Post # 1
I’m not trying to offend anyone or be dramatic, I’m just wondering what the bees think. Have you done it? Did you have your own child as well – and did that make it easier? What role do you play and what role does the bio mom play? Do you see the child as a constant reminder of his past relationship?
I personally can’t imagine doing so, but then again, Fiance and I are 23 and have been together since we were 18, so we never really had time for there to be another man/woman/child involved. I would be nervous about what the child thought of me, and I fear I’d have thoughts like “take care of your own kid” whenever the child did something wrong.
Please don’t be mad at this question!
Post # 3
I answered no, it’s just not for me. It works for some people and that’s great, but it would not work for me.
Post # 4
@MissKitteh: Phew! Ok, I’m glad I’m not the only one. I’m just too young to take that on. I could see if it was some time in the future, like in a re-marriage (God forbid, I’m not planning a divorce!).
Post # 5
Yup! I had a relationship for over 2 years with a man who had a son. I wasn’t trying to be his mother, it was fine.
I am soon to have two kids, if my husband (God forbid) ever passes away or we divorce, I’d hope people wouldn’t just disregard me for having children. We deserve love too!
Post # 6
I may be more concerned with how the bio-mom acted, if she was still around. If she was hell bent on making my and my SO’s life a living nightmare, and my SO couldn’t put a stop to it then no, I wouldn’t pursue the relationship. But let’s just say “he had a kid” and leave it at that. Then yes, I’d date him.
Post # 7
OMG is this MY post right now! I have been with FH since I was 19! His son was 8 then. At that time I was all about being MOMMY and how I couldn’t wait for him to officially be my step son and all the things we would do. Now its 9 years later, we are still in seperate homes due to finances. His son is a rotten 17 year old and I am sooo not wanting to be “mommy” because I would be disciplining the shit out of him! Anywho… lol, I have none of my own yet and yes I have ALWAYS wondered what he thinks of me, if he REALLY likes me or is trying to be nice, what’s real what’s not, what’s important of whats real and whats not.
OMG complicated! I never thought OH I won’t date someone with kids but I was so young when I met Darling Husband that I hadn’t thought of it or thought I would need to think about it. It was okay. Honestly I’m verrrrrry needy of attention and constant love so I wasn’t the leats bit ready for there to be a child in the situation to be honest because I need so much attention I was always afraid his son would notice and would resent me and now I have to hope he didn’t and doesn’t.
But this is just ME. In less complicated situations I think it would be COMPLETELY awesome.
SOrry for the long post 😉
Post # 8
I’ve dated a guy with a kid. He was an ass and couldn’t blame the mom for leaving him! That said, my mom had 3 boys when she met my dad. He’s the only dad they’ve ever had. They dated a long time and by the time she had me and my brother, my older brothers were getting married themselves. I just thank god that my dad was that amazing of a man, to take on a wonderful woman and her three boys, and that my mom was amazing enough to know this man should have kids.
It’s tough but I also have a friend who just got married. She has three boys from previous relationship. they bought a house, got married and they are PREGGERS now. The man she married is amazing, he treats those boys like his own.
If you can’t get past the petty bs from the “bio”s and make your own relationship with the kids that come with the person you love, than you should step back.
Post # 9
I should maybe also add for my situation.. the ex walked out when his son was like 1 or 2 so there was never any drama or competition type of thing going on there. SO it was always one less thing to worry about, for me anyway.
Post # 10
I’ve dated one. He was reeeeally fun. But before things got serious, I really evaluated how I felt about it. For me, it is very important to me for us both to hold our baby for the first time together…that moment together. That’s really important to me. Personal preference tho!! I met my FH actually RIGHT after him… =)
Post # 11
I don’t think I could handle it, especially because I’m incredibly jealous and dealing with baby mama drama is NOT my scene.
Post # 12
No. I don’t want kids so I wouldn’t put myself in that position.
Post # 13
I’m 34 and my fiancÃ© has twins whom are soon to be 15. For me it’s not that big of a deal, it was weird at first but I fell in love with him so that means accepting him for his past and for his kids. Problem has been that sadly enough his ex girlfriend is that he doesnt even get to see them or talk to them anymore because she won’t allow them to.
Post # 14
I think it’s hard to not offend people with the question and the responses. I mean, I’m sure everyone has their preference but to completely rule someone out because they have a child?? I don’t know, that’s not something I could do. If you have chemistry and feel something for them, it wouldn’t matter to me. Is it ideal? No, it’s not. But if my SO had a child I don’t think I could’ve turned away from him. But I guess if you would, then he just wouldn’t be the right man for you.
Post # 16
I voted maybe. I’m pretty sure it would be a situation that I wouldn’t have let start up but I suppose i would have done it of somebody had blown me away very early in a relationship. I don’t have my own children yet and selfish as it might be I want the first child I help raise to be mine and to be able to choose when they come in to my life.