(Closed) Would you choose a venue for aesthetics?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
3265 posts
Sugar bee

@Aquaria:  Well a hosts duty is to ensure comfort of the guests.

So yes it is rude to pick a location without seating (and not bringing any in), or overly hot/cold locations without protection from the elements.

If you dont’ care about your guests comfort, then you shouldn’t be having any.

You want to get married in January in 6 foot snow drifts, knock yourself out.  But don’t expect other guests to sit around in nylons and high heels in -40 weather.

Post # 4
3402 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Aquaria:  No, I wouldn’t have done this if it would make my guest uncomfortable.


Post # 5
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

@andielovesj:  +1

A host has a duty to assure the basic comforts of his/her guests. Aesthetics are nice, but they are not the only consideration.

Post # 6
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Don’t make your guests uncomfortable. That said we got married on a bluff and reception in the woods. The weather was fine as was seating but there were ZERO complaints about porter potties.  You have to know your guests. mine wouldn’t sacrifice the most amazing view ever for indoor plumbing. 


 – this wasn’t without planning though. We had parisols in case it was too sunny, sunscreen, heaters at the reception, shawls for the ladies, flips flops in case the terrain was too rugged for heels. Etc. 






Post # 7
1320 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - NH

I don’t think it’s considerate, especially if you have elderly guests.  It might not affect you, but having 90 year old grandma outside in 90 degree weather isn’t considerate.

Post # 8
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Etiquette Snob here… lol

Have to agree with @andielovesj: when they said:

 Well a hosts duty is to ensure comfort of the guests.

BUT at the same time, when a Host issues an Invite it is not a Legal Summons… in reality it is up to the Guest to determine if based on what they’ve been given / told IF they want to attend or not

In reality when it comes to an Event, the Hosts get to choose how they wish to conduct it… not the Guests

So, I get WHY some couples choose some venues / locations etc (as it means something to them)

But also understand that such choices might not be everyone’s cup of tea.

So be it…

And WHY some Guests then choose to make their own determinations if they are worried about comfort etc.


If you don’t like the Event the way it is organized you can send your Regrets that you won’t be attending, or alternatively you can leave early.

(Have said this before on WBee, when there have been posts about things like NO Veg Meals, Bad Music etc )

You don’t like it… you don’t complain… you just don’t stay.

Hope this helps,


Post # 9
1411 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I do think it’s rude to pick a venue without considering the comfort of your guests. I mean, I have a friend who went to a fully outdoor daytime wedding when it was 105 degrees. And they ran out of water and one of their guests got heatstroke. And if I was at a fully outdoor venue and I was hot or cold, I’d probably leave as early as possible.

I don’t think it’s a problem if the only bathrooms are port-a-potties unless they’re gross ones.You can rent nice port-a-potties.

Post # 10
6743 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think it depends on the situation. I dont think port-a-potties is a big deal. I do think it’s a big deal to not have enough seating at the ceremony, unless the ceremony is going to be short anyway (and this would have to be done right, too – let people know that there won’t be enough seating, and reserve seats for the elderly and those with kids, etc). As far as the elements go, it also depends on HOW hot and HOW cold and if you do anything about it (hot weather – get fans, even if they’re made into the programs / cold weather – offer shawls or blankets). You want your guests to ENJOY your wedding, too.

Now, if it’s too hot, and there isn’t enough seating, there’s no portable potty and your ceremony is an hour long, I’d say I’d be a REALLY pissed off guest. That’s just rude.

Post # 11
2894 posts
Sugar bee

@Aquaria:  I think you need to have both. We chose our venue over others for the aesthetics, yes, because it fits our vision and all, but it is a restaurant still, that means everybody gets a seat and even though there are standard public bathroom stalls, it’s like going to any restaurant. 

The part where my guests might feel uncomfortable is the 30 minutes ceremony because it will be outside in January, that means cold and snow. But that’s what we wanted Fiance and I, we feel it’s unique and romantic, our guests will know ahead, plus there will be a fire outside and hot beverages served to keep us warm. We’re talking about people from Quebec who are used to the cold weather, and will even go to the winter carnival or spend a day outside skiing, skating or whatever even if it’s -30 celsius. So 30 minutes for the ceremony, we didn’t feel was too much to ask in order to make it memorable. 🙂 But, we also thought about my grandparents and they will have a reserved seat by the fire, with warm/fur covers. They are the oldest of our guests, and we do not want them to be uncomfortable. 

Post # 12
3265 posts
Sugar bee

@This Time Round:  I agree with you that it isn’t a summons.  But I haven’t seen any invitation indicate that there wouldn’t be enough seating, or protection from the elements, or inadequate toilet facilities.

And while I agree that it is perfectly polite for guests to leave once they arrive to find inadequate hosting.  But, many guests and brides will wrongly think that it is impolite and just suffer. 


Post # 13
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

We chose a ceremony venue without air conditioning in July.  However, the ceremony was at 10:30 am, so it wasn’t really hot yet at all, and it was a huge stone cathedral which naturally stays cool.

Porta potties?  No way.  No. Way.  If I’m all dressed up and find out I have to use a porta potty, I’m going home.

Post # 14
3371 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Well, I think you need to consider all the elements of a venue. I wouldn’t chose a beautiful venue if there were functionality problems that couldn’t be solved. Temperature and facilities would be dealbreakers for me. Having said that, we only shortlisted aesthetically-appealing venues anyway, so it was easier to use that as a starting point.

Post # 15
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

To @andielovesj:  true enough… that isn’t the sort of stuff typically written on an Invite… but the Invite will give “clues” as to such possibilities

“Guest Parking is available at the Entrance to the Park’s Hiking Trail… “

Right there I am going to know that I shouldn’t plan on high heels and getting too fussily dressed.

And if I am concerned about anything else… well there is always THE PHONE

I cannot believe how many times I’ve read on WBee that people don’t pick up the phone to ask Questions any more.

It used to be standard operating procedure.  You got an Invite, you called to ask a few Questions…

House Party = “What can I bring” for example

Wedding = “Got the Invite, where are Bride & Groom Registered”… for a starter

Lol, amazing what a friendly bit of conversation can reveal.

— — —

TO @oneofthesethings:  Lol, you and me both.  I can tolerate a lot of things… but I am not a fan of a Porta Potty when I am dressed up (camping gear, ok whole other ball of wax)

I’d be the good Guest till it was time to pee… and then Mr TTR & I would have to say adieu.


Post # 16
1411 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@oneofthesethings:  Just curious, but do you have a problem with all portable toilets? Because I’ve used ones that are similar to an airport bathroom, but a little less cramped, with a flushable toilet and a sink. And I’ve used big portable toilets that were nicer than lots of restaurant bathrooms.

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