Would you consider this a small wedding? FI's parents say it is "sad"

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 31
Member
909 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 1983

A great deal of trouble and pain is caused by people who confuse their personal tastes and cultural values with Universal Truth. Happens a lot with in-law relationships when one side thinks their way is the one, true way, and the other side simply has a different way/taste/desire. Sounds like these people agreed to an “American wedding” without knowing what one is. Sigh.

One hundred people is a fine size–you can talk to every guest, if only briefly. It feels sociable without feeling like a mob scene–or that’s the way it felt to me; YMMV. 

If only in-laws could learn that YMM always, always V.

Post # 32
Member
402 posts
Helper bee

It really sounds like you  have for YOU the right size wedding (guests).  Hopefully sitting down with your fiance’s family and explaining weddings in North American and your goal or concept might help.  But you can’t control them.  

 

I go back to the bride and groom are always right.  (But might have to live with the consequences).  So if you want to up the quality of the food,  photography, decor, flowers, music,, wedding favours whateer go for it.  That being said if you want to save a few bucks that is fine too ie.  maybe not need such a big dress or fancy veil because the weding is smaller and you don’t want people pushe away from you so far because your dress and veil is so big.  

 

I think the size of your wedding is something that you need to make it work for you.    

Hopefully you can enjoy your special day.

Post # 33
Member
1277 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I consider 100 guests invited to be an average amount. Honestly, I’m hoping for a final guest count of about 80-90 myself! I consider that a nice sized crowd of people and probably the most I’d be able to have time to say hi to!

Post # 34
Member
364 posts
Helper bee

 

lleello :  

Do you mean that if one is not of a WASPY culture, one is not American? If a person has Asian, Indian, Chinese, Middle Eastern heritage, why would they not be able to uphold their tradition or customs AND be American? When you say ‘American wedding’ I’m totally confused as to what this is, a religious, white-ethnic, church wedding??

Post # 35
Member
2821 posts
Sugar bee

Tootally just cultural differences. It varies hugely even within the states/north america, but I know where I live in Canada a 200 + person wedding can even be considered self absorbed/excessive/materialistic because you’re blowing all of this money on a fancy party for people you barely know. While a smaller 80 person wedding where you invite people that truly mean something to you is held in higher regard because you’re ‘focusing on what matters.’ 

I would try to explain the cultural difference a little better, but also just try to accept that that’s what they’ve grown up with so that’s their reality. It doesn’t have to be YOUR reality though. 

Planning weddings is stressful and expensive, have the wedding you WANT so that all of it feels worth it in the end. 

Post # 36
Member
737 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I get that they come from a different culture, but they are still being really obnoxious imo. No your wedding is not “too small.” 

Post # 37
Member
729 posts
Busy bee

malayna :  Uh, I think you are barking on the wrong tree here. I am not from America though live in the US now. The normal average amount of guests from my country is 500, and I have been to one with 1500 guests, all fit in large hotel ballrooms. In the US, at least that I know of, above 100 is a lot, 500 is excessive. Like, the average does not even overlap.

That amount of guests only enabled because both parents are paying and cost per guest is less than US, so not about cultural but due to the difference in logistic and regional between US vs. my country. My friends from my country who get married in the US probably have more or less 100 guests too unless their parents help paying, because it is more expensive here &/ they pay themselves. 

I am learning the differences in expectation and cultural norm after living here for awhile. OP said that FI’s parents are from another country, so they might be thinking based on what they think is normal in their country. They don’t know what is normal in the US. The one that has been living in both places (=FI) should explain the difference. He also probably should explain them that the guests here don’t expect to see large wedding, nor business relatives don’t tend to expect to be invited to the wedding.

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