(Closed) Would You Choose Marriage or Your Relationship?

posted 11 years ago in Waiting
  • poll:

    I would choose marriage - each and every time!

    I would choose our relationship - each and every time!

    I'm unsure - it would depend on the circumstances and reasons!

  • Post # 122
    808 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    hmm thats a tough question.

    i love my SO i cant imagine building a life with anyone but him. but if he did not want to make a true legal commitment to our life together. well that would leave me with a lot of questions and uncertainty.

    Post # 123
    533 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    I think this is one of those issues that should be brought up during the beginning of a relationship. If the two people aren’t compatible on this issue, they may need to reconsider the whole relationship before anyone gets hurt. I know that talking about marriage on a first or second date sounds crazy, but if it’s what one person is looking for down the line in a relationship then they shouldn’t waste their time with someone who isn’t looking for the same thing. Talking about it didn’t run my boyfriend off 🙂

    Post # 124
    414 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    When my fiance and I met, we decided to get into a relationship only after we agreed that we both wanted something serious, and that if it didn’t feel like it was going there after a couple of months, we’d end it.  Neither of us wanted yet another bad relationship or a silly fling.  He asked me and I told him honestly, that if I were going to be with someone forever anyway, I’d rather marry them than not – but that I honestly believe that marriage is little more than a signature on a government document.  It’s a legal contract nowadays, and not much more.  What makes that certificate into a marriage is all the love and commitment behind it – which you can have even without marriage.

    If he hadn’t wanted to get married, we wouldn’t. But we’d still behave as though we were, definitely.

    Post # 125
    343 posts
    Helper bee

    This is the big question isn’t it?  I voted “unsure” because I’m really unsure.  I’m KIND OF in this situation.  I hate to steal a thread, and I’ll start a new one if I should. 

    My SO is divorced, as am I and he had a horrific horrible experience.  So, he’s “shy” about marriage to say the least.  He’s even said “never” once to a friend.  I heard the comment and broke down crying.  He came to me as I wept and I told him I had no idea he felt that way…and I was just balling and crying.  He said, “I had no idea this was so important to you.”   He said “I would Never say Never.”  I said, “but you did.”

    This went on….me crying him consoling. This all happened this summer, after almost 2 years of dating..our anniversary being in October. 

    he said, “look, if that were the case and when you would really have to worry about that is if I sat you down and said to you:  Just so we’re both on the same page you need to know I’m never going to marry you.”   He went on to say he could definitely commit to me forever, he loved me and we are planning on moving in together (within the next few months).  But, he had to be “ready” and the “one to make the decision this time.”  Thing is – he never proposed to the ex.  She just started telling people they were getting married when they had never talked about it.  And, he fought it and fought it and she kept pressuring and promising money to him from her BIG inheritance.  So, he did it and he regretted it…big time.  So he told me that he needs to be able to make the decision, not have it made for him, and not be pushed and nagged into it. 

    So, that girls is my situation.  I KNOW he loves me, and he treats me like a queen.  I’ve never loved anyone so much.  If he came to me and said “just so you know…NEVER” I’m not sure what I would do.  I think I would ask for his reasons.  And I think I would be devastated.  And I don’t know what I would do. 

    To be honest, I don’t think this is how this will pan out.  He’s making investments in MY home (he’s moving in with me at my place).  He is very very frugal TO SAY THE LEAST.  But generous with me.  He knows I’m not giving him any ownership in the home if we’re not married.  Yet he’s investing money.  He knows I want to get married.  I actually said:  “you have one year buddy!”  And he said, “or what?”  I said “you know the answer….”

    So – this is a subject I care a lot about and thanks to the OP for posting.  I want to marry him more than anything..I love him.  And I want us to be one. And we are in every other way.  This is probably one of the toughest questions I’ve ever contemplated.


    sorry for the long post


    Post # 126
    279 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I would not have entered into a serious relationship if we hadn’t already agreed on wanting marriage. However, if for some reason his opinion had changed down the road, I’m not sure I would be able to just “up and leave” based on not getting a ring and a signed piece of paper. But, that’s just MO.

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