Post # 1
So Darling Husband and i got into a bit of a heated argument about this last night and i just wanted to know what your guys thoughts are.
Say you got married, lived happily for 10-15 years and got divorced. Your kids have moved on (both are girls and have changed there name when they got married) and you have met the man of your dreams. You get remarried.
Would you keep the name of your ex husbands last name?
Im of the mind that i would keep my ex-husbands last name after we are divorced if i have kids etc (for legal reasons its proabably just easier) but when all the kids are out and I am re married I would rather take his new name or go back to my maiden name, i just dont see why i would want to still keep ex-hubbyes last name (im rambling..i think i am rambling but i hope you guys get what i am saying???).
My Darling Husband has an Aunt who has our last name cause YEARS ago she was married to DH’s uncle..they arent married…havent been for years and she is remarried but still uses the last name..i just feel so “off” about it.
Darling Husband says when you have the last name for so long it becomes a part of your identity and you dont want to lose that…but i dont think so.
What do you bees think?
Post # 3
If I had kids and we divorced I would keep his last name so it is in line with the kids.
Once they are grown and out of the house I would either keep it or change it if I remarried.
Post # 4
In my home country your last name automatically changes with a marriage AND divorce, so this is a no brainer to me. Even though I live in the US now, I would definitely change my name if we got divorced. I hyphenate it now anyway so it’s not like I lost my old identity. You win that argument with your husband 🙂
Post # 5
My aunts who have gotten divorced changed their last names back to their maiden names (and they’d been married 30 years). It was awkward for them to tell us to call them by their new last names (on mail and such), but it’s fine now.
Post # 6
your poll question is an either/or, and your answers are yes/no. it doesn’t make any sense.
i don’t think it matters whose name you use.
Post # 7
@kitzy: I just mean would you change your name back to maiden/or new hubbys OR keep you ex-hubbys last name.
I voted “yes” as in I would take either hubbys name or my maiden rather then keep ex-hubbys
Post # 8
@kitzy: She’s asking if you would do one or the other. So if you would either change to your maiden name or take on your new husband’s name when you remarry, you answer “yes.” If you would keep your ex husband’s name when you remarry, you would answer “no.” It does make sense.
ETA: Oops, Baileyh beat me to it.
Post # 9
I would probably change my name back to my maiden name immediately after the divorce [if I were to hypothetically change my name in the fisrt place ].
in the event of a new marriage I would either keep my maiden name or take my new partners name.
Post # 10
@missmouse29: yeah im of the same mind! I thought maybe it was just because i reluctantly took my DH’s last name.
I just think it would be odd though to be called Mrs. John when you are actually married to Mr. SMith…i dont know…
Post # 11
If we were married for a long time and kids were involved I would keep his name until I remarried…
That said, FI’s ex wife still has his last name and it bothers me… They were married for about 4 years, no kids and she cheated on him… I don’t feel like she should be allowed to keep the name. If kids were involved I would feel differently though.
ETA: I know someone who’s first husband passed away then remarried and she kept both last names… They divorced and she recently got remarried and I believe dropped both last names and took her new hubby’s last name… But I’m not sure what her name is LEGALLY.
Post # 12
Kids or not, I would definitely not be keeping the name of a man I was divorced from. No way Jose!
ETA: My aunt went back to her maiden name as soon as she was divorced. There weren’t any identity issues with her kids. In fact, they say that it would have been weird having a mom and step-mom both being called Mrs. X, since her ex re-married.
Post # 13
My grandmother remarried and kept her first husband’s last name (she had two kids, both boys, who were late twenties/early thirties when she remarried). I think she did it for two reasons 1) she already had a successful career as a screenwriter under her first husband’s last name and 2) our family’s last name is a VERY good last name for someone working in entertainment, which I suspect had something to do with her decision.
In my case neither apply because I’m not changing my name in the first place… apparently once you’re a MyLast, you’re a MyLast for life. Since we immigrated to the country and the last name originated a few generations ago, no woman has EVER changed her last name from MyLast to something else. Granted, it’s a pretty small sample size (small families, lots of boys), but it’d be pretty weird to be the first.
Post # 14
Hey this is great..so im not nuts.
Darling Husband has THREE aunts who have kept the last names of their ex’s…i find it so odd. (espeically since the marriages were AWFUL and ended poorly….why would you want that reminder??)
Post # 15
@Entangled: Now I’m interested as to what your last name is! lol What an interesting name history!
Post # 16
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
If I divorced, I would change my last name to my maiden name and never change it again if I got remarried, whether my kids were grown and out of the house or not.
I think it’s a fallacy that there are any legal reasons why it’s easier to share a last name with your kids. It is more convenient when they are in school because that way teachers will not call you by the wrong name, and no one will verify that you are the parent if you come to pick them up from school in an emergency (they should do that whether you share a name or not, but that’s another story). If there is a legal reason that you need to be identified, it doesn’t take very long to do it, no matter what your names are!
FTR, my mom kept her married name after my parents were divorced (but that was after 25+ years of marraige), and after she re-married. She’d established her profession with that name and didn’t want to confuse her clients.