- 6 years ago
- Wedding: August 2015
You need to leave. Now.
You need to leave. Now.
Nothing has happened recently. This has been over the last 18-24 months or so, just building up. The table flipping incident was in March, and ever since then I have been contemplating a separation. The last week or so he has been pretty nasty to me, just in things he is saying to try and upset me. It will just be little things like asking when I call, “WHAT DO YOU WANT”, and when I get home telling me that ” if I want to fucking argue I can go upstairs” when I asked him why he was such a jerk on the phone this morning.
Yes absolutely this is abuse. These are the kinds of things that we often think of as being “gray area” when they are not. Threatening self with weapons is particularly concerning as that often leads to threatening others.
That being said, I know that this is a complicated situation. Please, at the very least, have an idea of a “safety plan” and perhaps consider keeping some money and keys somewhere you can get them if things go badly. Also, be aware that when abusers get the impression that their partner is considering leaving, things often escalate quickly.
I’d advise you leave now. PTSD is a horrible thing, my fi has it too along with depression and anxiety. He doesn’t have any violent episodes or psychosis though. It is really sad and though it’s not entirely hos fault it is not a reason to stay there.
I’m not going to say whether or not you should divorce, but you need to stay somewhere else until he gets help. I would reccomend another psychiatrist to him (from afar of course, maybe over the phone) because no offense to anyone but the therapists at the VA are a joke.
This is all abusive behaviour and in no way your fault and you have to know that no amount of love or understanding from you can fix this for him.
I hope you have a good family member or friend that you can go to for support. Let them help you with what you know you need to do next. It’s not about having a backbone, it’s about loving yourself enough to take proper care of yourself. Please ignore the critical voice in your head and be kind to yourself instead. Wishing you the best of luck.
Looking at your past threads, you were told three years ago not to marry this asshole. Are you really going to listen to anyone now?
He sounds like my dad. It took my mom 12 years to leave him, and took her almost as long to realize that just because he wasn’t hitting her or us, that that didn’t mean it was abuse.
Leave as soon as you can.
There is no question. Leave him right now and don’t look back.
Jesus christ! OF COURSE it is! get out of that house! pack the essentials and move with a friend or family member without telling him we’re you’re going!
Yes, that’s abuse and will only get worse. You need to safely leave ASAP; get help from family or friends and the police, if necessary. The fact that he refuses professional help tells you that trying to stay and help him would be an uphill battle that could end up costing you your life. Don’t risk it.
I know you said its hard bc you share finances, etc. but imagine if you shared a child??? Even worse, imagine a son that grew up thinking it’s okay to talk to women this way or a daughter who expects treatment like this from a man. Separations are always hard and should be the last resort, but you are human and you’re allowed to make mistakes. If you can’t imagine having children with him, I can’t imagine a bigger red flag. Just lean on people you love for support. You can Do it!! 🙂
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