Post # 1
SO & I have established a timeline for a proposal by Fall 2012. I’ve told him my dream ring which is pricey. We’re mid-20s, I’m in grad school and he’s working. He does well in his career, esp for his age, and manages money really well too. The Engagement Ring + band are probably 4 months’ worth of his salary. He most likely already has it because he’s looking to buy a home and upgrade his car to something very pricey in the near future.
So, would you feel guilty? I loveeeee the ring. Absolutely love it. He wouldn’t go into debt for it but between house, pricey car and pricey ring, it may stretch him. I’m not sure why I’m thinking so far ahead of myself but now I just feel guilty having shown him the ring. He didn’t complain about the price and agreed he would’ve picked out a ring like it too but he joked that he’s a guy and doesn’t understand the fascination over it. But he’s the kind of guy that would insist on giving me what I want. I don’t want a fancy wedding nor have I expected any fancy jewelry or gifts EVER, but this engagement ring has been something I’ve wanted since I was little.
Anyway, I’m contemplating lying and just picking out a cheaper ring online and showing it to him once it gets closer to 2012. WWYD?
Post # 3
I wouldn’t necessarily pick a less expensive ring because I felt “guilty”, but when we were talking about getting engaged, we discussed our priorities, and a super pricey engagement ring just didn’t come out that high. I ended up with a ring that was about 2 weeks pay, and it got the job done.
I’m somewhat practical like that though.
Post # 4
I would pick a less expensive ring if the one I wanted was unrealistic for my and FI’s life goals and current income – it sounds like what you want might not be the most responsible choice.
In my book, a home, stability, emergency funds, and a debt-free life are waaaaay more important than something sparkley on my hand. I think there’s a way to strike a balance where everyone can feel good about the decision!
Post # 5
I’m a practical person, too, so I wanted something simple like a solitare. I also, didn’t grow up with a lot of money, so buying expensive things isn’t important to me. I’m more of a good deal kind of person. I love getting things for less than they are worth. Oh, I consider myself a conservative dresser so I don’t really like standing out or wearing flashy attention grabbing outfits. So the ring fits me. Haha, yeah I’m an introvert.
Post # 6
@crayfish: I agree, which is why I feel guilty. Trust me, I am very responsible with money. We’re both anti-debt; we have none. We both have financial stability and huge emergency funds. I could maintain my lifestyle for over a year if I stopped bringing in income. I do, however, treat myself to something once in awhile if I want it bad enough. And I’ve been wanting this ring for 15 years. If it were tradition for a girl to buy her own Engagement Ring, I’d buy it!
Post # 7
If he manages money well, I can’t imagine that he is really okay with spending that much money on a ring. I’d give him some options in various price ranges. If the setting you picked out is expensive and you just really love that particular setting, you can make it more reasonable by choosing a small/lesser quality center stone. Also, sit down and talk to him about budget. He should make a budget before you start looking at rings, and then you two can look into rings that fall into that budget. Considering all the things he has going on (and especially if you 2 plan on paying for the wedding), that’s a lot of money to spend on a ring.
Post # 8
Haha…part of me thinks that he’s kept me waiting so long that he owes me some serious bling! But the truth is I’m not going to show him rings–he’ll pick it of all by himself so he’ll choose something that works for his budget which is fine with me.
Post # 9
Would you ever offer to pay for a portion of it? He could pay what would be a reasonable amount for him and you could pay the rest? Some guys would be open to this and others wouldn’t. That way you could get the ring you want, he could spend within his budget, and you wouldn’t feel guilty.
Post # 10
@SapphireSun: The thing is, we do have our priorities straight, except for this. The ring, at least for me, is pretty high on that list. Neither of us cares for a wedding but we’ll do the bare minimal our families would expect.
I’m sure he’s not OK spending it just for the sake of spending it. But it is what I want, and he said OK to it, so if he was to set a budget later, I’d imagine it would allow for the purchase of the ring. Unfortunately, I’m in love with both the setting and a quality/size stone…
I try to tell myself that some people want a wedding, I don’t, and the ring is cheaper than some weddings.
