Post # 1
I just got engaged last month and my FI and I have set a date for a Friday night (10.09.09). I like our date. I think the second weekend in October is always the prettiest with the changing leaves.
My best friend, who I will eventually "officially" ask to be my Maid/Matron of Honor, just informed me that her aunt is getting married next fall, too. And, of course, it happens to be the day after our wedding! Luckily, her aunt’s wedding will be in the same area as ours. She is going to be a personal attendant for her Aunt and claims that she doesn’t really *need* to go to the rehearsal dinner, but I already feel guilty about taking away time that she would be spending with family. This is her aunt’s first wedding, she is about 50 years old, and marrying her 16 year old child’s father. Kind of an interesting situation…but a wedding is a wedding!
We haven’t booked any vendors yet, so technically we could still change our date to make it easier for my Maid/Matron of Honor. But we have told my Future Mother-In-Law that this will be our date and I know that in her excitement she has already started spreading the word.
My Maid/Matron of Honor currently attends graduate school out of state, but may be moving back home (where the weddings will be) when she graduates. So her mom said, at least this way we know she will be home for both weddings, if she still is living out of town!
What would you do? Would you change your date, or keep it and accept the fact that you can’t pick a date that will work perfectly for everyone! I really just want to get started with the planning!
Post # 3
i say keep the date. you can’t accomodate everyone, and in the end, it’s YOUR wedding, not theirs.
Post # 4
I had a whole post written out about how it’s your date, blah blah blah.. and then I re-read your post and saw that the aunt’s wedding is the day AFTER yours!!!!!! I read it the first time as being on the same day, which could be an issue. NOW, I really don’t see a problem with keeping your date. If it’s in the same geographic region, then I don’t think she’ll have a problem making both. I really don’t think you need to change the date as they aren’t even on the same day. Keep your day, it’s the one you want!
Post # 5
i agree with keeping the date.
in fact, if your MOH-to-be is still living out of town at the time, it would be a lot easier for her to make one long-weekend trip out to your area to participate in both weddings, rather than make two separate trips.
the date you and Fiance chose is special to you, so i think unless you find more reasons to believe that 10.09.09 isn’t a PERFECT date for you, stick with it! 🙂
Post # 6
So… if you didn’t change your date, would your friend still be able to come? If she can and is willing to come, I see no problem. It’s up to her to choose, right? You’re not ‘taking’ her away from anything.
If she doesn’t want to miss her aunt’s festivites, then I suppose it’s a matter of how much you want her there- friend vs. keeping your date.
Hope that helps some =)
Post # 7
I would figure out – hopefully with your friend as part of the conversation – what you are going to want as far as support from her, and what she expects to need to do for her aunt. Typically the role of Maid/Matron of Honor is a lot more involved than personal attendant, which might just be a position given to her to make her feel included somehow, and would typically involve mostly a few duties on the day of the wedding. Or maybe her aunt is having no actual BMs, in which case the job of personal attendant might be more involved?
At any rate, I would probably not change your date. As pointed out, travel is expensive, and you’re probably saving your friend big bucks if you can minimize the number of trips she needs to make. But… you might want to have her as just a Bridesmaid or Best Man rather than Maid/Matron of Honor, or you might want to adjust your idea of what your Maid/Matron of Honor will do for you – sliding some of the traditional duties to the BMs – to accomodate anything your friend may be doing for her aunt and to keep from overloading her. If you communicate pretty well about expectations (throughout the planning process) it should work out just fine.
Post # 8
Thanks for your helpful feedback everyone!
My friend has made it clear that no matter when my wedding is, she will be there! I just want things to be too stressful for her that weekend.
And luckily I have some other very willing friends who will be my BM and will help her with any Maid/Matron of Honor duties. Her aunt is also have bridesmaids, so I don’t think my friend will be asked to help with too much of her wedding, besides the day of.
I think I’ll start making some vendor appointments now! Yay!
Post # 9
I say leave it be. It will keep her travel expenses down, with one fewer trip to worry about.
I’m getting married on a Sunday, and my cousin is the night before. It’s a bit unfortunate, but out of town family will already be here, so it’s one less trip for them. We didn’t do this on purpose, but by the time we had put down a deposit, they had already put down theirs, and now we’re sharing a weekend.