(Closed) would you date a person who wasnt sociable with your family/friends?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 33
Member
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Nope. I’ve been there done that. I made the regular excuses “He’s shy. English isn’t his first langauge”. Blah blah blah. 2 years later nothing changed. And I finally realized that he wasn’t “shy”. He was rude. And that’s what it really is. He doesn’t care enough to make an effort. Or step out of his comfort zone. It’s one thing to be a little quiet and not be the life of the party. But to not make an effort at all? That doesn’t fly. 

Post # 34
Member
1309 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I’m like your SO. I’m painfully shy and I can go through an entire party with my inlaws and say 3 words if someone directly addresses me. I have a lot of anxiety about myself and when I’m around people whose opinion I really care about, I clam up. (deep down I think I might be a weird person and I’m nervous I’ll reveal how inferior I am). Especially in large groups where the conversation is fast-paced, my mind gets wrapped up in trying to think of things to say and then evaluating if it is a good enough comment to actually say it or not. By the time I work myself up to saying whatever it is, the conversation has moved on. I do much better one on one.

I know my husband gets frustrated every once in awhile because of how introverted I am. He appreciates that I’m a good listener though.

Post # 35
Member
1218 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I’m marrying one! However, I don’t think I would if I thought it was rudeness rather than shyness.

Fiance has quite bad social anxiety (like, even being on a crowded train causes him to get sweaty and anxious). He’s usually pretty shy and always worries that people won’t like him or will judge him, so he prefers not to say much until he’s really comfortable with a person. I’m the opposite, I’m also pretty insecure but I cover it up by being quite talkative.

I usually go out with my friends without my Fiance because I know how uncomfortable he gets. However, when we do hang out with family or friends together, he tries his hardest to be social and he’s not rude.

Post # 36
Member
253 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
@suburbian:  I am not in a relationship but if I dated a guy who was anti social, I would compromise and give my future bf/hubby these guidelines. 

1. My future bf/hubby must attend all family functions and have a relationship with all my family. Even aunts,uncles, cousins, exc. Same with the future hubbys family.

2. Friends are by choice, not by blood. I would be ok with him missing a get together function with my friends but when it comes to  weddings, funnerals, and my birthday, the future hubby must attend with me. 

That how I would set my rules. This method is good because the future hubby wouldent be force to be uncomfortble but at the same time having a relationship with my family would be a big thing since family is forever and family trumps friends. 

Post # 37
Member
3092 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I have dated guys that didn’t get on well with my family and vice versa.  It’s so much better with Fiance who is very sociable with my family and I his.  Everyone is very supportive of us.

I wouldn’t fault Fiance if he did have trouble with my fams, I know I do.  But he is so great at breaking down tensions that I think he has brought me closer with my family.  And his family is very quiet and didn’t really engage a lot, but I’m all up in it and we celebrate everyones birthdays and have skype sessions etc and I think it’s really made a difference in how his family interacts too.

Post # 38
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

My husband is like this. He’s just kind of hard to get to know — he’s slowly opened up, especially to those people he’s around more often, so it’s really not a big deal. 

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