He would never take my money. Plus, even if he did, every time I look at it, I’d think of it as the ring I bought myself, and not as the ring he bought for me to marry me. I’d have no problem combining finances after we’re married, though. If he’d wait on his house purchase, that’d work too.
Post # 11
I would honestly talk to your bf. I also am not one for fancy dinners out or flashy jewelry and my Fiance (as of yesterday!!) totally knows this. But it was important to me to have my perfect e-ring, which isnt huge, but I think larger than the “norm”. He agreed with me on the importance of the single piece of jewelry and worked hard to get the ring for me. Now, he beams just as much as I do when people ask to see my ring. Before you change what you’ve wanted your whole life, make sure it would even get you what you are aiming for…
Post # 12
At first I was in love with the Tiffany Novo, it’s all I talked about and Fiance loved it too. I was willing to sacrifice size in order to get the little blue box. Basically it would have cost him almost $5000 which is especially a lot when you don’t have a steady income, have books to buy, and tuition to pay (we’ll be 20 in February). I kept looking, not because I felt guilty but because I wanted something that I would love for a long time and that would fit my personality. After searching I found my dream ring 2.0 haha. It’s affordable, beautiful, classic, feminine, and very romantic (:
I ended up changing my mind not because of guilt, but because I didn’t want to wait until he could afford it (and he wasn’t willing to have me pay a portion of the ring). Basicially I want to be able to look down and see that we love each other so much that we didn’t let being students stand in the way of getting engaged (: Love & the idea of actually being engaged to FI kind of took away the importance of the expensive Tiffany ring. Plus, now that I have my heart set on this cheaper ring (only $750!) I can’t think about anything else haha.
I think if your Fiance is 100% on board with spending the money then you don’t really have any reason to feel guilty. I would only feel guilty if I was pressuring him into spending it. As long as it’s his decision then I don’t think you have any reason to feel bad (: He’ll do what he feels is right. I’m sure if he felt he couldn’t afford it then he would say something or talk to you about alternatives.
Post # 13
I don’t think he should go in debt for a ring, but he definitely can spend some money for a quality ring that you will be wearing for the rest of your life. So are you saying that you picked out the ring and he is going to get that one for you? Or did you show him what you like, and you happen to have expensive taste. If you let him pick it out, then he can go to stores that have quality rings but not as expensive. My fiance went to a local store that bought the diamonds straight from the seller, no middle man. So he got the diamond cheaper than normal. But they choose beautiful diamonds to sell in their store!
To answer your question, I would not personally change my ring for it to be less expensive. He had a price in mind and I was happy with it! But that also meant that he had to save up for a while to get it. While I was waiting I thought about just telling him to spend less money… but I waited. And it’s beautiful! I wouldn’t change a thing.
Post # 14
don’t feel guilty, this is an important purchase. but i can tell you from experience, its very hard mentally on a man to comprehend how expensive these things are.
when we went e-ring shopping i didn’t prepare him for how much diamonds cost, i stupidly assumed he knew. when we looked at loose stones in the size range i wanted he really did look like he was going to pass out when we talked prices- seriously. he had just bought a new car and this piece of jewelry was about 50% of what he paid for a vehicle…
but he came around. looking back he says he takes a lot of pride that his wife has a beautiful engagement ring.
unlike a car, you’ll have this forever. unless it will really have a negative effect financially i wouldn’t compromise.
Post # 15
I tried to do that, but Fiance saw right through it. He thought that it was important for me to get my dream ring because I have to look at it everyday for the rest of my life. He didn’t want me to get a ring that was ust second best. I think if your SO can afford your dream ring and didn’t raise any objections to the price, then you should be honest about which ring you want.
Post # 16
Um, I would be honest. I wouldn’t lie and show him another one. If it were me and my relationship, I would talk it out. I wouldn’t feel guilty though, but I would talk about what we/ he can afford and find one that price. That’s just me, though!