Post # 1
If you had always known your boyfriend/fiance’s mother as their first name, and you always called them that, if they started telling you to call them Mom…would you?
I’ve always called my boyfriend/fiance’s mom her first name. We had a lot of issues that stemmed from her son and I wanting to get married. She was what you call a mother-in law from hell(there is a website nicknamed that). She can definitely be two faced, manipulative, domineering, overbearing, and etc. At other times she can be nicer and overly friendly.
We didn’t get engaged for a long time, but when we did, her meddlesome behaviors still continued…..
We ended up waiting to tell her our *date* and held off on wedding planning for that reason to prevent more meddlesome behavior. The plan worked: when we finally told her our official date she accepted it and was nice about it. Offered to help with centerpieces and the rehearsal dinner and etc. Well now she starts signing her name in emails as Her name…then AKA Mom. I’ve just ignored that and continued to call her her first name…I wonder if that is rude of me?
However, to me I only have one mom. I don’t want to offend my own mom by calling my mother in-law mom. Plus, my fiance’s mom is rather young. She’s only 16 years older than me….so she’s not even really old enough to be my mom. Although things have calmed down with her as far as meddling, I still can feel uncomfortable at times with her. I think I will always feel a little nervous around her. (Back in her meddlesome times it would make me feel sick just entering her house) I do think she is still meddling a little though, like being a bit overbearing with wanting to be involved with the planning process(adding guests and flowergirls, controling decorating, etc.) you can never fully trust her… When her son upsets her, she likes to threaten that i might leave him or ask, “and you want to marry that?”…etc…which i think is disrespectful on her part.
Anyways just curious about how you are addressing your mother in-laws?
So just curious what you all do?
Post # 3
I still call my in-laws by their first names. That won’t change anytime soon, because I have a great mom and dad and have no desire to hand anyone else that label in my life.
Post # 4
I’m sorry you have such a strained relationship with your Future Mother-In-Law.
I feel the same way you do – I only have one mother and that’s the only person I’d call mom. Plus I kinda feel that it’s weird if you’re both calling the same parent mom, as if you’re brother and sister in a way, you know?
I call my bf’s mother (FMIL) by her nickname that everyone (even bf) calls her.
Post # 5
My Future Sister-In-Law calls FI’s parents Mom and Dad, but they started dating in HIGH SCHOOL! I started dating Fiance when I was 32, and he see his parents once a year, at most. It would seem very weird to call them Mom and Dad, and I doubt they would ask me to.
If you aren’t comfortable with it, don’t make it a big deal. If she asks directly, tell her you aren’t comforable with it. If she doesn’t ask directly, just let it lie.
Post # 6
If you aren’t comfortable calling her mom, then I would would just explain that to her.
If Jim’s mom was still alive and wanted me to call her mom, I would and I wouldn’t have a problem with it. I don’t think it is disrespectful to your mom at all. After all, your fiance’s mom is going to be your MOTHER-in-law, and it would be in that context that you would be calling her mom.
Post # 7
My mom died 5 years ago, and I’m really sensitive about calling anyone else “Mom”. I will always refer to my Future Mother-In-Law by her first name. If she requests that I call her Mom (which I don’t ever envision her doing), I’m 100% comfortable explaining my reason to her.
Post # 8
Nope… I just call them by their first names. It would feel odd to call someone else mom and dad I think.
Post # 9
I haven’t really figured out what I’ll call her. My future brother-in-law who married into the family alternates between calling them mom/dad and Lisa/Scott (names obviously changed ;). I hope that I can figure it out soon though b/c I kind of feel awkward addressing them. My mother walked out when I was a baby, so I’m not really weirded in that I would call two people mom but it’s just weird b/c technically I’m not her daughter and I don’t know how she feels about it. I’ll probably just call her Lisa.
Post # 10
I love my Future Mother-In-Law but I think it would feel odd calling her mom.
Post # 11
i will absolutely call my in-laws by their first names.
Post # 12
I have never actually met NotFroofy’s mother, who lives in Wales (and with whom NotFroofy is not in contact). However, in my first marriage, I loved my Mother-In-Law. I started out by calling her by her first name. Over time, I gradually began calling her by the pet name that her grandchildren gave her. For me, calling her Mom would have been tough precisely because she was way nicer than my actual mother.
Post # 13
I adore my Future Mother-In-Law but I still won’t call her “mom,” even if she asked me too. I also won’t call FH’s grandfather “grandpa” either, and he did ask me to. It makes me uncomfortable.
In my opinion, that is a name of honor and is reserved for my mother only. My dad called my mom’s mom “ma,” but that gradually and naturally happened over the first years of their relationship/ marriage. And he called her that because that’s what she became to him– not because she asked him to.
Post # 14
I call my Future In-Laws Mama and Papa. It’s a name that we all gave parents back in high school, and while FH and I didn’t date until we were out of hs, it still holds there. However, I do call his grandparents “grandma and grandpa” – but then again, there are several older people in my life (just on my side) that I call grandma/grandpa. It’s less of a reserved name for me.
Post # 15
I call my FIL’s by their first names, and I agree with the PP’s that I already have a mom and a dad so it would be weird to call anyone else those names. But on the other hand, if they asked to be called something else, I’d at least try to come up with something that respected their wishes. I’ve heard of ppl calling their IL’s variations of “mother lastname” or “mama lastname” so maybe I could get used to something like that.
Post # 16
I cant imagine the BF’s mom ever asking me to call her mom, but if she did I would feel really uncomfortable. I also only see BF’s dad a few times a year and we arent really close so that would be incredible awkward as well.