.  IF/when your cousin comes to you for advice or with concerns, then voice your opinion.  Otherwise, zip it.

Post # 15
Member
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

People grieve and heal differently. I work in counseling so I see this all the time.  Some people sulk and sulk, while others snap back quickly. I just hope no one is giving this woman a hard time about it

Post # 16
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

be concerned all you want but realize that the entire family probably has some sort of gaurd up. also beware that he probably knows the family will be judgemental and it probably not going to take kindly to criticism.

I don’t have advice on how to bring the issue up to him but goodluck to whomever does it.

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