(Closed) Would you consider it rude if…?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
1366 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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ZebraPrintMe:  The garter thing I always thought was weird, especially when grooms extract it with their teeth! I get why it’s titillating when it’s a wedding night for people who haven’t previously lived together, but all of my friends (including us) who got married lived together first.  I don’t think I’ve been at a wedding where it was a ‘thing’ in about 7 or 8 years.

I think you’ll be fine as long as you give people enough info so they know what’s going on.  We didn’t get formally introduced either but we had a toast right after our vows ended.  When we walked from the cocktail room into dinner, Darling Husband stood at the front and welcomed everyone and set up what the night was going to be like.

We did have a few speeches but just from us and our parents and we scattered them between courses so people weren’t starving or jonesing for a drink.  We had tons of out of town guests and we organized a double decker bus to take them back to the hotel/after party so we needed to do some announcements etc.

Post # 16
Member
6339 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

It’s your wedding, you get to call the shots.  Go with whatever makes the day memorable to you.  

Post # 18
Member
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

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ZebraPrintMe:  Nope! None of the things you mentioned have anything to do with etiquette. The only thing etiquette requires you to do is ensure that your guests are comfortable and well taken care of.

Many couples don’t participate in the traditions you mentioned, so I don’t think it’s necessary for you to point out that they aren’t happening. People won’t be confused. ๐Ÿ™‚

And no wedding should EVER have speeches. A toast should not exceed two minutes in length. I just had to add that because “speeches” at weddings are one of my biggest pet peeves!

Post # 19
Member
662 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

You certainly should customize your wedding day to reflect the tastes of you and your Fiance.

The only thing that I might consider rude is if you call attention your alternative choices by saying something negative about other traditions. As a previous poster pointed out, it would be much more charming if your DJ tactfully invited your guests onto the dance floor with you sans criticism of the traditional first dance. Same thing goes for your father’s brief address to the party—no need to denigrate families and couples that choose to share speeches at their weddings when he addresses your guests.

Post # 20
Member
4304 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

No. I’d thank them.

Post # 22
Member
7977 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

Lots of this stuff is American anyway, and aren’t you a Brit, if I remember correctly?

We weren’t introduced after the ceremony, we didn’t have a first dance, and we didn’t have a head table either. We had speeches, but they were quite tongue in cheek.

I always thought that was pretty normal, really.

Post # 24
Member
1668 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

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ZebraPrintMe:  No, not rude, but I think some of the statements are a little on the odd side (why do you need to anounce these things?). Just keep things short and sweet – thank you for coming, we hope that you enjoy the food. Please join the married couple on the dance floor as they enjoy their first dance together. Etc.

Post # 25
Member
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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ZebraPrintMe:  We are not doing any of those things either, so I hope our guests aren’t offended, but “announcing” that you’re not doing something seems odd to me. 

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 2 months ago by  HannahGrace.
Post # 26
Member
13025 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I agree that  your Dad should not say anything about not doing  “boring speeches.”  It is unnecessary and even somewhat insensitive to criticize something that many other people appreciate and value at their own wedding or those of others. I think he can say a quick thank you, but leave off the subtle hint that he’s more considerate than others.  

Other than that, nothing rude about any of it. Your main obligation as a host the day of is to get around to greet everyone in attendance, either by way of an old fashioned receiving line, or going around to tables. If it’s mealtime, you are expected to provide a meal, otherwise, refreshments. Guests should have chairs and not be made to wait for long periods of time with nothing to do. Otherwise, traditions are just traditions. Incidentally, I’ve only rarely attended  weddings that featured a ” head table.” 

Post # 27
Member
4655 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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ZebraPrintMe:  We had a first dance, but none of that other stuff. No introduction (we just walked in, dang, we’re married, not the king and queen of England) and no speeches or tosses or head table. No one minded, everyone had a great time. 

Post # 28
Member
7977 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

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ZebraPrintMe:  I’ve always seen some form of speeches, but beyond that it’s a free for all.

I thought the introduction thing was odd and awkward, especially seeing as we were at the reception before anyone else. We mingled with the guests on the lawn before lunch was served… it would have been odd to introduce us.

I actually asked our vendors to skip that bit.

Post # 30
Member
1998 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

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ZebraPrintMe:  Definitely not rude! Refreshing I think is the right word! ๐Ÿ™‚ <br /><br />Frankly, I love your ideas, and even if your father invited everyone to get drunk, I’d be the first person there to laugh and down one because I’d think it was such a good joke! ๐Ÿ™‚ Of course you know your guests best and if a joke like that is a appropriate, go for it. But maybe something like “I’m not going to bore you all with a long speech, let us just raise our glasses and drink to the happiness of the newlyweds” would be safer ๐Ÿ™‚ 

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