(Closed) Would You Choose Marriage or Your Relationship?

posted 10 years ago in Waiting
  • poll:

    I would choose marriage - each and every time!

    I would choose our relationship - each and every time!

    I'm unsure - it would depend on the circumstances and reasons!

  • Post # 32
    1568 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 1996

    Marriage is incredibly important to me, and I would be very upset and sad to think of living the rest of my life unmarried, but I can’t even wrap my brain around the idea of ever leaving my husband. Living without him would be much worse than having to live unmarried for the rest of my life.

    Post # 33
    565 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    I would choose marriage.  someone who doesn’t share the same thoughts as i do on something as important as marriage is not the right man for me.  if i give my life and everything to a man: have a house, have children together, ect, then i would need to be married.  that’s just how i feel. 

    Post # 34
    1267 posts
    Bumble bee

    But then I think of the many homosexual couples who live in states where the law has not yet caught up with their love (not trying to start controversy or debate here – to each his/her own; honestly!). If they’ve done their best in truly promising longevity and companionship to their partners, are they any less committed than the heterosexual couple down the street that celebrated their wedding the previous weekend?

    Yeah, this is just insane to me but I won’t pontificate further for peace’s sake 😛  But if someone said that their marriage was more committed, important, loving, serious or solid than a same sex couple that is not given the right to marry or the couple that is not restricted by religion to marry or just doesn’t see the need than I question their understanding of love or commitment.  

    I’ve never been the type of girl or woman to plan a wedding in my head or set marriage as a goal or vocation.  So for me, I’ll take it or leave it.  I would like to partake in the legal and financial benefits that married people get, which is why we’re considering it, but that tastes a bit bitter to me knowing that other people with stronger bonds will never enjoy those benefits.  I have a new-ish friend who has no goals in life AT ALL except to be a wife and mother.  Of course, she has no boyfriend because she scares the hell out of all of them, lol, but she also doesn’t really care about that part too much.  If he’s nice, makes money and wants a wife to stay home with kids she’ll stay with him if she thinks he might propose.  To me, that’s a lot like the first option.  I cannot fathom wanting marriage on its own instead of wanting to marry SOMEONE in particular.  Marriage should come from the natural progression of a relationship – it shouldn’t exist as an idea without the person you want to marry attached.  I actually have a very difficult time with this concept 🙁

    Post # 35
    2373 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2008

    It would depend on my SO’s reasoning. If he didn’t want to get married for a stupid reason I’m guessing I wouldn’t be with him anyway, but if he had a legitimate reason that made sense I’d probably stay with proper legal documents stating what would happen to our assets in the event of a split.

    Post # 37
    3586 posts
    Sugar bee

    I chose relationship. Typically I would say marriage, but at this point, it’s the relationship more.

    I agree with Littlestbirds here: Living without him would be much worse than having to live unmarried for the rest of my life.

    Post # 38
    1295 posts
    Bumble bee

    View original reply
    @Soladylike:  I agree completely with you.  I am not willing to have kids or buy a house or spend the rest of my life with a person if marriage wasn’t in the picture.  I want to get married one day and for any of the above to occur I would have to be getting married.  If he didn’t want to then I would be out the door.

    Post # 40
    9024 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Personally I wouldnt get into a serious relationship with someone who doesnt want to be married.

    Post # 41
    806 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    Personally I can’t think of any great reasons for one partner to refuse to marry IF it’s very important to the other.  I can think of plenty of sketchy reasons.

    Post # 42
    3306 posts
    Sugar bee

    I would have to choose marriage. If my SO didn’t want to make a public commitment with financial and legal protection for me, then he doesn’t care about me as much as I think he does… and therefore I don’t need to be with someone whom does not care for me.

    Post # 43
    2495 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: January 1991

    Marriage is extremely important to me, too.  From the very beginning, Fiance and I made it clear to each other that we were not recreationally dating.  We were dating to figure out if we wanted to get married eventually.  That was very, very important to both of us.

    That being said, I would stay with Fiance without being married if we were somehow denied the right to marry for whatever reason.  If Fiance was the one refusing to get married (which I think is the original question) then yes, I would leave.  It would break my heart, but I would if it was his choice.

    Post # 44
    14181 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    I would not be with a man who didn’t believe in marriage. There are too many fish in the sea. I want children and I could not do that with someone i was not married with.  We wouldn’t make it past a month, so I can’t say I’d feel all that bad about walking away from someone who blatantly told me he didn’t believe in marriage.

    Post # 45
    685 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I’d choose marriage. I want a certain thing in life, if the guy can’t provide it, I’ll get it from someone else.

    Post # 46
    967 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2008

    DH and I lived together for 8 years and had 3 kids without benefit of marriage.  If he didn’t want to get married at all, I would’ve stayed.   I stayed for 8 years with an engagement ring and no wedding plans, so what difference would it have made to not get married? 

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