(Closed) Would you change your entire diet for your SO?

posted 10 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: How would you handle this?
    Go to a gluten free diet : (8 votes)
    5 %
    Don't change your diet at all and let him do all the extra work being gluten free : (47 votes)
    29 %
    Keep looking for gluten free recipes, buying him gluten free options, but still eat gluten at home : (101 votes)
    62 %
    Something else which I will explain below : (6 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 16
    4136 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    all of my friends with celiacs have no problem eating out of gluten cookware as long as it’s been washed. that and the “smell of gluten” thing are all in his head. tell him to get over it.

    even if gluten free isn’t a medical necessity, there is such a thing as gluten sensitivity that’s not a full blown allergy. it’s impossible to test for, and very well sounds like what he may have. i know a few people who feel much better after going off gluten even though they don’t have celiacs.

    Post # 17
    18628 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    I still think he is going overboard even if he did have Celiac disease.  I have eaten around people who are allergic to gluten and they don’t freak out because I’m not eating gluten free food, as long as I don’t throw my food in their plate.

    Post # 18
    9050 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I think he’s going a bit overboard, especially with the different cookware and “smelling” the cookware.  I think maybe he’s confusing not liking gluten to being Kosher…

    I think if he wants to do this diet it should be up to him to at least participate in planning for it.  My husband did the Atkins diet a few years ago, and while I was supportive of it (even though I think it’s BS) and tried to modify what I was making to suit his needs, I still ate carbs.

    He’s also allergic to bananas.  I don’t keep them in the house, or eat them around him… but I’ll sometimes go buy one on my coffee break at work and eat it then, when I know I won’t be kissing him for another 7 hours or so.

    Post # 19
    602 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    If my husband had Celiacs disease I would make more effort to think of meals that we could enjoy together like maybe have gluten free dinners etc… but I would still eat what I wanted for lunch / breakfast etc… And if there was a restuarant that I wanted to go to and he didn’t I would give one of my girlfriends a call.

    Post # 20
    699 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Yeah, the “smell of gluten” sounds a little bit like the lady in my building who was claiming that her son was “allergic to asbestos and lead” during our hallway renovation (as opposed to those of us who enjoy sucking it down? whatever). 

    I have friends who have celiac kids, I have friends who keep their kids off gluten for behavioral reasons (he’s on the autism spectrum and the parents swear his behavior is better when he doesn’t eat it), and they all manage to co-exist in the same household eating both gluten and gluten-free. It sounds like you’ve made a lot of effort to accomodate him, and it would be nice if he could accomodate you as well.

    Post # 21
    3010 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    View original reply
    @guitargirl: J would not expect me to change my diet because he has a problem with gluten.  There’s a high chance that he may have Celiac’s disease because his mother does have it and she’s pretty sure other family members have it as well.  It’s a problem if he eats gluten, but the gluten cookware and the smell of gluten isn’t going to kill him.  

    I’m not saying that’s there’s not a chance, but c’mon, he has to get over being controlling.  It’s good to hear that it’s making him feel better.

    Post # 22
    2825 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    You shouldn’t HAVE to change your diet because your Fiance decided to.  That said if he was actually allergic to something and you insisted on keeping it in the house that would be a different story… But since this diet change is something he did on his own accord (not reccomended by his doctor) then it isn’t your obligation to change as well.

    There are varying levels of gluten intolerance and sometimes you don’t know you are even slightly intolerant until you give it up.  So I’m sure him feeling better is very valid and to an extent you could say he is “allergic” but definitely not much of a measurable amount! I don’t think having a clean pan that at one point had gluten in it would make a difference… that is just in his head.

    7 months ago I cut down my meat intake drastically because I wanted to… but I didn’t expect my Fiance (who is a hardcore meat lover) to change with me, so I still continue to cook him some kind of meat every night (although I do cook healthier meats for him now).

    You can still support him eating gluten free and try new recipes with him, but if you want to eat a piece of regular pizza or a muffin then by all means eat it!

    Post # 23
    1135 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2009

    Even if he IS actually allergic, this does not mean that you have to start living as though you are too.  You are making a lot of reasonable accommodations for him, and he needs to make some for you too.  This would by my opinion whether his diet is or is not a medical necessity.

    Post # 24
    238 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Wow I’m sorry to say this but he sounds like a complete jerk! I would probably break up with him, no kidding. Anyone this demanding about a personal preference would be intolerable in the long run. Then again I have very little tolerance for picky eaters and I probably wouldn’t even date a vegetarian, lol.  If you can’t enjoy a good rack of ribs with me then it’s just not gonna work out, heh.

    Post # 25
    2538 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2009

    I would read about it more.  People who are really allergic to gluten need totally separate cookware.  Even a small amount can trigger a reaction.  Smelling it, not so much.  One of my BMs is gluten free and her life has completely changed since she figured out her allergy.  When we tailgate, she has to bring tin foil to cook her meat on so it doesn’t touch areas that had buns.  Many toothpastes have gluten as well as envelopes.  You don’t have to remove all gluten from your house, but it’s a really hard thing to deal with and having the temptation around all the time is probably the hardest part for him.  I voted go gluten free (in the kitchen).  On your own, get whatever.  Or at least buy separate cookware for his food.  If you truly care about a long-term relationship with him, i think you need to be accommodating.  If it’s a deal-breaker, then fine.  

    Gluten allergies are notoriously hard to diagnose.  Many people live with them for 20 years without finding out why they feel sick all the time.  

    There are also many restaurants that have gluten free menus.  One is Sammy’s Woodfired Pizza, but there are others.  

    Post # 26
    4354 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Unless he is gluten intolerant or celiac’s disease I think his claim of WASHED dishes is bogus. He seems to be taking this to a major extreme, I would not be ok with this. If my SO was truly allergic or intolerant I would make the change, or do my best to do so but he just seems like he’s being selfish.

    Post # 27
    6571 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2010

    My husband went gluten free for a while b/c like yours, he thought it made him feel better (he has crohn’s). I think you’re already going overboard trying to support him on his diet by eating and making things you don’t like. I used to make some seperate things, like pasta, but it was just too hard to make two seperate meals all the time so we ended up with me cooking for me and him figuring out his own meal. Like you said, gluten free just isn’t as yummy, and why should we have to eat it if we don’t want to?

    Although I guess my karma of not being as supportive as I could bit me in the tush. A few months later I took a food sensitivity test and learned I should stay away from gluten.

    Post # 28
    5089 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I’m vegetarian, and my fiance (who is not veg) recently went off ALL carbs except fruits. (This was on his doctor’s advice; he was pre-diabetic.) This is a challenging combination – it basically means that we can only share beans, tofu, vegetables, fruits, nuts, cheese, eggs, and olive oil. No pasta, bread, rice (even brown rice is out!), potatoes, sugar, honey, or meat. 

    Despite this, we’re both totally supportive of the other person’s dietary regime. But for heaven’s sake, he doesn’t ask me not to eat carbs in the house, and I don’t ask him not to eat meat in the house. For dinners, which we cook together probably 4 nights out of 7, we find recipes that suit both our needs. The rest of the time, we cook/eat whatever we want.

    Post # 29
    4499 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I think he’s got to compromise with you. You’re being supportive by trying out gluten-free recipes, etc., but he needs to try to be tolerant of your diet, too. Can whatever residual gluten product that exists on your cookware after washing really make him nauseous? That sounds more psychosomatic than anything else to me… bottom line, I think you’re being totally reasonable!

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