(Closed) Would you believe his explanation or think he's a cheater?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Do you believe his explanation?
    Yes. : (89 votes)
    42 %
    No, why would he need to remove his ring, move the seats and the car to clean a few bits of trash? : (36 votes)
    17 %
    No, I don't believe him but he probably wasn't cheating. : (12 votes)
    6 %
    No, I don't believe him but she needs more evidence before she treats him like he's guilty. : (77 votes)
    36 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    7173 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    @bunnyharriet:  If my Darling Husband had his car parked by a dumpster, with the seats all folded down, him having sex with someone else in his car would be the LAST thing my mind would jump to.

    If she think he’s fooling around on her, that’s more teling, than anything about the car, etc.

    ETA:  I remove my ring when I’m doing things, so I don’t accidentally throw it away.  It’s plausible he felt the same – and didn’t want it falling in the dumpster.

    Post # 5
    Member
    6355 posts
    Bee Keeper

    It would really depend whether there was a bunch of red flags already. This might be more”food for thought” if I already had reason to doubt him.

    By itself, I don’t see it as a clear red flag… I’d believe his explanation. It seems logical enough to me.

    Post # 6
    Member
    3691 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    My husband clears the trash out of his car every time he stops for gas.  He doesn’t take off his wedding ring to do that.  He also might adjust the back of the seat to it moves out of the way, but doesn’t scoot the whole seat forward.  That guy’s behavior is fishy.

    Post # 7
    Member
    2902 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    If it were my Fiance I wouldn’t think he was cheating. The fact she jumped to this conclusion so quickly makes me think she already has suspicions so she should trust her gut.

    Post # 8
    Member
    7806 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    @bunnyharriet:  It sounded totally like cleaning out the car to me, until the part about the ring. That doesn’t really make sense, why would you need to take the ring off to clean the car? Then again, maybe he isnt’ as comfortable as he says he is with wearing a wedding ring when he’s not married. Plus who in the world has sex with anyone, much less their not-fiancee, in the parking lot of their WORK? Even a far distant corner tha’s somewhat obscured. And what woman is ok with a guy doing her next to a huge dumpster?! I’m gonna say the factors that suggest he was cleaning the car are much stronger than any suggesting he had a fling. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    187 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    umm i think he was cleaning his car!

    Post # 10
    Member
    2183 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium

    Well, I’d understand all of that if he said he was taking a nap. My husband naps in the car before going into his office sometimes or around lunchtime, so if he moved the car near a dumpster or tree for shade or something, I’d understand. And he gets a little antsy with his ring on, so I don’t freak out when he doesn’t wear it. The cleaning thing is so weird to me. But it’s just that- weird. I wouldn’t assume cheating, though. Some folks do weird things. Honestly, I might be a little cautious for a little while, but if everything else is normal (and normal is good), then I’d let it go. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    3625 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I think the circumstances are suspicious but I don’t think this is a “beyond reasonable doubt” situtation. It’s odd that he parked out there and had the seats folded down. That said, if he was cheating, he doesn’t need to take off his ring to do that. He would either hide it (if the other party didn’t know that he’s spoken for) or he would just keep it on as it doesn’t exactly interfere with said activities. I’ve heard of people having sex in the work parking lots, but they’re usually teens and college aged kids, not adults.

    FWIW, when I clean my car, I usually fold up everything back to its original state but I do remove my ring when cleaning my car. When Darling Husband cleans his car, he usually just leaves it as is unless it gets in his way because there’s been times when I’ve climbed in and the seat is all whacky because he never bothered to move it back. He removes his ring for a lot of physical activities as he’s afraid of it slipping loose. I imagine if it wasn’t titanium, he would be worried about damaging it.

    When we lived in an apartment and had access to the huge dumpster, we would park next to the dumpster to toss things out as you go.

    Post # 12
    Hostess
    16213 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    I agree that it doesn’t feel like enough on it’s own. Even though it’s totally weird, there are a bunch of other things it could be than just an affair. Or it really could just be cleaning. I take of my wedding rings whenever I clean anything, and I’d never cheat on my husband.

    Post # 13
    Member
    234 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    while it does sound suspicious, when i was reading i didnt imediately think he was having sex in the back seat. I mean, would someone really do that at work? if she found his car over there other employees probably could have seen him there too. IDK I wouldnt be too concerned.

    Post # 14
    Member
    9139 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    @Mrs. Gremmlin:  Nap was my first thought as well.  Besides, if he’s going to all of the trouble to meet up with someone to do the deed, why do it in the car?  More likely to get caught that way, especially if it’s during the day.

    Post # 15
    Member
    9719 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I believe his explanation, sounds logical to me.  However, does she have any other reasons to be suspicious of him? 

    This one thing alone doesn’t sound like he’s cheating, but it depends on if he’s being shady about a lot of other things, too.

    Post # 16
    Member
    8042 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2013

    @bunnyharriet:  Hmmm. Odd place to have sex, don’t you think? Broad daylight, in a parking lot where his coworkers could spot him… knowing his Fiance comes by with lunch sometimes etc. Sounds extremely dumb and extremely stressful if you ask me.

    I’m more inclined to believe the cleaning the car explanation. As for the ring being in the center console, that would be the only suspicious thing to me… unless he isn’t used to wearing the ring and does tend to take it off while cleaning. Parking next to a dumper is a logical thing to do if you have trash in the car. Where would be find a smaller container to put the trash in? I don’t carry one in my car. I don’t usually have extra plastic bags on me either.

    I think that something else might be going on for her to automatically assume he’s cheating. They should probably work on these trust issues before they tie the knot!

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