(Closed) would you date a person who wasnt sociable with your family/friends?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1735 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Is he just really shy around them or is it more like arrogance? I’ve dated arrogant guys who wouldn’t deign to talk to my family or friends. I’ve dated shy guys who just weren’t sure how to talk to my family or friends. There’s a difference. The arrogant ones don’t last long. It’s one thing if a guy is socially awkward, it’s entirely different if he’s actively being a jerk.

Post # 4
Member
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

No way, jose. I’m too social myself not to have someone who can stand alone in conversations with my parents, family, friends….that’s one of the things that made me fall in love with my Fiance because he’s so good with them, it was so natural.

Post # 5
Member
7271 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@HeyKaraoke:  +1

I’m incredibly shy (and somewhat socially awkward) so it takes me a little longer to warm up to people. However, if he truly has no interest in getting to know your family and friends I don’t know that I would continue dating him.

Post # 8
Member
7770 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Yes, I would.  I mean, I wouldn’t want to be with someone that is RUDE or fights with people.

I never gossip or talk negatively about others, so I would be social, I would just change the subject- or try, so I see where he is coming from.

 

Post # 9
Member
9115 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

If your family is jugmental, I’d be quiet too. God forbid I say something that is taken out of context.

Post # 10
Member
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@rozzy:  to me those sound like legit reasons to not want to be close to them. If he is not outright being rude, I dont think you can pressure him to like your family/friends.

Post # 11
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

My husbands family is very different from how I grew up. His family is wealthy and knows everyone. They sit around and talk about who was at the country club last night and who they played golf with. I just sit there, how can I contribute to that conversation?I don’t think there is anything wrong with just sitting there and listening.

Post # 12
Member
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Nope.  I dated a guy that didn’t talk to my mom when he came over.  When my mom sat down at the kitchen table to talk to him, he started reading a newspaper.  Very rude and it doesn’t fly with me!

 

Post # 13
Member
7271 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Hyperventilate:  +1

I typically try not to talk to people that I know gossip a lot because I know once I turn my back they will be taking about me. How is he around your friends though?

Post # 15
Member
1606 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I am super social and spend a TON of time with my family and friends. Fiance is definitely not. At first it was a little difficult but now we have a nice rhythm where I can get him to participate during the important events and I go by myself to the frivolous ones.

He is an introvert and would usually rather stay at home with just the two of us. It is still work to get him to come sometimes but he realizes that being social is a part of my life and will also be at least a part of his. He is accepting of the idea and does so because he loves me.

Plus, once we get to wherever we were headed he ends up having a great time. 🙂 He’s never center of attention by any means but he can handle himself in most social situations. I think this is one of those opposites attract thing because on the opposite side of things he helps me to slow down the pace of my life and enjoy the little things moreso then I would without him.

Post # 16
Member
2755 posts
Sugar bee

I did, for four and a half years. The only friends my ex had were ones we shared, and even with them he was extremely standoffish and considered them only his friends in context of me – despite the numerous times I told him that they considered HIM their friend individually outside of me.

He barely interacted with my family, and especially did not like my mom and thus almost never spoke to her.

It was emotionally draining. I am a social person, and I had to fight to get him to join me out places. I’d beg him to do weekend things with my work friends or come to happy hours and he would occasionally but usually bailed last minute after promising to come. People always thought he was angry because he’d sit, unsmiling, and not talk to anyone.

Eventually, it got to be too much. We split for many reasons, but I was SO happy and felt FREE afterward because I could go out and have fun for hours without worrying that he was stuck at home by himself alone b/c he didn’t have any friends but me. I no longer felt weighed down.

And my new SO not only loves socializing but has a HUGE group of his own friends *and* he loves my family and interacts with them. It’s such a relief and a welcome contrast.

Anyway…

I’d say, if it really bothers you or is causing issues with your family, then you need to discuss it with him and he needs to work on making an effort. Because it will weigh you down.

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