(Closed) Would you break up over this?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

You did the right thing. Personally I don’t have any such rules, but IMO honorable, trustworthy people don’t need to have rules; they just don’t do sketchy stuff cause they’re not sketchy. Once you start making rules for each other, what you’re saying in effect is “I don’t trust you to do the right thing on your own.”

 

Post # 4
Member
257 posts
Helper bee

I believe that adults in serious relationships should not hang out with people of the opposite sex alone (one-on-one). In groups is fine, with your SO is great, but one-on-one time (in my opinion) is inappropriate.

Before I get snapped at… I know that I am mostly alone in this thinking! And that’s ok by me, because my Fiance feels the same way, and that’s all that matters in our relationship.

Post # 5
Member
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

@Maplecanuck: In one word: no. However …

We have no rules for friendships with the opposite sex. It sounds like you have some major trust issues that you either need to work out or end it. Without trust and honesty how can you have a relationship? You need to be honest with yourself and your girlfriend. Is it your girlfriend you don’t trust or the guy? Either way talk to her. What you do is really your own decision …

Post # 6
Member
663 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - Vegas Wedings

So she didnt cheat on you, correct? And you broke up with her because “being lied to, […] the truth … com[ing] out at any time”?

Im not sure I would…. I dunno. I mean, she stopped when she met you. Not just when you became serious, so you obviously fulfilled her in a deep way.

 

 

 

Post # 8
Member
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Pumpkin_Bee:  I can totally see where you’re coming from on this, but I agree with you – you probably won’t have a lot of company in this thinking! 😛

 

I think it’s fine to hang out with people of the opposite sex, but I can’t think of many times when you’d ever need to be alone with one (unless you’re at work or something?) Example: Darling Husband and I work at the same place, and have a guy friend who works there too. We’re good friends with he and his wife. Darling Husband was sick for a week, so instead of going on our usual walk break (normally the 3 of us go together), I just went with my guy friend and we did what we do every day – went and grabbed coffee, and went back to the office.

 

Was this wrong or in any way inappropriate? Nope. Does Darling Husband care? Nope. He knows the guy, knows me, and there’s no weirdness.

 

OP – I think you were in the right on this. She should’ve been up front with you in the first place.

 

 

 

Post # 9
Member
1481 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@Maplecanuck:  I would just because lying (about anything) is a deal breaker for me. I give complete honesty and expect it in return, my SO knows this and respects/appreciates it as well.

Only you can know if your relationship needs to end because of her lying, but maybe let her explain herself? IDK. She is probably embarrassed by her past behavior and/or didn’t want you to not want her hanging out with that guy. It’s a difficult situation for both of you, I’m sure.

Post # 11
Member
1850 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Wait. How did she have an “affair” up until she met you? Was she in another relationship?

She didn’t do anything while she was with you, from what I’m reading. I wouldn’t necessarily want them alone together, honestly. If they didn’t have any history, I would be suggesting you get through it.

If I were her, I’d hope that you’d trust me enough not to cheat on you. If Fiance snooped on me, I’d be pretty mad.

 

Post # 12
Member
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Maplecanuck:  Well yeah, obviously that was wrong. Like I said, I don’t think you were overly drastic; that’s a big deal. 

Post # 13
Member
6210 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

You definitely did the right thing. Someone who would have an affair with a married man and lies to you might not make the best wife for you.

 

Post # 14
Member
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

@Maplecanuck:  Of course you are. You need honesty and trust (two essential ingredients to any relationship). You’ve got to talk to her and if she is not willing to talk to you about what’s up then figure out what you want to do.

Post # 16
Member
663 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - Vegas Wedings

So my question to you is, if you feel so strongly that breaking up was the right thing to do, why ask us? Do you have doubts or do you need support because you are still with her and need a push?

ETA: not that Im judging you for coming on this board!!!

 

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