Post # 1
FH decided to try a gluten free, soy free diet 6 months ago. This was not on the advice of his doctor, just another doctor who was speaking about nutrition. He decided that he feels much better when he doesn’t eat gluten. He also has other food allergies. This has resulted in our grocery bill skyrocketing (thankfully, we can afford it) and him frequently vetoing my favorite restaurants because he says he can’t eat anything there. (Even before this, he was very picky about what restaurants he would go to.) It also causes problems when we go to parties and other events, and he gets very grumpy when he is hungry.
His doctor doesn’t think he truly requires a gluten free diet, but FH insists he feels a lot better when he doesn’t eat gluten. Even though it is more expensive, I have tried to eat gluten free carbs, and they range from mediocre to awful. He is allergic to potatoes, and I never have them in the house, even though I like them. I also have spent many hours looking for recipes that he can eat that are still decent to my taste.
He now says that the smell of gluten makes him nauseous, and he has problems cooking on the same cookware I have used, even after it is washed. This is despite using the expensive dishwasher detergent he thinks is really good. He says that my eating gluten in our house is unsupportive, and if I continue to eat gluten, we will have to have two separate sets of cookware (a huge pain) and that it will require running the dishwasher even when there are a few items in it.
Am I being unreasonable to eat gluten in our house? What would you do in this situation? Thanks!
ETA: It is near impossible for us to find out definitively if he is truly allergic. If he were truly allergic, would it change your answer? Thanks!
Post # 3
I think him demanding you stop eating gluten is unsupportive of you! If you are making a good faith effort to make sure you do a lot of gluten free meals and that he always has gluten-free food options, i’m not sure what the issue is here. Why should you have to suffer with him?
Post # 4
Wow I think he is going overboard. He isn’t even allergic but is saying that stuff makes him sick if he uses the same cookware? Geez.
Post # 5
I agree with the pp. He needs to be jsut as respectful of your needs as you are of his, and i think he is taking it way too extreme by saying that you can’t use the same cookware!!!
Post # 6
@guitargirl: I think he sounds like he is becoming a little dramatic about this, especially since it is for no other reason that he “feels better” while not eating gluten.
You are not being unreasonable – he is.
Post # 7
My first impression is that he’s being the unreasonable one. If he were truly allergic (as in gluten posed a health hazard) I would have a different opinion. As is, when I was a vegetarian I didn’t expect other people go out of their way to accomodate me. A restricted diet was my choice and my responsibility.
Post # 8
Honestly, I find it all a bit odd. There are obviously medical reasons why someone would need a gluten free diet (ex. Celiac’s disease). But, if he’s been evaluated by his physician and it was determined that there was no medical necessity for this diet, I don’t quite understand the obsession with this diet, other than it’s kind of a fad that’s going on right now. I know someone with severe Celiac’s disease, and he eats gluten free foods only (obviously), but the rest of the family (they have 5 kids) eats regular food. They make sure not to cross-contaminated while cooking (i.e. if you’re making pasta, don’t stir the gluten-free and regular foods with the same spoon), but that’s about as extreme as they go.
I can’t think of a reason why foods with gluten would cause him to be nauseous just based off of smell! People with Celiac’s disease (for example) have problems with the food because of damage to the small intestine. I’m curious if anyone else has insight into this!
Edit: Sorry, I got cause up a little bit in the medical aspect here. If he thinks he feels better by not eating foods with gluten, I don’t think it’s a big deal, but you shouldn’t be forced to have those same dietary restrictions. Also, as long as there is no cross contamination during the cooking process he should be fine. I can’t imagine the need for extra pots/pans just for him.
Post # 8
It’s sounds like he is just being incredibly controlling. It is fine if he prefers a gluten free diet. If it makes him feel better, than good for him, but to demand that you eat the same as him is selfish. And to insist that he can’t use your cookware for those reasons????? What the heck???? That is the most absurd thing I have ever heard. You being supportive of him buying more expensive foods and going to different restaurants based on his personal preference is as supportive as you need to be. Anything else is just him being very unfair to you.
Post # 9
J’s mother has Celiac’s disease so she cannot have gluten whatsoever so I understand the expense of this diet. With that being said, if you really don’t care for the food (which some gluten free items are absolutely gross and some are fine), I wouldn’t change my diet.
I do have a suggestion for pasta and bread.
Pasta: corn pasta. Tastes like regular wheat pasta.
Bread: Udi’s bread. It’s expensive, but it tastes really good.
There’s also ways to enjoy food that doesn’t have to gluten in it to begin with.
Post # 10
Honestly, he is acting like a drama king. If he was allergic to gluten, washing the dishes with a capful of clorox bleach should sufficiently sterilize the dishes, pots, pans, etc enough for it not to be an issue. Only you get to decide what you want to eat…just like he decided he was going gluten free. He has to accept the responsibility for making that lifestyle change, especially since he isn’t allergic.
On the flipside, I did make some changes to my diet b/c of Fiance. When he was battling stomach cancer there wasn’t a whole lot that he could eat and it just felt cruel to enjoy all sorts of delicious foods that he literally could not eat. It wasn’t something he asked/demanded I do, it was something I chose to do.
Post # 11
@guitargirl: that seems extreme on his part! i have a cousin with severe celiac, to the point where kissing someone that has been drinking a beer will make her ill, and she can use the same cookware as other people that use gluten (obviously, after it has been washed).
if making that change has worked for him, great! when you go out to eat, i would go somewhere where there was an option he could eat, just like i don’t like sushi, so i appreciate that Fiance & i go to places that have other options together. he should realize that at other peoples’ homes, they may not have something that is gluten free. maybe bringing a dish to share with everyone (i always bring something when i go to peoples’ houses anyway) that he can eat could help. as far as you eating it, i don’t see how that is unsupportive! it is not as though it is for moral reason (ie a vegetarian being offended by spouse eating meat in their home), or because of an illness that is not in his control. it is simply a choice he is making, and it sounds like he is having trouble staying committed to it, tbh. sorry=(
Post # 12
He’s being unreasonable, demanding, inconsiderate, and demanding. Compromise doesn’t mean that one person gives up everything and the other person gets everything they want. It requires that everyone make concessions. You’ve made many–he’s made none. This would NOT be okay with me, and I think you’re perfectly right to be concerned about this.
Post # 13
He can *smell* the gluten and can’t eat out of cookware that has been sufficiently washed? Sounds like it’s all in his head. It doesn’t sound like a medical necessity in the first place, and I agree with the pps that suggest it might just be a control issue. I wouldn’t change my diet.
Post # 13
Oh and he’s being ridiculous and completely dramatic with the “smell of gluten” bullshit. Tell him to get his undies out of a twist.
Post # 14
I think the second set of pans thing is a little over the top. I know a lot of people who have changed to gluten free and swear they feel a lot better (whether they have suspected Celiacs or not), but none of them has ever mentioned having an issue eating a dish that was cooked a previously washed pan. Plenty of people with Celiac’s disease go to restaurants and I’m sure a vast majority of them don’t use separate cookware.
I think you can be supportive of his diet while not eliminating gluten yourself and I think it is selfish of him to assume otherwise.
EDIT: My opinion would change on the cookware side I guess if it were a true allergy that only needed a small amount of product to set off a reaction, but I would still eat what I wanted.