(Closed) Would you care about your mothers opinion?

posted 4 years ago in Rings
Post # 16
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee

Nope! She doesn’t have to wear the thing. If she judges you for not getting a diamond, well that says more about her and how well advertising works on her than your taste x

Post # 17
Member
9589 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Honestly I did hear my moms voice when figuring out my ideal stone size. She’s just… Midwestern? And modest and is quick to label things “vulgar”. Halos! Big honking rocks! Pave! Lol. I think I inherited some of her tastes though because I wanted a solitaire, and picked a smaller size in the setting I loved over a 2 carat from elsewhere. It just seemed so huge and I could see her eye roll haha.

BUT if I really loved the 2 I would have said deal with it mom.  And I think you too should get what you love and say deal with it mom. I would take a vintage or smaller diamond over a sim though, but you of course can say, deal with it MrsBB.

Post # 18
Member
534 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

If it was something that affected her comfort at the wedding I’d care. About an engagement ring, I’d just practice smiling and saying “Thanks for the concern but I really like it.”

Post # 19
Member
3325 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

applecheeks:  no as she is not the one wearing it and looking at 24/7 , 365 days a year for how ever many years. 

Post # 20
Member
4037 posts
Honey bee

My Mom would never had said something like that. I didn’t get an engagement ring – we were both poor college students – until my grandmother gave hubby her ring, to give me.

Now my mother in law has a long history of criticism and passive-agressive comments. I’ve ignored her, for years …

Post # 21
Member
416 posts
Helper bee

Good practice for the future. It’s great to be open to opinions (though your mother should voice hers in a respectful way) but at the end of the day there are going to be a lot of things you and your mom disagree on. What a nice ring looks like, how much wedding budget is reasonable, what time your kids should go to bed, whether they appropriatemy dressed, fed, etc, whether you are balancing your work and home life appropriately…

Especially if your mother has a penchant for voicing her opinion and expecting that to result in a change, do what makes you happy. You have to live with it and you know yourself best. “Tradition” is just a longer fashion trend. 

 

Post # 22
Member
3087 posts
Sugar bee

applecheeks:  

How strange that she is so traditional when it comes to diamonds, but not so much when it comes to weddings!

Post # 23
Member
387 posts
Helper bee

Nope. 

My mom hasn’t approved of a few of my decisions (college I went to, where I live, a previous relationship, etc, normal things), but I didn’t not do them because she didn’t like them. 

Plus, not her ring, not her problem. 

Post # 24
Member
1288 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2018 - Omaha, NE

Honestly, you only have to tell her it’s moissanite if she specifically asks. Obviously, honestly is the best policy and it’s somewhat rude to pass off a large stone as a diamond outright (“yes, it’s a diamond!) but any other comments can be redirected to how the ring actually looks.

Is it real? –
“It had better be or he’ll be in trouble!” *laugh*
“Well I’m wearing it, so it must be!”
“Of course it’s real!” 
“Didn’t he do such a great job?”

If they specifically ask if it’s a diamond, I’d say they’re being pretty rude and I’d go the route of “I haven’t asked! I don’t really care if it is or not, it’s perfect and I love it and my fiance!”

I would hope your mom would be more interested in whether you love it than whether it’s a specific material of HER preference :/

Edit: As far as gemstones go, you can pretty much avoid that whole conversation because it’s pretty obvious they aren’t a diamond and gemstones are more acceptable to most people than a moissanite for some odd reason. Again, they should be happy you love it and if they’re not then tell them to shove it because it’s your ring, not theirs!

Post # 25
Member
3287 posts
Sugar bee

Nope, she has never said anything and I have not asked.

Post # 26
Member
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2008

My mother would/has negative opinions all the time with me, just because. So no. I wouldn’t care. I’d expect it. As far as caring, it would annoy me, but I wouldn’t actually consider a ring based on her opinion. 

Post # 28
Member
6061 posts
Bee Keeper

My answer to the question of “would you care about your mother’s opinion?” is a yes and a no.

My mom likes to believe that she keeps her opinions and thoughts to herself. And, maybe, she does when it comes to everyone else but me. But for me, her opinion is out there — loud, proud, and unceasing. I will hear about it over and over and over again. And it’s almost always a negative as to whatever I want/am doing/was thinking, etc. 

When Darling Husband and I got engaged, she thought my ring was pretty, but said it should have a larger center stone. (We purchased what we liked the best that was within our budget.) When Darling Husband decided to get me a wider, stand-alone wedding band instead of the matching band for my ERing, she thought I should have the matching set and that I would be sorry about doing things the way we did them. When we got my anniversary ring for our 15th a couple of years ago, I sent her pictures of the ring. She said it was so pretty, but that the center stone I chose was much too small. When I was looking for a band to go with my anniversary ring, she said I needed something “blingy and with lots of diamonds”. When I discovered I actually liked a plainer band with the ring, she said she thought it was “nice enough, but not very pretty”. I know she was really disappointed in my choice — ha, ha! When I showed her the design of the ring I’m currently having made through DK, she said, “Since when are you into all this dragon mess?” When she asked about the novel I was writing and I told her the plotline (and that it’s a fantasy novel), she said, “Why do you have to write all this fantasy crap? Why can’t you just write something normal, that you know about?” *sigh*

So … yes, my mom’s opinion does matter to me. And her words really hurt. She can cut me to the quick without even trying very hard. Don’t get me wrong. I love my mom. I mean, she’s my mom! But she can be pretty difficult. She’s always wanted me to be something I’m not, and I’ve always just wanted to be me. I feel that I am a constant source of disappointment to her.

But, also … No. I have had to learn over the years to not care as much about what my mom thinks or wants. Because I spent a lot of time twisting myself into knots trying to make her happy. Only to realize I could never make her happy. And besides, I’m only responsible for making myself happy. So now, even though the words still hurt, I am more able to dismiss them and just go about my business, doing what I want. (hope this makes sense)

Anyhow, this is all just a long-winded way of saying you should do what makes you and your sweetheart the happiest. If that’s a gemstone ring or an antique ring, then so be it. It will be beautiful, and I’m sure your mom will be pleased to see how happy it makes you.

Post # 29
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee

I feel like engagement rings are a lot like baby names. Don’t tell anyone until it’s on your finger (or born). People are a lot less likely to argue against something when you’ve already committed to it.

My mom is my BFF and I ask her opinion on almost everything, but she’s proven herself to be trustworthy with anything I want to talk about. You’ve gotta know your audience. I don’t tell my grandmother anything…with good reason, lol.

Post # 30
Member
1146 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

applecheeks:  wow i totally didn’t even consider this at all! But then again my mom is never really critical of me really…especially over something that has nothing to do with her. I can understand not wanting to deal with negative feedback from her if she was the type to dish it out…but still, i feel like I would rather have the ring i want and deal with a few comments from her vs. NOT have the ring I want  but not have to field some comments.

Maybe make it a good teachable moment. Get the ring you want and say “mom, this doesnt affect you and is purely my choice. I don’t care to hear negatvie feedback about this and if you continue to give it to me, i will end the conversation/leave etc.” And then make good on your word if you need to.

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