(Closed) Would You Care If BM's Use Different Hair Stylist?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
3186 posts
Sugar bee

@CherryWaves:  If she isn’t paying for it, and you stick to whatever style she’s requested and/or give her to opportunity to let you know what she’s looking for, I don’t see what the problem would be in that case.

Post # 4
547 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@CherryWaves:  If she’s not paying for it, she has no right to be upset. I don’t care as long as I am not responsible (or at all involved) in setting up appt times and coordinating things.

Post # 5
4441 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@CherryWaves:  Well what is she planning on doing before hair?  And what is she plannig on doing after?  Are you going to be availble for those events?  If not, is that ok with the bride?


She may not have all this planned out yet, but she may also just have been surprised that you had thought this out with so much longer to go! 


Personally I wouldn’t have liked it because I would want my MOH with me the entire day but I wouldn’t have made a big deal out of it.

Post # 6
495 posts
Helper bee

It would annoy me. I paid for my mom and sister to have their hair done (no bridal party) at my wedding because I wanted them with me, not because I wanted them to have their hair pretty (that was a big bonus, of course).

Also, you’re obviously doing it because you don’t approve of her choice (whether it’s obvious to your friend or not — I’ll do you the favor of assuming you wouldn’t insult her pick to her face), and that’s a bit insulting to her taste no matter your stated reasoning.

Post # 7
6814 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I would not be upset no,  for my wedding the girls had an option to get their hair done where I was getting mine done. They could have it done there or else where or do their own hair.  I trusted my girls to look great and they all did. All of them but 1 went to the lady who did my hair. You couldn;t tell the difference. 

Post # 8
1477 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

No, as long as she isn’t paying for it, she can’t really say who does your hair.

Post # 9
121 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

If the bride isn’t paying for the appts, then she can’t dictate where you get your hair/makeup done, so you are free to go wherever you like.  I definitely wouldn’t be upset if any of my girls had decided to get their hair done elsewhere (in fact, two of my BM’s are going somewhere else to have their hair done).  That being said, her response may have been because she was disappointed she wouldn’t have you with her for getting ready part of the day.  

Post # 10
6360 posts
Bee Keeper

I truly would not. If you pay, you decide.

Post # 11
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@CherryWaves:  No way!  I personally wouldn’t expect my BMs to even get hair/makeup done if they’d rather do it themselves. So long as they follow the style ideas that I had in mind (as I’d want everyone’s hair to be somewhat similar – i like uniformity lol).  I don’t think she has a right to be annoyed/upset if you want to go w/ your own stylist considering you are paying for this and want to look good for the money you’re dishing out. She’ll get over it. Hopefully :S

Post # 12
882 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Not at all. Though she may be upset if she wanted you all to get ready together. Maybe make your apt early and go to the other salon to be there with her while she and the other members of the bridal party get ready.


I was the MOH in a wedding  this past weekend, and did the same thing. The bride had ordered food and champagne to her room and wanted us all to be there with her while she got ready…it was nice spending time with her and calming her nerves. I got my hair done at a salon down the street earlier that afternoon so that I was ready to go while she was getting ready. 

ETA: the stylist the bride wanted us to use cost $160 pp. and the one we ended up going to early was $40. So the bride totally understood. All she really wanted was us to be there for her at a certain time. Tell her that you will be with her when she wants you there, and I think it will be fine. It’s not like she owes anything to this stylist, and if she’s really your friend, she she should trust your judgment to get your hair done they way you two agree up/the way she wants. Good luck!

Post # 13
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@CherryWaves:  I would be pissed. For starters you committed to the brides stylist already, stylists charge based on the size of the wedding party and will likely still charge the bride for you even if your not being done, contracts and all.  On  top of everything you just decided you are very likely going to be getting ready elsewhere missing the getting ready shots and possibly preventing or delaying any planned pre-ceremony shots they had setup. Not to mention this bride now has to deal with worrying if you will make it in time for the ceremony since she won’t be able to see your getting ready status. 

Post # 14
438 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I would be annoyed and am actually in this exact situation right now with my MOH. I have arranged (and am paying) for a MUA and hair stylists to come to my parents house the day of wedding to do our hair and make up. (Again I am paying for this).

My MOH told me the other day, she is going to a different salon to have her hair and make up done. I am pretty bummed because I thought it would be fun if we all got ready together; I even arranged the photographer to come over early to take some candid photos of us getting ready. My mom is also making us robes to get ready in. Also, MUA is going to do touch ups before ceremony starts (we are taking pictures ahead of time), so I guess she’ll be the only one not getting touch ups done?

I am def bummed and sad, but I am picking my battles and just letting it go. I have 4 other BM who will be there, and MOH will come over after she’s done

Post # 15
3103 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I wouldn’t care a bit about hairstyles on the actual day. However, I do understand about feeling like your bonding time with your BMs is being infringed upon. I am having a spa-day with my MOH the day before that includes manis and pedis. And I would be a little disappointed to know that she didn’t approve of my manicurist choice and therefore chose to skip my planned spa-day in order to go get her nails done at her own place.  The difference here: I’m paying, so I think I have the right to insist on a certain stylist if it comes to that. Also, I think your friend did sense that you’re getting your hair done elsewhere because you don’t like/trust hers. That probably stings a bit.

Can you get your hair done early and still show up to hang out with her and the girls for the fun and fellowship?

Post # 16
11754 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think it would be odd to use a different stylist if all the BMs will be getting ready with the bride, but if she isn’t requiring you to get your hair done, I guess you’re free to do it yourself (or use someone else).  At the end of the day though, it’s not about what you look like or if you like your hair style, it’s about the bride.

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