(Closed) Would you bring a plus one (if you were single)?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: IF YOU WERE SINGLE, what would you do if invited with a plus one?

    Bring someone! Anyone! That guy I met last night in a bar!

    Bring someone if we've been dating, even if it isn't serious at all

    Bring someone only if I won't know anyone else there

    Go alone and hang out with my friends or make some new ones

  • Post # 32
    Member
    36 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    I am inviting all singles with a +1 because most people like that (per the poll results). 

    However, I don’t really get the need to bring a +1, personally. In my pre-engaged life, I never took a guest to a wedding unless we’d been dating awhile. But I’ve only been to one wedding where I barely knew anyone – usually there’s been lots of friends and family to catch up with, and I’d rather do that without having to worry that my guest (who probably doesn’t know anyone) is having a good time. 

     

     

    Post # 33
    Member
    6299 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Yes, every guest got a +1. It’s personal preference, for me I feel it’s rude to invite someone without a guest. Of course everyone feels differently, and whatever works for your wedding is what you should do. 

    Post # 34
    Member
    8601 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2015

    when I was in a wedding party but single I said I wasnt going to bring a date because I had so many friends there. But then the bride told me… well I really wanted to invite X, Y, Z guys but we didnt have room- would you want to take one of them as a friend? So thats what I did.

    But I really didnt have a problem with not bringing someone. If I didnt know a soul at the wedding, I would scramble a bit for a date. 

    Post # 35
    Member
    452 posts
    Helper bee

    I believe in plus one always. I can’t imagine inviting people without, if I had to, I would cut the guest list to accommodate being able to invite plus ones for everyone. Any wedding invite I received without a plus one I sent my regrets and a gift. I am not going alone.

    Post # 36
    Member
    443 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I have never had a plus one when single and it never crossed my mind that I’d want one. If I knew no one else I’d appreciate it, otherwise I’m very happy with my other friends! 

    Post # 37
    Member
    2263 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    We are allowing everyone with a plust one.  It is just easier on us.  I have a large family where it is hard to keep track of everyone’s relationship status, and my Fiance has several cousins who have on again/off again relationships (one has that with the mother if his children, and it’s just easier for us not to ask)

    A friend of mine had a wedding where most of our friend group didn’t get a plus one.  I was the only one out of our friend circle to have a SO invited, as they met and hung out with my SO.  To say that my other friends were peeved was an understatement.  I just don’t want to deal with where to draw the line, so I’m not drawing it. 

    Post # 39
    Member
    243 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    @MaryRachel:  tough topic!  Seems views are pretty mixed, but I’ll add my two cents.  So pre-engagement I was all for +1’s for everyone.  I thought it was a nice gesture and really a necessity.  However, in the midst of planning, my views are wavering slightly.  It’s not so much even the associated cost, it’s more the limited space of the venue.  I could easily have double our guest list, but our venue doesn’t accomodate.  I suppose we could have chosen a venue that accomodates more guests, but that’s just not the case.  So my thoughts and views have swayed, but I’m still not 100% decided if it’s okay to not extend a +1 to all our single friends and family.

     

    Tricky.

    Post # 40
    Member
    1135 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I most likely wouldn’t bring anyone. Honestly, I couldn’t imagine asking my friends to give up a weekend day to go to a stranger’s wedding. I’m surprised so many would be willing to do so. Maybe my friends suck? haha. If I were seeing someone and it was still casual, I’d bring him only if it were a wedding where everyone else was coupled up.

    Post # 41
    Member
    922 posts
    Busy bee

    @MaryRachel:  one of my sorority sisters had a huge wedding. They gave plus 1s to EVERYONE. 

    Another friend of mine had a wedding and afforded plus 1s to NO ONE. EVEN IF THEY WERE MARRIED. She received a huge backlash for this, she had lots of tears and frustration, and consequently, a low turnout for the wedding. 

    The moral of the story that I have learned? Offer the plus 1- even if people won’t use it. 

    Post # 42
    Member
    714 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    I think it’s really nice to offer the plus one to anyone just in case.
    I went to a wedding last year where I was invited by myself. I knew alot of other people, but they were all invited with their SO and mine wasn’t invited. I felt awkward and out of place bascially the whole night. During cocktail hour there were a bunch of little tables with an even number of chairs that fit all the couples and I ended up standing attempting to make conversation with people I didn’t know because all my friends were sitting together with their SOs. Then at dinner everyone else was with their partner. Everyone else was dancing with their SO. It was awful to be singled out. I would have loved to bring my Fiance. Even if I could have brought a friend, anything would have been better.

