(Closed) Would you change your entire diet for your SO?

posted 10 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: How would you handle this?

    Go to a gluten free diet

    Don't change your diet at all and let him do all the extra work being gluten free

    Keep looking for gluten free recipes, buying him gluten free options, but still eat gluten at home

    Something else which I will explain below

  • Post # 45
    368 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    Even though I have been vegan for nearly 9 years, I have never even dated a vegetarian. My last boyfriend, who was an omnivore, had issues with my diet. Being that he had a problem with my ethics and diet, I escaped the relationship. He certainly had no right telling me how to eat and what to believe.

    My fiance, although an omnivore, has never had an issue with my food choices. Since I am the one who cooks, he has come to enjoy vegan meals. We have an easy understanding that we can both eat what we want, but that he should not expect me to cook him something that goes against my beliefs. He brings meat into our home, and he eats meat when we are out. This discrepancy in our diets has not cause any conflict.

    If you go gluten free, it should be for yourself, not for your fiance. He has to be willing to accept your choices (especially with food) and not force his diet on you.

    Post # 46
    238 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    It’s gluten-free, not kosher! At the very least, you shouldn’t have to keep separate dishes.

    Post # 47
    38 posts

    I have the same situation but in reverse – I am the celiac one.

    I would never ask my boyfriend to change his diet to match mine. First of all, it’s more expensive if you’re going through twice as much gluten free food, but most importantly it’s really an acquired taste. Given the choice, NOBODY would choose gluten free food over regular if they didn’t have to.

    The compromises we make are that yes, eating gluten free in restaurants in hard. At most places the only things I could order would be steak and potatoes, and that gets old after a while. There are a few restaurants in my city where I can actually get pizza, pasta, etc and so we usually go to those restaurants more often than others where I don’t have as much choice. I think that’s fair… if there is some other restaurant he really wants to try where I can’t eat, he has friends to go with and that’s just fine.

    And then at home we just make two different types of pasta, or use gluten-free soy sauce/bbq sauce/salad dressing etc that tastes just the same.

    I think he’s being a bit unreasonable asking you to ditch gluten for him… it’s a huge lifestyle change, whether or not he’s truly celiac doesn’t change that answer. I’d just explain to him that it’s more expensive and there should be no cross-contamination between pots. I’ve heard plastic and wood that are more porous can retain some of what has been cooked in there before, but that doesn’t stop us from using the same containers. I’ve had no problems with it!

    Post # 48
    31 posts
    • Wedding: August 2010

    if he does get sick from gluten, then you are being TOTALLY insensitive. Coeliac disease is a serious illness that affects a person’s small intestines. The microvillae are destroyed by the gluten, and in turn take a long time to heal, and sometimes never fully heal.  Even a VERY small amount of gluten, (undetectable to the human eye even) can cause a reaction in a person with celiac disease.  Sometimes the symptoms are instant, so if your guy is actually getting sick, then yeah he could have celiac. And also sometimes, most often, the symptoms occur later. A person may have diarrhea, nausea, upset stomach, and their body cannot absorb the nutrients they need to survive. My sister had to get a blood transfusion and she was hospitalized before we realized she had celiac disease.  The doctors diagnosed her with it though, so perhaps you need him to go to the doctor and get tested for it.

    There is a blood test specifically for Celiac disease. All you have to do is go to the Dr. and ask.

    If he does have it, then he is totally right by not cooking on the same cookware as you.  Like I said, even a tiny amount can harm a person with celiac.  This means even touching gluten, or a piece of bread touching a plate, using wooden spoons or utensils (where the gluten can get trapped) and even in metal pans, that have been washed. There is STILL gluten that WILL contaminate his food.  While it is not as devastating as eating a piece of bread would be, it is still a concern. It adds up over time.


    If he does have celiac sprue, then you should definitely not expose him to your gluten. That means no flour or airborne particles from glutenous or fried foods. That would be totally inconsiderate of you, and harmful to his health and well-being. The least you could do is get separate cookware for him. What is more important to you? Your food, or your guy?  Sorry but this just rubbed me the wrong way because I see how inconsiderate my own family is to my sister. They make it so difficult on holidays and get-togethers, and make snarky comments, as if she asked for the disease. 

    I realize you said you aren’t sure if he has it or not. You really need to know though. And if not, and he is feeling significantly better withOUT gluten in his diet, then I think you need to respect that.


    Post # 49
    11 posts
    • Wedding: January 2012

    Ok I am a celiac. First of all, the blood tests availible for celiacs disease are pretty straight forward and generally are accurate in predicting who has celiacs and who doesn’t. It sounds like he hasn’t had these done, and perhaps should. He could also really easily get genetically tested for the celiac gene, which will determine if it is even possible he has it.

    There are people that are gluten intolerant, and it is hard to test for that.

    In my experience with the disease, pots and pans don’t matter as long as they are wasehd properly. I live with 5 people and everyone else eats gluten. i have my own knives, cutting board and pasta strainer because those are the things that don’t often get washed as throughly as other things. I use everything else the same as my flatmates and it isn’t a problem.

    I don’t expect nor do I want fiance to go gluten free because of me. It is really expensive for generally pretty mediocore food. So we make dinners that we can both eat, and everything else he just eats gluten things and i have gluten free. 

    Post # 50
    466 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I have a VERY sensitive gluten intollerance (Celiac Disease) as well as a lactose intollerance (they go hand in hand) and I do not expect my partner to go without for me. He will happily go about making toast, leave crumbs all over the place, put crumbs in the shared jam jar etc but I dont complain. He eats gluten free shared meals and he has no issue. I am very good at improvising and coming up with lots of yummy dinners… my friends dont even realise they are eating gluten and lactose free when they come over! Also, I have no issue eating at restaurants. Every single restaurant I have been to has had a gluten free option. He just needs to try harder.

    I also think he is pulling your leg with the ‘smelling gluten makes me nauseous’. The smell of anything gluten makes my mouth water! lol. OMG bread! It smells so goood! I have Celiac Disease and it does not make me nauseous (unless I eat it that is)

    We do however have a strictly no nuts household as my partner has a nut allergy. His can kill him, mine just makes me sick… I think its very reasonable to have a strict nut free environment in this case!

    Post # 51
    1398 posts
    Bumble bee

    They can also test for gluten insensitivity through a saliva test.

    Post # 52
    1317 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I can understand his choice but I think it’s unreasonable for him to enforce it upon you. There has to be compromise! Your preferences aren’t less important than his (and according to the doc, he isn’t allergic). Even if he was, I think it’s a little over the top to have to buy a second pair of cookware.

    Maybe you can try buying more take-out (for yourself), that way he can cook his gulten/soy free meals and you can have your fave restuarant dish. On days when there’s a party, remind him to pack a snack, because he can’t possibly continue to be cranky at a party because he chooses to not eat what they’re serving. Being selective is one thing, but being inconsiderate is another.

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