(Closed) Would you break up over this?

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
Member
6262 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

View original reply
@Maplecanuck:  I agreed with you! It wouldn’t have been a problem if she hadn’t lied to you and not observed the boundaries that need to be there when you are in a relationship, but now you can’t trust her, so moving on is a smart decision. No clarification needed

Post # 19
Member
839 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I think you did the right thing. Even if she didn’t do anything with this guy while she was with you, she obviously doesn’t think twice about lying to you about it, so you will probably never be able to trust her.

Not to mention even though she didn’t cheat on you (hopefully), she had an affair with a married man, so she obviously doesn’t have any respect for relationship boundaries.

Post # 20
Member
342 posts
Helper bee

She was sexting and having an affair with a married man. Obviously, she doesn’t respect marriage. You did the ABSOLUTE right thing!

Post # 22
Member
1281 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Maplecanuck:  You did the right thing.  Her actions speak of poor character.

Post # 23
Member
3355 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Maplecanuck: if there’s one thing that I demand in my relationship, it’s honesty. I don’t care about how many girls DH has been with in the past, but I expect him to tell me how many when I ask. if he’s staying out late at work or somewhere, he lets me know. we have no secrets.

 

this hiding and lying and withholding information is a huge no-no for me. We have no rules for opposite sex friends, but there are boundaries that we both know and respect within our relationship. we’re adults, we don’t need to be reminded of them, but we both know what’s at stake if those boundaries are crossed.

you did the right thing. that’s not something you want to live with for the rest of your life: wondering if she’s telling you the truth or if there’s more to it etc.

Post # 24
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Leave her! total deal breaker. wouldnt even think about it twice. you dont want a cheater. some one who will cheat or condone cheating.

Post # 26
Member
738 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

There is no relationship without being completely open and honest. I’m not saying you need to give your SO a rundown of everything you do each and every minute. What I mean is if asked about something, the whole truth should be out on the table. Obviously this was something that she couldn’t do. So therefore, you cannot commit to her. 

I also agree with PPs that one-on-one alone time with a married person of the opposite sex is generally frowned upon. 

Bottom line, if she was sleeping with a married man, she doesn’t respect marriage, like PP said. 

You did the right thing. 

Post # 27
Member
2777 posts
Sugar bee

i personally don’t think her sex life prior to you, is any of your business. I don’t ask my SO because I don’t want to know. Obviously she lied because she knew you would make a big deal out of her past when it’s not your place. its not your place to judge her on past actions/mistakes.

Post # 28
Member
1654 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Lying, especially about something as big as that, and something that seemed to bother you so much, is uncalled for and I’m happy you broke up with her.

Lying is the ultimate dealbreaker to me though, so I do tend to be a little harsh. 

Post # 29
Member
7610 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Maplecanuck:  I think you did the right thing. I think that SOs don’t have to break down every little detail of their sex life, but you straight out asked her about it and she lied (over and over again). Also, I know some PPs said you shouldn’t care about her prior sex life, but I would have a bit of a problem dating someone who who sleeping with a married man. I know that people change and make mistakes, but I would have a hard time being around that man and his wife knowing that your SO was sleeping with him while he was married.

Post # 30
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@Ninteenthchance:  I double this. Her past with this person is between her and him and all she needs to clue you in on is how she handles things while she is with you. However, now that you know you should be able to set boundaries about friendships she may have with men she had been previously involved with and she should compromise with you.

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