    Post # 43
    Member
    1094 posts
    Bumble bee

    If I did not know anyone else at the wedding, I would decline the invitation. We can hardly think that I am sufficiently intimate with you to merit an invitation to such a personal event, if our lives overlap so little that we have no friends in common. And, knowing that you are inviting strangers whom you yourself do not even know, makes it even more likely that any acquaintanceships I make at your wedding will be with people I’ll never see again. Frankly, I can have a more personal intimate evening at a random bar in a strange city.

    Standard etiquette does not allow the phrase “and guest” to be used on social invitations. Everyone whom you plan to welcome at your party deserves to be equally treated as a welcome guest: invited by name, on his or her own invitation sent to his or her own home. If you think a guest would be more comfortable accompanied by an escort of her own choice, standard etiquette requires that you speak to her personally, and ask her for the name and address of the person she would like you to invite, and then invite that person directly. So, if I received an invitation for myself “and guest”, I would not use that invitation out of courtesy to my escort, who is being overtly invited as a second-class guest.

    But courtesy to the “plus one” is not the only reason that standard etiquette forbids inviting “and guest”. As hostess, you have a duty of care to all your guests. You would not invite known criminals, drug addicts, registered offenders, former abusive partners of your bridesmaids, and so on. Brides regularly struggle with the etiquette constraints of  wanting to invite people without their spouses who fall into those categories.  When you invite “and guest” you open the door wide to anyone, including all those unpleasant possibilities. And because it is a social event taking place under your auspices, your guests will assume that you are vouching for all those people. If only one of your guests has poor judgement on the subject of escorts, you could be responsible for introducing your twelve-year-old niece to a paedophile, or for seating your old college friend at the same table as the guy who ends the evening by making off with her credit card. Rigourous traditional etiquette requires not only that you find out the name and address of those “and guests”, but also that you make their acquaintance ahead of time so that you can reasonably vouch for their good character to your other guests.

    Post # 44
    Member
    6397 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2014

    I would definitely bring somone if I didnt know any people there. I hate being alone around people I dont know.

    Post # 45
    Member
    1465 posts
    Bumble bee

    DD will be 32 when she marries next Summer and has said for quite some time that when her wedding rolls around (said this long before she met her FI) that EVERYONE would be invited with a date, period.  She said she has been to too many weddings where she was invited with no date and, in her words, it just sucks.  She is one social butterfly too.

    When we started discussing budget, etc, I told her the max number on the guest list would be 150 – 160. I asked her if she was still adamant that all would receive a plus one and she said “absolutely!”.  I told her to make her guest list accordingly and asked for 4 spots on it for my 2 best friend couples who have known her since pre-school and still have a relationship with her.  She said “no problem!”

    We found a venue within budget that holds quite a bit more than 160 (I do not want to be crammed in like sardines) and got the ball rolling.

    I never quite understand the “venue space restriction” thing as the excuse for no plus ones.  With our other girls and with this wedding, my formula has been the same:

    1. Set the budget

    2. Set the guest list and leave a bit of wiggle room prior to finalization

    3. THEN find the venue.

    If you go in that order, you know how much you can spend, how many people you must provide for, and you find a place big enough to do that, within your budget constraints.

    Our guest limit was set based on DD wanting an evening wedding with dinner.  She could have invited many more if she wanted a brunch type wedding or cake/punch, but she wanted the evening wedding/reception.

     

    Post # 46
    Member
    1290 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @chic_and_fabulous:  

    one of my sorority sisters had a huge wedding. They gave plus 1s to  EVERYONE. 

    Another friend of mine had a wedding and afforded plus 1s to NO ONE. EVEN IF  THEY WERE MARRIED. She received a huge backlash for this, she had lots of tears  and frustration, and consequently, a low turnout for the wedding. 

    The moral of the story that I have learned? Offer the plus 1- even if people  won’t use it. 

    Read more: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/would-you-bring-a-plus-one-if-you-were-single#postform#ixzz2mnCIKR8g

     

    That is a false choice — of course not inviting spouses is wrong.  That doesnt mean you HAVE to give a plus one to everyone.

    The topic ‘Would you bring a plus one (if you were single)?’ is closed to new replies.

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