(Closed) Would you buy a house unmarried???

posted 5 years ago in Home
Post # 2
Member
6566 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

My Fiance bought a house solely under his name in the spring, but we consider it our house, since I pay for almost half of everything.  It’s solely under his name because it’s a VA loan, so I can put my name on the house when we get married.

To be honest, even if we were able to put both our names’ on the house before we were married, I’m not sure that I would want to.  If things didn’t pan out or he just dragged me along without marriage for too long, I wouldn’t want to have that obstacle in case we broke up.

I wish you all the luck in this decision!  It’s a toughy.

Post # 3
Member
592 posts
Busy bee

I wouldn’t buy a home without being married.  The idea of owning property with someone who won’t make a commitment to me is a bit terrifying. 

Post # 4
Member
10852 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Absolutely not.  That’s a huge financial entanglement.  Do you hear what he’s saying?  “I’ll get married to you but you have to buy a house with me first”.

 

Post # 5
Member
9595 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Nope never. Also- I don’t know how you could have any faith in him after a 4 year engagement with no date in sight! I’d put my foot down about this for sure. And there’d also be a wedding or a break up on the horizon. 

Post # 6
Member
665 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Absolutely not, because if things don’t work out and the house is under both names, it will be a right mess to sort out. Breaking up a long term relationship is hard enough without that kind of legal issue.

If I were you, i wouldn’t believe your SO either. Has he told you why he wants to buy the house first before you get married? Also why have you two had such a long engagement? Was that a mutual decision or does the wedding just keep getting pushed back? Are there any plans in place for a wedding yet?

Post # 7
Member
5109 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2014

Definitely not without at least being engaged and actively planning a wedding with a set date. 

Post # 8
Member
2697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

purplehibiscus:  We bought a house before we were married, and so far so good. But we have a date set and we’ll be married next month.

But, I wouldn’t buy a house with someone if I wasn’t sure we would be together forever.

Post # 9
Member
1553 posts
Bumble bee

My Fiance owns our home. I already pay half the payment, so it is our home, but I won’t be putting my name on it until after we’re married.

Post # 10
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015 - Backyard

You know your fiance better than any of us, and obviously you have doubts. Trust your gut. I Bought a house with my Fiance years ago and it turned out great, but there wasn’t a doubt in my mind. I think you should find out exactly what your doubts are and whether his motivations are committal or financial. Good luck

Post # 11
Member
2272 posts
Buzzing bee

purplehibiscus:  

I would say yes maybe if you were in different circumstances. If he had just proposed you had a date set and were seriously planning a wedding then maybe. However if you have been engaged four years with no end in sight I would to tell him I  have to be married before considering that. 

If anything you will find out pretty quickly how serious he is about marrying you, plus you are protecting yourself from the  mess that could ensue if you go in on a property with no comittment. 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 11 months ago by  llussier.
Post # 12
Hostess
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

My Fiance and I bought a house this past summer, and got engaged 1 week later, so I was prepared to buy one without being amrried as we had not talked about marriage much at that point (been together for 4 years, he proposed after having the ring custom made well before we started house shopping last year). It is up to every couple what they feel comfortable with. I have friends who have no interest in having a wedding, and will have a city hall ceremony eventually, but they have been commonlaw for years, and feel a piece of paper doesn’t define their relationship. If you feel uncomfortable buying a house without being married, then definitely don’t do it. 

Post # 13
Member
1845 posts
Buzzing bee

llussier:  I agree. We are building without being married but we are also ‘actively’ engaged in that we are planning our wedding. 

If we weren’t engaged pr were engaged but he kept putting off actually getting married I [robably wouldint.

 

purplehibiscus:  My biggest issue with this is the fact that you have been engaged for 4 years but he still seems to have no intention of marrying you yet. I would talk to him about this before you even think about buying a house with him. Explain that for you to feel like it is a good idea financially to buy together you need to see that he is as committed to the relationship as you are. Tell him that if you start actively planning the wedding then you will consider buying before it happens, but that until then you will not be purchasing together. 

Post # 14
Member
2573 posts
Sugar bee

We built a house unmarried but he also was planning to propose the whole time.  He knew I didn’t want to own a house with someone who wasn’t going to be my husband. 

Post # 15
Member
1980 posts
Buzzing bee

We did, after being together almost 4 years. We are now engaged, but we weren’t then. It didn’t cross my mind to be alarmed by that fact.

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