Post # 1
Member
28 posts
Newbee
I want to know thoughts on this situation…
Would you purchase a home with your significant other if you were not engaged or married?
I ask because my Maid/Matron of Honor is currently house hunting with her boyfriend, and they plan on buying, not renting. She wants to get engaged asap, but he has no plans of proposing anytime soon. I think she is making a mistake by getting herself into a mortgage with someone who she is not engaged to or married to yet. I’m just afraid things will go south(they fight a lot, especially about getting engaged) and then they will end up in a legal battle over the home and other assets. Maybe I am being old fashion or judgmental… just want to hear what others think!
Post # 3
Member
3942 posts
Honey bee
Yes. We bought one year before the proposal and it was the best decision we ever made.
Post # 4
Member
9129 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
He’s willing to make a 30 year commitment to pay a mortgage with me but he doens’t want to marry me? Nope. Also, banks can penalize unmarried persons applying for mortgages by giving them a higher rate. Not mention if the paperwork is done wrong and the guy dies someone else may inherit his half of the house and you may end up in a property dispute with his family over it.
Post # 5
Member
2022 posts
Buzzing bee
NO NO NO… Keep it separate! God forbid that something happens… but if it does, and they never get married or if they split – it makes it SO MUCH MORE COMPLICATED!!!
Post # 6
Member
2268 posts
Buzzing bee
I wouldn’t buy a home with that man if I were her, but I be buying a home with my SO in 2013, and we won’t be married until July 2014. We have been together 8+ years, and have a pretty solid relationship. I’m not worried about it.
However, I do think everyone should get a prenuptial agreement. I will be, but I don’t have anything for SO to take. It would protect him more than me, but I think everyone should get a prenup no matter what.
Post # 8
Member
11324 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
@beachbride1216: “
He’s willing to make a 30 year commitment to pay a mortgage with me but he doens’t want to marry me? Nope. “
^This. I just don’t understand it I guess because I feel like a house is basically a life-long commitment (i mean, not REALLY, but it is as messy or messier than a lot of divorces!). So if he wasn’t sure enough to put a ring on it, I wouldn’t be signing my name on anything.
Post # 9
Member
6014 posts
Bee Keeper
It depends. In her situation it doesn’t sound ideal. I know alot of times the engagement happened within six months of buying the house.
Post # 10
Member
28 posts
Newbee
@beachbride1216: that is exactly what I am thinking!
Post # 11
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee
I think it depends on each couple. Who knows, maybe living together will encourage him to propose. Point is nobody really knows what’s going on except the two of them. that said, a good lawyer will draw up the contracts in a way that protects both of them if things do go wrong.
Post # 12
Member
5147 posts
Bee Keeper
We bought a house before getting engaged, but I was adament that my name wasn’t on anything until we were married. So I helped pick out the house, but it was in his name and the loan was based only on his income.
Post # 13
Member
230 posts
Helper bee
Nope! I’m not willing to play house if he’s not willing to commit.
Post # 14
Member
8035 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
@melanieky: I think the situation you describe is a dumb one to get into.
I might do it, if I knew an engagement was on the horizon. No way if either my bf or I were undecided about getting married or we were fighting about it.
I have a friend/coworker who bought a house with her boyfriend, and based on what she told me about their relationship (i.e. constantly bitching), I advised her against buying it with him. She was unsure if she wanted to or not. I normally keep my mouth shut but I was vocal about it, but she bought the house anyway. Fast forward 2 years later, 1 of which she spent living with him in the house (they built it), and they’ve broken up. They weren’t married or even common law, he put most of the money into the house… he is keeping it… she is not sure what to do now. He said he’d pay her out, but it definitely won’t be a lot of money. She doesn’t have much legal ground to stand on.
They went into it with him wanting to marry her, but she was in no rush. Things deteriorated from there.
Post # 15
Member
10450 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
We did. But we had been together over 5 years at the time and knew it was permanent, had discussed getting engaged, etc. It happened 6 month later.
Post # 16
Member
11231 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
I said that it depends on the situation, because every couple is different. Had our financial situation been different, my Fiance and I would have bought a house before we were engaged–we were actually going and looking at houses a few months before he proposed. Then again, we’d talked about definitely getting engaged and married, and I was just waiting for the proposal.
