(Closed) Would you consider couple’s counseling BEFORE there’s a “problem”?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Would you/have you and your fiance gone to counseling before marriage?
    Yes, we have and it helped : (16 votes)
    25 %
    Yes, we probably will before we get married : (25 votes)
    40 %
    No, we are good at talking things out on our own : (19 votes)
    30 %
    Yes, we have and it didn't help much : (1 votes)
    2 %
    Other : (2 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1571 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    My fiancé and I will be attending pre-marital counseling. The current divorce rate is so scary and we think it’s important to start the marriage with every advantage we can.

    Post # 4
    Member
    140 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I am the biggest pro-councelling women ever! My FI(boyfriend at the time) and I were getting ready to break up. We had a new baby, we just started living together and we are very different people. We decided to try and selvage our relationship and went to a couples therapist. I kid you not, after 4 sessions he said we were good to go and we didnt need to come back unless something comes up. Our biggest problem was communication. We didnt have any. About 6 months after that, we got engaged and we have a very strong relationship. Also, I have been in another relationship and there were 2 kids from his previous relationship and the ex wanted to beat me up(seriously), so I know the stresses being a step parent, which is more the reason to go.

    If your not sure how to word it with him, just say that you think they should go talk to someone that will give you the tools to better get through your day to day issues. I very highly reccomend it. Also, it is not uncommon for you to have to try out a couple therapists to make sure they are a good fit for you. If you arent comfortable with the first one you see, find another one. We currently are not having any issues but we are going to see him again before the wedding. Just to make sure we are still on the same page. I found that my Fiance had a lot of feelings I didnt know about and vice versa. Go for it. You have nothing to lose by talking. Sorry this became a little long winded.

    Post # 5
    Member
    6065 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 2012

    I think it is a super mature decision to go to counseling. No matter how much you and your Fiance love each other, life is stressful and finding ways to be able to deal with any issue is a testament to your devotion to the success of your relationship.

     

    Post # 6
    Member
    72 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    My brother and his wife did it, and they both say that they learned a lot and really grew from the experience. My FH and I plan on going too, just another one of those things on my ‘To Do’ list 😉 I think that you are making the right choice!

    Post # 7
    Member
    3166 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    heh. i’m the lone “yes, but it didn’t help much”! we had to do it in order to get married in the church, but after going through it with open minds and hearts, ready to learn we didn’t really get much out of it. we’re not a passive-aggressive couple, so if there’s an issue we immediately tackle it and get it out of the way! the counselling we went to seemed more geared towards people in la-la land. still, i would suggest it to everyone just in case there are issues. while we didn’t have any red flags come up, it was still nice to have that confirmation that we’re on the same page and get some additional communication tips.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2714 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    We are doing this right now. I actually suggested it to Fiance and he was a bit on the fence about it since he didn’t think we needed. We’ve been going for about 2 months now and the other night he told me he’s glad I suggested it. He thinks it’s really helping our relationship. Now unfortunately, I think I’m a bit on the fence about it, but that could be because I am just not connecting with this particular counselor.

    I think you should deff bring it up to your Fiance though.

    Post # 9
    Member
    7413 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Absolutely. How can it hurt to take proactive steps to enchance your communication skills. Go for it. I think of therapy and counseling in the same vein as other medicial preventative meausres. I go for my physicials, gyno, dental and mental health check ups.

    Post # 10
    Member
    3344 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    We did two sessions with a marriage counselor when we were engaged.  It can’t hurt!

    Post # 11
    Member
    5655 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2011

    YES! I think premarital counseling just be held to a very high accord.

    It will open up communication in places that most don’t really ever consider. In fact I’ve known people that did a pre-marital “worksheets” before ever even getting seriously involved… knowing that if someone doesn’t have the same values about the things that make up a marriage then they should probably look else where before someone gets to involved and now heartbreak is involved.

    Darling Husband and I used the book Preparing for Marriage. Even if you are not “religious” the frist 2 worksheets are GREAT tools for covering the “why we are the way we are” with things we experienced growing up, family structure, etc and the 2nd being “Great Expectations” who does what and so forth.

    Great stuff!!!!

    Post # 12
    Member
    7174 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    I definitely think you should talk to Fiance about it… at least to find out what he thinks of counseling.  I’ve found that people either have a positive or negative reaction to it – sometimes based on preconceived notions – others because of a bad experience.

    I have a friend who has been doing counseling their entire marriage (not for anything specific, but  just to work through communication, etc.).

    We did some as a requirement from our pastor – and it was interesting/helpful.

    I think it’s really wise for you to seek this out – to work on issues you see as potential problems – before they get out of hand.  I really hope your Fiance is open to it, because it can only be a good thing!

    Post # 13
    Member
    1131 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I think what you are saying makes sense. We haven’t, and we probably won’t, but in your situation, it sounds like a good option.

    Post # 14
    Member
    5655 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2011

    OH OH… that book deals with those things too! you should really check it out… you two may be able to go through it yourselves and save LOTSA money 😉

    Post # 15
    Member
    3978 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    It can’t hurt and since you have some issues you’d like to bring up I think it would be beneficial. We had to do counselling and it wasn’t super useful but it was nice.

    Post # 16
    Member
    260 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    We went to counseling without having “problems.” We just wanted to learn to communicate effectively. The counselor also helped us talk about our expectations. We got to talk about why we love each other and things that annoy us about each other and how to deal with it. It was nice getting everything out in the open. I recommend it.

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