(Closed) Would you consider this abusive behavior from a spouse?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 91
Member
5892 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

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NeedAdviceQuickly:  Update? Worried about you…

Post # 92
Member
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

he is using intimidation, verbal abuse and fear to try and control you. Absolutely he is abusive, an if you stay it will continue to escalate. When he is remorseful and does nice things you are in the honeymoon stage, then the tension builds (where he starts to become moody), and then he explodes and this is where the abuse begins again. it is called the cycle of abuse, and keeps cycling and each cycle gets worse. 

I want you to do the following things: make sure you always have a full tank of gas, a bus ticket, money for a can, or someone you can call or text for a ride to escape. Start making your escape plan, and have a code word with a friend or family member that you can say to signal to them that you are in danger and need help. Stash away emergency money, photocopy your ID, any important financial papers (like the deed to the house, etc) and pack a suitcase and stash it away where he can’t find it with your passport and clothes and important belongings in it. Document the best you can the instances he threatened you with a weapon, and any major conflicts with dates the est you can. 

Also, please get in contact with your local women’s abuse agency. They can help you get through this decision to leave, help you make a safe escape plan (as it is often when the woman leaves that the man becomes most dangerous. He has lost control, and will go to extremes such as threatening suicide, stalking to gain you back.). A women’s center will plan with you, counsel you, possibly provide you a safe place to stay and connect you with resources in the community to help you transition your life. 

Please leave. For your safety, make a plan so he cannot find you, and go. Don’t wait until he does somethig physical, because it is possible the first time he hits you he could severely harm you if not kill you. The fact that he has threatened you with a weapon would mark you as in severe danger. 

Much love to you. Please seek assistance and get out as soon as possible. 

Post # 93
Member
1339 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

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NeedAdviceQuickly:  I wouldn’t go as far as saying he’s abusive, but I would say serious anger management issues on his part and in need of some therapy.

Post # 94
Member
1111 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I wouldnt put up with any one of those let alone a whole list of them … I dont the other side but i can say you deserve better and so does he not you are not good enough but both sides are clearly not happy … You aren’t meant for everyone just the one … And i dont believe he is yours 

but who am i to say but, to answer ur question I would’ve been gone a long time ago…

Post # 95
Member
379 posts
Helper bee

It sounds to me like your SO may have bipolar. 

I think it would be in both of your best interests as if he were to be medicated, this may stop these kind of outbursts.

Is there any substance abuse too?

I may be wrong, but I hope for the best outcome for both of you

Post # 96
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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NeedAdviceQuickly:  Put it this way…if you were a tiny little two year old girl who did something naughty and your daddy yelled at you, threw one of your toys at the wall and broke it, called you a spoiled bitch whose just like her fucking mother and then held a gun to his head and said something like, “You’re so bad that you make daddy want to kill himself”, how would you feel?  Think about that for a moment.  Think about your children cowering in terror when their father yells at them.  Think about the fear and panic they would feel if they accidently broke something.  If you stay with this man, this will happen.  If you have children, this will happen.  You need to protect yourself the same way you would protect your child and get out.

Post # 97
Member
60 posts
Worker bee

Please, please, please get a good divorce lawyer if possible and start getting the heck out of this now. You do not want kids with a guy like this. If you feel safe to let anyone know what is going on confide in them just so that you have someone on your team. Keep yourself safe and call the cops if you have to.

Post # 98
Member
280 posts
Helper bee

You’re lucky you’re not dead yet or have come home after a fight to find one of your pets nailed to the front door. Get out and bring them with you.

Post # 101
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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NeedAdviceQuickly:  

None of these things are okay. Put together, they are absolutely abusive behaviors. It doesn’t matter if he has never laid a finger on you – every single one of these behaviors is just as bad. Based on these behaviors, I would be willing to bet he will physically hurt you at some point. Throwing objects and creating damage sends a message that says: “Look at all the damage I can cause. I haven’t hurt you yet, but I could.” Name calling like that is also abusive and is used to undermine intelligent and fair discussion. Suicidal ideation and the use of a weapon is EXTREMELY worrisome…. this makes me scared for your safety. There are several indicators of absuers who are more likely to seriously injure a partner – both of those things are huge red flags. And putting down your hobbies and likes is designed to keep you down as well… slowly stripping you of all the things that make you strong and independant. Please reach out for help… these are very serious behaviors and I’m worried for you. 

 

Post # 103
Member
605 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

 

Run. Do not walk. Run away from this relationship as fast as you can and never look back.

Post # 104
Member
32 posts
Newbee

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NeedAdviceQuickly:  been in an abusive relationship early in life, and I will answer a resounding YES….HOLY SHIT YES……sorry for the language but those signs are things that tend to escalate……

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