- 4 years ago
I am facing a serious dilemna right now. I have been dating the same man for over a year, and I absolutely love him to death. We are very compatible and he pretty much meets everything on my check list. He is kind, considerate, romantic, and very caring. He spends a lot of time with me, is very honest, and is pretty much everything I could ask for. I have never dated someone who treats me as well as he does.
However, I have recently run into a problem with him. I discovered he was very religions, which he has hid from me up until this point in our relationship. (He said his faith has caused a lot of failed relationships, so he was scared to talk about it with me) I myself, am not a religious person. Being from Poland, I grew up Catholic and even went to a Catholic school up until highschool, but never took the faith seriously. I don’t really have any beliefs, but I respect all of them and I love to learn about new faiths. He recently told me he is apart of a Christian faith that originated from the Phillipines called Inglesia Ni Cristo. It’s pretty similar to a lot of the other Christian denominations out there, except it has some pretty strict rules. The problem is, he cannot ever marry outside his faith or he gets excommunicated and the other one is that men and women are not allowed to sit together during Church.
I have a huge problem with these two rules specifically.
He told me he loved me very much and wanted to marry me, but I had to convert, otherwise marriage was out of the question. (His whole family is apart of this Church, and the priest and members of his church is like his extended family) When I heard this, I was PISSED. If I knew from the start he had this rule, I would have dumped him at once! But unfortunately I did not find out until a year later, and I am horribly heartbroken because I care about him a lot and do not know how to respond. I feel like he doesn’t really love me if I have to change faiths! I just want him to accept me the way I am, but at the same time, I understand that doing that would cause a HUGE rift within his family, whom he is extremely close to.
I considered converting, but in the back of my mind I feel like thsi is totally wrong. I told him no, and he said “That is okay. I will wait for you because you are worth trying hard for.” What? Basically he said he would not mind dating me forever and it would not change his feelings for me, we just cannot get officially married. But if I convert, hell, he’ll go tomorrow and get me a ring! I don’t know what to do and my family and friends give me mixed answers. Some said get over it and some said kick him to the curb. I have a friend who made her boyfriend convert to Catholicism so she could marry him and I have another friend who dumped her boyfriend cause he tried to make her convert. So I just do not know what to do. 🙁
I feel so blindsided right now. The major problem for me is that the church is gender segregrated, and being a super liberal person and woman’s activist, this is an OUTRAGE to me. But he cannot understand that. Any advice out there? Have any of you run into this problem before, and if so, how did you handle it and what was the outcome?
Like I said, aside from this issue, we are literally perfect for each other! Am I being too stubborn?